


Monomoth

by Ohtze



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Body Horror, Drama, Eating Disorders, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, Heed that warning folks, Horror, Like seriously heavy angst, Lovecraftian, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Drama, Psychological Horror, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2018-08-20 00:26:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 80,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8229938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohtze/pseuds/Ohtze
Summary: Everything ends, eventually. Eight years after the war, Sakura’s unhinged and Sasuke’s obsessed. The fields are filled with corpses. AUish, canon-divergent, Sakura-centric.





	1. The Lingering

**Author's Note:**

> **A word of warning** : I always write M, and with that rating there comes certain expectations that most readers should be familiar with (violence, mature themes, etc.). The tags on this story are also extremely accurate. Suffice to say, things will be dark. This is the only time that I'll mention it.
> 
> **Disclaimer** : This fanwork is intended for personal, non-commercial use only. All creative works off which this fanwork is based are the property of their respective authors. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Revised April 3, 2018

There was an itch beneath her skin.

It wasn't a full-on itch—more like a dull throbbing that made her bones ache and her insides clench—but it was annoying all the same, as Sakura had felt it before. She'd never figured out what it was linked to. She **should** have, she knew. Medic-nins usually did _._ As the thought struck her, an unpleasant clenching sensation around her throat made it harder to breathe.

_Medic-nin. I'm a medic-nin. Remember that._

"Haruno-san!" exclaimed her assistant rather loudly. At that moment Sakura felt a sharp twinge along the underside of her fingers, the sensation slightly delayed.

Dull-eyed and expression slack, she looked down with acerbic interest, observing the single line of red that was tracking its way diagonally across her fingertips. It was surgically precise, but deep enough she was dripping blood. In her other hand, the light green of her chakra scalpel flickered before shutting off.

For a moment Sakura didn't quite understand what she was seeing. The world expanded, then contracted around her. She was entranced by redness as it trailed between the spaces of her fingers and casually dripped onto the floor. The room suddenly seemed much too bright, over-saturated and full of sound. If she strained her ears, she could actually hear the birds chirping outside her lab's shuttered window in the basement of the hospital. She never heard them anymore.

Then reality came crashing down, and with it, the itching. She'd been dissecting a rat for a new project of hers, then cut herself and gotten blood all over everything.

 _Fuck_.

"Well, that sample's ruined," Sakura deadpanned, pushing back from her workstation and grabbing a nearby towel to wipe the blood away with mild disgust. Her lab assistant—a small, sandy-haired nin by the name of Jiro who didn't look a day over seventeen—watched her with budding dismay. Sakura tried to send him an apologetic smile, atrophied facial muscles twitching in vain as she made to complete the motion, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't even attempt a fake one. The gesture felt alien to her. Still, she apologized. She'd just ruined a day's worth of work, and she shouldn't have been that careless. Not at her age.

"Sorry," she said. "I'll find us a new sample. We'll start again in an hour, yes?"

Jiro's expression was hurt.

"Are you…" Sakura sat there, waiting patiently for the question she knew he wanted to ask. It was always the same concern. "Are you alright, Haruno-san?"

"I'm fine," she murmured blandly, looking at a spot just over his shoulder. "Why wouldn't I be?"

His expression twisted, just a bit. The nin pointed to her cupped hand, facing upward and pooling with red.

"You're still bleeding."

Sakura looked down at her fingers, then let out a soft sigh. She hadn't even felt it. Reaching over with her other hand, she let the green once more flare to life. The cut was deep but nothing serious, and it healed easily, leaving behind clear skin and a vague sensation of _tightness_ where the separation had been. Sakura wiped away the rest of the blood with a wet cloth.

"See?" she said. This time she didn't try to smile, sitting blank faced and straight backed as she raised her hand for inspection. "No problem. Everything's good."

"Haruno-san," her assistant began, but Sakura wasn't really interested in talking anymore. Talking took up too much energy, and she was sort of tired these days. The itch was back. She stood, collecting her clipboard and lab coat.

"Three hours," she said. "Get some lunch, alright? I'll see you then." Jiro was silent as she walked away.

* * *

 

"Are you sure you're alright?" Ino asked her that night when they met for dinner after their respective shifts. "You've been looking a little less… uhh, _pink_ these days."

Ino's forehead scrunched slightly into a frown, her blond brows furrowed as she absently twirled her noodles around the utensils scraping the inside of her bowl. Between Sakura's hands rested a cup of tea, untouched and steaming. Above them the rain pattered down in an endless torrent across the café's tiled roof. The streetlamps flickering in the humid summer gloom.

It was nearly eleven in the evening, and the only people still out and about were other Konoha nins. Sakura liked the familiarity, but she didn't like the _nin_ part. It always meant there were more questions that she'd rather avoid. Her own forehead furrowed, but her hands remained loosely clasped around her teacup, her back painfully straight as she stared unblinkingly at her long-time friend. Her baby pink hair was loose and slightly lank beneath her hood.

"My hair doesn't change colors, Pig," she said. She was able to mimic the sound of fondness better than a smile. "As much as I'd prefer a more flattering shade, I'm kind of stuck with it."

Across from her Ino glared fiercely and leaned forward, gripping her chopsticks tightly between her fingers. Ino had nice fingers, Sakura thought: long and tapered with porcelain pale skin that she would have killed for when they were younger. Her own skin was incredibly drab.

"Don't be stupid," Ino snapped, keeping her voice low and eyes shifting to the side. In a village full of nins, things like privacy were hard to come by. "You **know** what I mean, and it's not—" She paused as a kunoichi sauntered past, her long brown hair swinging in a ponytail behind her back as she pushed open the front door and cursed at the rain. A second later she flickered across the street to clamber onto a nearby roof. "You're just different, alright? Are you sure nothing's up?"

Sakura shrugged and finally took a sip of her tea. She knew how interrogations worked, and she was good at avoiding them these days. They just took a lot of effort.

"I don't know," she admitted, and it was the truth. A little bit of truth tossed into the mix always threw Ino off. "I am kind of tired with the hospital, and might need a change of scenery. I've been thinking of asking the Hokage for a long-term assignment. You know, something that lasts a year or two."

"Two **years**?"

"What?! It's not that bad. Anbu do it all the time."

"Yeah, but you're head of the hospital, now. You're kind of needed here."

Sakura shrugged and took a sip of her tea. She was careful to avoid Ino's eyes.

"Shizune's there. They'll be fine without me."

Ino scoffed with what sounded like incredulity, sending Sakura a glare before slurping loudly on her udon. The long, thick strands quickly disappeared between her lips. Sakura thought they looked a bit like worms, or stretched-out maggots. For a moment, Ino's bowl wasn't full of food, but writhing insects, convulsing as they boiled alive in the broth. She felt sick as she looked at it.

Ino nodded to the teacup between Sakura's hands.

"Are you going to eat?"

Sakura shook her head and took another sip, keeping her eyes off the bowl.

"No. I ate earlier." She'd had an apple for breakfast, but food wasn't working so great with her stomach these days, so it hadn't gone over very well. For lunch she'd had a coffee, which went better.

Ino finished slurping up the last mouthful of noodles. As she did so she gave Sakura a suspicious glare, but let the subject drop and gestured to her hood.

"What's with these hoods all of a sudden?"

Sakura grimaced automatically, reaching up to self-consciously tug on the edge and hide her face even further. Belatedly, she tried to school her expression into something neutral, but she was a nin and so was Ino. That sort of discomfort was easily discernible for them.

"It's the pink, you know?" she said slowly, deciding to be truthful yet again. "People see it, and they want to come over and talk. And I'm busy these days."

Ino's look was unimpressed. "You're a ninja," she deadpanned. "Just henge it, for fuck's sake."

Sakura waved her hand and tried to act dismissive.

"Too much effort for something so small. Hoods are easier to deal with. Besides, my eyes have been hurting a bit. I think I've got some mild photo-sensitivity."

"Are you **sure** you're alright?" Ino demanded. There was urgency to her voice, like she was actually worried about her, which was utterly ridiculous. Immediately Sakura discarded the notion.

"I'm fine," she joked. She didn't smile, but she made sure to modulate her tone so that she came off as sarcastic. "I'm holed up in the hospital all day under fluorescent lighting. It's enough to turn anyone into a mole."

Ino seemed displeased but didn't push the subject. Behind Sakura's back the doorbell chimed as the entrance opened. A trio of nins in jounin gear walked in; all shinobi, smelling of cigarette smoke and bushfire as they laughed amongst themselves. They were in a good mood, but Sakura couldn't find it in her to be envious of them. Laughter was hard to come by as you got older, she'd learned.

"How's Naruto doing?" Ino asked conversationally. Sakura shrugged, making sure to keep her eyes glued to the table. The worms were still in Ino's bowl.

"The Hokage is fine. Wearing less orange these days, more white."

Ino nodded, pleased with the notion, then said, "He's a dead ringer for the Yondaime, eh? Bet he likes that." Sakura shrugged. She didn't know, to be honest. She didn't talk to him any more than was necessary.

"I saw Sai yesterday," Ino said, switching topics. When Sakura looked up in surprise, Ino made a _hnh_ noise in confirmation and slurped up another mouthful of worms. "He called me a bitch."

 _Noodles,_ Sakura reminded herself. _They're noodles. Keep it together._ Still, the bowl squirmed.

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

Sakura frowned at that. "Sorry," she said, and she meant it. "I thought he was getting better with the lies."

"Bang up job you're doing there, then," Ino joked, not seeing the way her expression tightened further. "He's still calling you ugly."

The word didn't even hurt anymore—the truth didn't, Sakura found—but the acknowledgement of her inadequacy did. If she wasn't good at her job people got killed. Trying to still the shaking in her hands, she carefully raised the teacup to her lips, taking a large gulp and letting the hot liquid scald her. It woke her up a bit.

"He's part of Sasuke's team, isn't he?" Ino said, a note of interest to her tone. "Does that mean they're both in town?" From the back of the café there came the peal of laughter and the sound of chair legs scraping across the floor. One of the jounins threw his head back in amusement, slapping his thigh before taking a bite of his meal. Sakura didn't want to correct Ino—it would lead to more talking, and she was **tired** —but her perfectionist's streak refused to be tempered.

"He works under Uchiha's division. But no, they're not on the same team."

"Hnh," said Ino. Outside the downpour increased, and sitting as they were right by the open windows the patter of the rain was thunderous. "How is Sasuke doing, by the way?"

"I don't know," Sakura said. "I haven't talked to him in a while."

"How long's _a while_?"

Sakura furrowed her brow, thinking. "Nine months, maybe? Ten?"

Ino's look was incredulous. Sakura managed to summon the energy needed for a scowl.

"What?" she said defensively. "It's totally natural! We work in different parts of the village, with different command structures. We have no reason to see each other at all."

Ino's expression turned sad. Sakura couldn't figure out why.

"Yeah, but you're on the same team," she said slowly, as if she was talking to a small child who was missing the point. Sakura shook her head and took a sip of tea. It burned going down her throat, but the pain felt good. It kept her awake. Outside, there was a crack of thunder. She almost expected to hear the chirping of birds, but there was none. She almost never heard the birds, now.

"We haven't been on a team in years," she said. Ino mercifully dropped the subject.

* * *

 

By the time she got home Sakura was soaked to the bone and sick to her stomach. Still she went through her daily ritual, as safety was important. First she walked up the front steps to her apartment, checking for traps and tags and wires. Then she circled the perimeter before slipping through the back window near her bed, after which she made a clockwise loop around her room, searching for any additional ambush. There was nothing that night, just like there'd been nothing for the last two thousand, five hundred and fifty-five nights, but one could never be too careful.

Sakura grabbed a ragged notebook resting beside her bed, along with a pen, flipping to a clean page and jotting down the date in red ink next to a scrawled, all-caps "CLEAR" to the left of it. She had sixteen more notebooks like the one she held, all stored in her bottom drawer and filled with line after line of one-word reports. Sakura was nothing if not thorough.

Once the search was complete, she took off her sodden shoes and tiptoed through her small, single-room apartment to place them carefully by the front door. Her flat was tiny, but she kept it in order. In one corner was her kitchenette behind a small island counter, and in the other a futon that was barely big enough to hold her. Next to her futon was a bookshelf, along with all her medical texts and scrolls and gear. Between her futon and her kitchen there was a three-foot long hallway. On the right side was her bathroom, and on the left a single storage closet. Sakura didn't get visitors often, and she liked that way. Whenever the Hokage sent someone to fetch her she needed to keep up appearances, which meant keeping things neat and clean. Naruto was rather nosy, and would start prying at the slightest provocation.

Sakura collected her unopened mail and put it on the counter, then put a pot of tea on the stove to try and calm her nerves. While she waited for the kettle she shucked off the rest of her clothes and stepped into her tiny shower, placing the water on full blast. Sakura had to curl up at the bottom to keep herself steady, her hands wrapped around her middle as she fought back the resurgent nausea. Every time she moved, the world roiled.

In her mind's eye, she could see Ino slurping down worms, one after another; she could still hear the wet squelching noise they made as they slithered past her lips. The liquid was scalding against her back to the point where her skin turned red. As she crouched her hair hung in thinning rivulets past her shoulders. Absently Sakura lifted a hand, palming it through the water and blinking at the build up of steam that dulled her senses. She'd have to cut her hair soon, she thought. It was getting too long. Too un-ninja like. Her shower was also taking too long, and she was using up too much hot water.

Ignoring the nausea she stood on shaky legs, quickly pouring some shampoo into her palm and lathering it into her hair. _You've been looking a little less… uhh, pink these days._ Ino's words came back to her. Morbidly Sakura wondered if she really could lose the pink in her hair; if she could wash it down the drain, like the rest of her color. Beneath her the bathroom tiles were chipped. As she washed out the last bit of shampoo Sakura noticed a broken shard by her foot—a new one that had probably fallen off the wall sometime during the day. She leaned down to pick it up, careful of the sharp edge and intending to place it on the nearby counter. As she rose her nausea spiked. A spell of vertigo gripped her hard.

Sakura automatically reached out to steady herself, dropping the tile. The shower was small—barely big enough for one person—and when it fell it sliced across her leg. There was a quick stinging sensation as the tile cut into her thigh. Sakura looked down, her hand still braced against the wall.

The cut wasn't deep, but between her ribs there was a sudden lightness. An airy feeling rose up out of nowhere, the world warping and contracting as she watched the watery red rivulet trail down her thigh and around the knoll of her knee. The air was too hot and her stomach was still upset, but oddly Sakura didn't feel so bad in that moment. The worry was almost manageable. Taking a deep breath, she watched the last of the blood trickle away. When it disappeared, the itching returned. So did the anxiety.

Irritated and feeling angry for wasting more water, Sakura gave herself one last rinse and turned the shower off, stepping sluggishly out of the stall. She didn't bother to towel her hair dry, as the kettle had started whistling. Yawning widely, she stepped over her sodden clothes and grabbed her too-big nightshirt, pulling it over her head as she made her way towards the kitchenette.

While Sakura was pouring herself a cup of tea there was a sharp, efficient knock at the door.

Anbu. It couldn't be anyone else, really. No one else visited, because Sakura had made sure no one knew where she lived. She'd purposely chosen her one-room apartment as far away from the shinobi district as possible, where the rest of her colleagues were stationed. There were less prying eyes that way.

Brushing her still-wet hair out of her face, Sakura walked to the door before swinging it open. She frowned when she did. The Anbu at the entrance wasn't one she was used to seeing. It was a shinobi in a cat mask, thin and lithe with sharp-nailed hands and a tuft of white-blond hair poking out from beneath the rim of his hood. Usually the one who came to fetch her was a woman in a crow getup. Sakura blinked once, then twice, eying the Anbu from head to toe. Through the holes in his mask she could see the glint of yellow eyes, the pupils slitted. Which clan had yellow eyes, again? She couldn't remember off the top of her head.

Sakura kept her voice neutral, her gaze fixed on the Anbu's chest as rain dripped from his shoulders. Overhead there was a crack of thunder. She didn't invite him in.

"Cat-san," she said, without inflection. "Where's Crow?" Crow was the Hokage's favourite when it came to in-town errands, or at least the one that he always sent to fetch her.

"Dead," said the Cat.

"Oh." Sakura didn't really know what to say to that, other than silence was probably appropriate. Idly she wondered what had happened to the kunoichi. Sakura blinked, before she turned her gaze back to the Anbu. He was watching her strangely.

"What does the Hokage need?" she asked.

From the folds of his cloak the Anbu retrieved a letter, folded twice and perched delicately between his fingertips. His nails were red and sharp as claws. _Bloodline, then._ Sakura thought bitterly. _Another Kekkei Genkai. How fortuitous._

Wordlessly, she took the letter and opened it in front of him, scanning over the hastily scribbled words:

_Sakura-chan, come visit tomorrow! Sasuke's back and he needs cheering up! (Don't tell him I said that)_

_Your favourite Hokage_

It took everything Sakura had not to rip up the letter right then and there. What a waste of valuable resources; of the Anbu in general. When she did see him again, Sakura decided, she was going to impart on the Hokage the necessity of not abusing the messenger system for trivial matters such as these. She looked up, planning to close the door and expecting to find it empty, but the Anbu with the yellow eyes was still there, watching her intently. His clawed fingers twitched by his sides.

"Is there something else, Cat-san?" she asked. Then a thought occurred to her, and she made sure to sound much kinder. "Do you need healing, perhaps?"

He shook his head, then nodded in the direction of her leg. Sakura looked down and saw a watery streak of blood still on her thigh, slowly staining the white cotton fabric of her shirt. The edge of the cut was visible from beneath the hem.

"Are you alright?" he asked, sounding oddly unsure. Sakura looked up and nodded her head, but didn't smile.

"It's fine. Not that deep. It'll heal on its own."

The Anbu gave no indication to his current thoughts, but nodded once before using body flicker to quickly dart away across the rooftops. Once he did Sakura closed the door and turned on her stove. She burnt the letter to a crisp above the burner, then crawled into bed, leaving her tea untouched on the counter as she willed herself to go to sleep.

She was tired. Everything else could wait till morning.

* * *

 

Sakura didn't visit the Hokage the next morning, nor did she visit him the day after that. It wasn't an official summons—nor a semi-official request—and as the letter hadn't been work-related Sakura knew she would be left alone for a bit. The Hokage was too busy to find time to search for her as a personal errand.

Sasuke was back, if the rumors were true, but he was so much of a non-issue these days that Sakura knew the risk of running into him was minimal. Still, she made herself extra scarce. The Last Uchiha didn't care about her one way or another, but he and the Hokage were close. If he saw her around there was a chance he might say something to Naruto, and Naruto was nosy. Very nosy. Sakura made sure to stay in her office from sunup to sundown, and when she did leave she always took the long, scenic route used by civilians. Her odds of being undetected were better that way.

At her desk, Sakura dropped the paper she was working on and rubbed at her forehead, willing her headache to go away. She was too tired to deal with the Hokage right now—with anyone, really—and her former teammate was an unnecessary distraction.

Across the table, Jiro shot her a nervous glance.

"Haruno-san, would you like me to fetch you something to eat?"

Sakura frowned and shook her head, looking up at him in confusion. "Why would I want to eat?"

Her assistant seemed nervous for a moment, biting his bottom lip. Then he blurted out in a rush, "You just—you just haven't eaten today. Maybe you're sick."

Sakura's frown deepened and she turned back to her desk. She waved a dismissive hand in his direction. "I'll eat later. I'm not hungry right now."

She didn't. After work Sakura went home, completed her safety checks, and had her shower. Then she went to bed.

* * *

 

Sakura may not have followed the Hokage's summons, but she didn't forget what she'd said to Ino about taking a break. Slowly, the idea began to ferment. She'd only said it to placate her friend but in hindsight it made perfect sense. There was an itch in her bones whenever she was in Konoha, and Sakura was so tired and simultaneously antsy that she was beginning to think she suffering from cabin fever. Whenever she ate food upset her stomach, the vertigo so extreme she often lost her balance. She hadn't figured out the food bit, yet, but Sakura was sure she would. She was a medic-nin, after all. She **had** to.

After another hour of mulling over the idea, Sakura nodded to herself. It was official. A break from the hospital would probably do her some good. A long mission, ideally, and as far away from Konoha as possible. It meant she'd have to ask special permission from the Hokage, of course, but Sakura was fine with that. It was a bit like ripping off a bandage; painful in the moment, then the burn was soon over.

Making sure she had something in her hands to look like she was busy, Sakura left her lab and made her way over to the Hokage's tower, keeping her head down and her hood up, pretending to read as she walked.

It worked. No one talked to her except for Naruto's assistant, who nodded kindly to her as she signed herself in. She shot Sakura a worried glance as she scribbled her signature onto on a piece of paper.

"You don't have to sign yourself in, Haruno-san," the assistant said. Sakura frowned, thinking it was pity she saw in the woman's gaze until she finished the rest of her sentence. "The Hokage says you're always welcome. You don't have to go through all this formality."

 _Ah_. So that's what it was. Her annoyance lessened and Sakura shrugged, although her frown deepened when she noticed the hand she was using to sign the paper was shaking. As unobtrusively as she could she set the pen down and hid her hands behind the counter. It wouldn't do for the assistant to notice.

"No," she agreed, and made sure to infuse a bit of friendless into her tone. "I don't have to sign. But the Hokage is young and needs to learn a bit of propriety, I think."

The assistant laughed, but the pinched look around her eyes remained.

"Yes, yes," she said. "Of course. He's upstairs as always, Haruno-san. I'm sure he'll let you right in."

Sakura nodded her thanks and walked up the stairs, one step at a time. Her feet felt heavy, her ribs hurting along her left side. Absently she reached up to rub at them to try and relieve the ache, but just as quickly she dropped her hand and clutched her papers. It wasn't wise for her to show weakness here, especially on the job. She was in front of Naruto's office, now. From behind the door Sakura could hear a boisterous laugh, then the sound of the Hokage's amiable voice, his words muffled through the wood. The ache got worse.

 _Just a bandage,_ she told herself. _It's just a bandage. Rip it off._ Her papers were her shield. She had an excuse to be there, a reason not to take up his time. Sakura knocked on the door, then before she could lose her nerve she turned the knob and went inside.

Immediately, she wished she hadn't.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto gasped, bounding up from his chair and knocking his hat clean off his desk as he quickly made his way towards her. His arms were open for a hug. For a brief moment of panic, all Sakura could see was a mess of blond and black and white.

Over to the right Sasuke was standing beside Naruto's desk, quiet and pale as a ghost.

_Fuck. Fuck, bad timing. I shouldn't have come—_

Sakura clutched her papers even tighter and made sure to look straight ahead. Before Naruto could reach her she shoved them into his open hands, keeping her expression neutral. "Suggested improvements," she said when a heavy look of confusion crossed his features. "For the hospital." She was thrilled with how steady her voice came across.

The Hokage's expression became comical as he eyed the papers, his hands raised in the air as if he'd forgotten what to do with them. A second later he made a _tch_ noise and haphazardly tossed them onto his desk. The folder slid open, the papers scattering across the floor. Sakura opened her mouth to criticize the action—she had prepared those papers, she really had, and to see that they meant so little to him—but her complaint was cut off as he swept her off the floor and into a giant bear hug.

"Got you!" he declared in delight. Naruto had a thousand watt smile as he held her up, his bright blue eyes so luminescent they were almost glowing. Sakura kept very, very still. It was only when her feet left the floor and he twirled her around that she reached for him, clutching his shoulder for stability and biting down on her tongue to keep herself from puking. She was careful not look in Sasuke's direction.

"Sakura-chan, you're so light!" Naruto exclaimed in surprise. When he put her down he kept her close, placing his hands on her shoulders as he ran them up and down her arms. His eyes tracked rapidly over her features as he took in every detail. Sakura kept her gaze fixed on his chest instead of his face, which wasn't hard. Gone were the days where Naruto was scrawny and short and dressed in orange. Now he was all gold and topaz and suntanned skin, a good head taller than her and his facial features made all the more striking by the fox-like characteristics that poked through around his nose and eyes.

It made Sakura uncomfortable, being around him. The physical difference between his golden good looks and her own drab appearance were stark. Sasuke was so far ahead of either of them that he wasn't worth mentioning. Of the three of them she was the only one that had remained the same; short, uninteresting, good with paperwork, but otherwise unmentionable. A ninja with pink hair. It was downright crushing.

Naruto's grin became slightly worried as he watched her _._ She'd been quiet for too long. She needed to smile.

"Have you been eating, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked as if it was a joke, but Sakura knew him well enough to know that he was needling. The minute he latched onto something the Hokage was like a dog with a bone. The boys were **both** like that, but Sakura barely registered to Sasuke, so she was safer around him when it involved his tenacity. Slowly Sakura chanced looking up, her facial muscles twitching into an awkward, rusty smile. Naruto returned it. There was an uncomfortable sort of intelligence behind his gaze that made Sakura think he knew more than he was letting on.

 _Fake it until you make it._ _Rip the bandage off._ Silently, she repeated the mantra.

"I'm fine," she told him through her false smile. "We can't all be pigs like you, you know."

"Oi!" he said with mock indignation, reaching up to ruffle her hair, only to be rebuffed by her hood and hand. "I'm the Hokage, now. You should show more respect!"

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

Naruto wrinkled his nose, his lips pulling back in a grimace to reveal unusually sharp teeth. "You know I hate it when you call me that, Sakura-chan."

"Yes, Hokage-sama. Make sure you look at my recommendations for the hospital." The Hokage tugged on the edge of her hood, grasping a strand of her hair between his darkly tanned fingers. He frowned as he examined the thinness of it. Sakura gently removed his hand.

"I also hate this hood thing you've got going on," he declared. Sakura sighed, rubbing at her face. The entire process was taking too long, and the itch was there, squirming beneath her skin.

"My eyes have been hurting lately. The hood helps."

"Your eyes hurt?"

Sakura stiffened as Sasuke's smooth baritone rolled over her—unusually alert and suspicious—but she quickly recovered, shrugging dismissively at his suggestion. If she didn't engage him beyond what was necessary the Uchiha wouldn't respond past his initial question. Sasuke was predictable like that.

"It's just a photo-sensitivity thing. I've been working long hours under too much fluorescent lighting." Sakura kept her eyes trained on Naruto's chest.

"Hnh."

Naruto's voice was a bit more concerned as he spoke.

"Maybe you need a break," he ventured. Sakura tried not to shudder when his hand came to rest on her shoulder, gently squeezing in concern. "Take some time off. Get some sleep."

Sakura saw her opening and took it. She nodded, trying to keep her voice light. "I was thinking about it, actually—a long term mission, outside the hospital. Something to get me back in the field."

"Mission?" Naruto said, sounding confused. Sakura didn't have to look him in the eye to know he was upset. "That's not what I meant when I said—"

"How's Hinata?" she asked, cutting him off.

"Oh!" Naruto gushed, immediately following the change in topics. There was such happiness to his tone—such unadulterated joy—that Sakura would have cried at the unfairness of it all, if she hadn't been disgusted with herself for being jealous. "Hinata-chan's good. Really good. You should come to dinner tonight! She's cooking again." Naruto leaned forward, cupping his hand around his mouth and whispering conspiratorially. "Sasuke's joining us, too. Hinata promised him fried tomatoes."

There was a muttered "dobe," then a stack of papers went flying through the air to hit Naruto on the back of the head. Sakura jumped slightly in surprise. The Hokage let out a shout of indignation, turning to face his former teammate while uttering threats of demotion.

"Chicken-ass, you better respect my authority or I'm gonna give you D-rank missions again!"

"You won't." Sasuke's answer was smug, but there was no malice behind it.

"I will!" howled Naruto, his hands still on Sakura's arms. "Just you wait! There's gonna be no tomatoes for you, for sure!"

Sakura's head throbbed. The world felt too bright and beautiful—too mundane when she was around them—and she was an intruder. She needed to get out. As casually as she could, Sakura unwrapped the Hokage's fingers from her shoulders, waving off his half-uttered protests. She kept her eyes trained on his chest.

"I can't tonight. I'm sorry. There are some things at the hospital I have to finish up."

"You **always** have things to finish," Naruto said, suddenly serious again. Sakura forced herself to laugh a bit, shoving her hands into her pockets as she stepped backwards towards the door.

"That's why I'm thinking of a change of scenery, remember? Something long-term, and away from the lab. I'll have to pick up my papers another day, so when I do we'll discuss it then, all right? It's not that pertinent."

"Over ramen?" he said cheerfully, full of hope.

Sakura nodded. "Sure." She didn't trust herself to say anything more.

Turning around Sakura grabbed the door handle and walked into the hallway with as much calm as she could muster. Once the door was closed, she let out a deep breath, sucking air back into her lungs like a man dying of thirst.

The hallway wasn't much better when it came to her nausea, but Sakura walked quickly, eyes trained on the floor as she made her way towards the stairs. It had been a bad time to come. It was uncomfortable being in the village on the best of days, and when she was around her former teammates it became unbearable. For a moment, Sakura was so desperate to escape that she nearly took off running. She didn't because the nausea peaked, and when it did her vision tilted and the world grayed out. She had to grab wildly at the wall to stop herself from fainting.

A large hand gripped her elbow, supporting her weight as she struggled to stand. It took Sakura a moment to regain her bearings, and when she did she nearly screamed when she saw who was standing next to her.

"Sasuke," she said, trying to keep her voice as impassive as possible. Her free hand was hidden in her pocket to stop him from seeing the tremors. She hadn't heard him coming up behind her. "Was there something you need?"

The Last Uchiha tilted his head down and to the side, watching her with too-bright eyes.

"Are you ill?" he asked bluntly. Sasuke's voice was deep—much deeper than it'd been when they were teens—rich with a slight rasp to the end that rumbled through his chest. Sakura didn't care much for black-eyed boys these days, or even red-eyed ones, so the sound of his voice did little for her. She frowned heavily and tried to muddle her way through the confusion. Why on earth was he asking her **that**?

"No," she said slowly. "Why do you ask?" She didn't understand why he was even talking to her. The only reason she could come up with was that he thought she was a liability to Naruto, which stung.

Sasuke's elegant black eyebrows pulled down over mismatched eyes as he scrunched up his nose, tilting his brow into a frown. The ends of his flyaway hair dusted the edge of his jaw as he tilted his head to observe her. Sasuke at twenty-five was much the same as Sasuke at seventeen, when it came to the basics: beautiful, deadly, and very cold. Sakura never talked to him outside of official business. She had no need to converse with the Head of Naruto's "Lightning Strike Force," the one that he'd created after the war. She was just a medic, and even when Sasuke was injured—which was never—he always went to someone else for treatment. It had hurt badly, in the beginning. Not so much his rejection of her, but his rejection of her skills.

"You're dizzy," Sasuke said in response to her question. "Thin." Sakura felt his lily pale hand grip her elbow just a little bit harder, his head tilting further as he eyed her. There was a hint of red swirling in his right pupil. The left one—that awful left one, with the lazily swirling circles of gray—was bright as the moon. His other hand was braced loosely on the hilt of Kusanagi. Sakura felt a twinge beneath her breastbone—a painful one—and knew it was shame. She'd wasted so much time on him when she was younger, and seeing him standing there now, staring down at her with cool dissatisfaction, made her hate herself for even trying to keep up with him. Even so, her medic-nin side—the perfectionist streak that refused to be tempered—reared its ugly head.

Movements slightly jerky with anger, she reached up, prying his fingers from her elbow. Sasuke let his hand drop but he didn't step back, looming over her and invading her space, all white and red and terrible. Sakura jabbed her finger into the center of his chest.

"You," she managed to get out, her voice choppy even as she went into medic mode. It was so much easier to deal with Sasuke when she thought of him as just a patient. She raised her finger from his chest and pointed to his face. "You know better than to turn _it_ on for something so stupid, especially in a place like this. Keep it off unless you need it or you're going to go blind again."

Sasuke's frown got deeper. So did the red, swirling like a bloody pinwheel as it unfurled in a pit of ink. The idiot was going to ruin his eyes over nothing, talking to her in a goddamn hallway, and for a second Sakura was so angry at his lack of care that she wanted to scream. She would have killed to have a bloodline like his, to actually be **useful** , and he treated the mere mention of it like trash.

"You're not my doctor," he said petulantly. The comment didn't sting. Not like it had before. "I'm not—"

"Exactly," Sakura said, cutting him off. "So why are you talking to me?"

Sasuke didn't have an answer, although there was a blankness to his features that made her think that maybe she'd caught him off guard; that he hadn't expected her to be so curt. When she was younger, Sakura would have died for a chance to be noticed by him. Later, she would have died for a chance to one-up him, to prove her worth. Now she was older. More aware and mature. There was no way she'd startled the great Uchiha over anything, and she knew it.

Without another word Sakura turned around and walked away. When no one followed her, she felt better for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Way, way back in the day, I used to write Naruto fanfiction to get over my fear of showing my work to others. I wasn't planning on returning to the fandom, but Naruto's a bit like junk food for me: comforting, and a bit of stress-reliever when I need a break from my other stories. Monomoth's gonna be AUish, but not a hard AU. Updates will be sporadic while I'm finishing my other stories, but I will complete this one too.


	2. Scorch and Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Revised April 3, 2018

There was a point, directly after the war and Sasuke's failed rebellion, where Sakura had thought the two of them would've been able to tolerate one another.

She hadn't trusted him at the time, nor did she love him—she'd been hurt once too often—but Naruto did. Sakura had been young and slightly hopeful. Not naive, per say, but wanting to believe the best in people, that things could and would get better. When Naruto had finally handed Sasuke's ass to him, Sakura thought that maybe she and their erstwhile teammate could settle into something resembling an ambivalent distance. She would smile and say "hello," while Sasuke would frown and grunt a "hnh" back. At night when she went to sleep, she could finally stop worrying that he was going to break in to kill her with a chidori to the chest. It had been a pervasive fear before that.

The Uchiha had been a mess when Naruto had dragged him into the hospital tent. Constant fighting, several large-scale tragedies and numerous breakdowns did that to a person, especially for someone high-strung and unhinged as Sasuke. He'd had a hole in his stomach the size of a fist, and was suffering from severe chakra depletion, bleeding heavily. Naruto had been forced to pick him up and shove him onto the makeshift cot. As he'd done so Sasuke began rambling about peace. He just wanted peace, he was going to **make** everyone want peace, why couldn't they see that, and _kaasan, where's kaasan? You fucking liar, she's not dead, I want kaasan. Get Itachi, Itachi will tell me the truth._

It had been the most awkward, uncomfortable thing Sakura had been witness to seeing. Standing there, still swaying from the aftereffects of genjutsu, she'd had to watch as Naruto told a clearly delirious Uchiha that his kaasan had been dead for a long, long time, and so was Itachi, because Sasuke had killed him. Yes, his otousan was dead too. Otousan would've been proud of him, Naruto amended, for being the strongest and discovering the truth. _Your parents loved you, Sasuke,_ he'd said gently. Sakura's heart ached. _Don't ever forget that._

When Sasuke had clued in to what time it was and remembered what had happened, he'd sobbed. He'd cried harder than Sakura had ever seen him do, crippled by grief and utterly depleted of energy. His hands had been red and sticky, his eyes leaking blood. Naruto was forced to lock him to the aforementioned cot, and as he'd done so Sasuke had ranted about failed revolutions and how nothing ever went right for him, he was tired, so goddamn tired, _just make it stop, please, fucking_ _ **kill**_ _me already._

Naruto had bit back his own tears, but he hadn't wavered. Still, it had been too much for Sakura to take in. She'd hated the war and she'd hated the Uchiha. Unable to stand it, she'd promptly left the tent and thrown up in a bucket. When Sakura returned, Sasuke had been put into a medically induced coma, his middle bandaged and chakra restraints around his wrists and ankles. Everyone had known he was too far gone to let loose.

"Think you can take care of him for awhile?" Naruto had asked, his gentle expression cracking under the strain of their collective grief. "I have to… I mean, I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

Sakura knew Sasuke **would** mind, but she'd still made the effort for Naruto. He deserved her help and so much more. By that point she was willing to give him the world, so long as things got better. She needed someone to stop the screaming inside her head.

"Sure," she'd said slowly, already dead on her feet and mouth tasting of bile. "But stay close, alright? He's—"

"I know," Naruto replied, a large, painful grin splitting his features. When he'd spoke again, his voice had cracked. "Don't worry. Sasuke's back for good. We're family, now. The only one he has."

Sakura had known it was a lie, but she wanted to believe him. She'd wanted so badly to put the past behind her: all of it, including Sasuke. Only that night, he'd woken up blind.

Sakura was dozing in her chair when she'd heard the crash. When she'd looked up it was to see Sasuke hyperventilating and falling haphazardly out of the cot, his restraints broken, hair wild and eyes spinning. Blood ran down his cheeks as the sheets tangled around his legs.

"My eyes," he'd babbled, clawing his way across the floor to gods know where. "My eyes, I can't see, who took them—"

And Sakura—bleeding heart, still hopeful Sakura, who'd just wanted to leave her childhood behind her—had gone to him anyways. She'd tried to pull him back into bed, but Sasuke had been too worked up to go anywhere, so she left him on the floor. The only thing that'd stopped him from driving his fist through her chest in a fit of panic was that he'd been out of chakra. Sasuke had been so tired that he'd collapsed against her, his head on her shoulder and soft black hair brushing along her chin.

Sakura had used one of her hands to run soothing circles along his back, the other to wipe the blood from his face. He'd looked a mess.

"I can't see," he'd said, even though his mangekyō had been spinning—red and bright and frenetically angry. Sakura made sure not to stare at it directly, but had carefully dabbed at the fresh blood with the base of her palm. Green chakra flowed from her fingertips as she'd repaired the damage as quickly as he created it. Desperately, she'd wished for Naruto. He was the one that should have been dealing with this, not her.

"Sasuke, you **can** see. You will, alright? I just need to fix it, and you need to calm down. You're hurting yourself." When the green enveloped her hand and tracked across his eye, Sasuke had pressed against her, blindly huddling inwards as he'd turned his face towards her shoulder.

"Sakura?" he'd mumbled.

"Yeah," she'd said softly. "It's me."

Sasuke let out a soft moan, pressing even further into the crook of her neck. Sakura had wanted this sort of physical closeness from him before, but not now. Never again. There was too much bad blood between them and all she'd craved was distance _._ Still, she loved Naruto, and Naruto loved him. Resigned and aching, Sakura had wrapped an arm around his broad back, the other returning to stroking his hair. There had been nothing romantic about the scene. Holding Sasuke was akin to holding a hysterical child; a giant, homicidal child with his finger on the trigger and the world set to explode. He was a walking time bomb with a brain, and it had taken her a good ten years to see that. She'd been so foolish.

"Want me to get Naruto?" she'd asked. He shook his head, teeth chattering against her neck, his blood smearing across her collarbone as he went into a state of shock. Sasuke's arms had locked up, his slender fingers spasming into hooks. _Life is cruel_ , Sakura remembered thinking. She'd leaned over and grabbed a blanket, wrapping it around his shoulders. The two of them had been so goddamn pitiable.

"Missed you," he mumbled against her neck. "Missed you a lot. Don't leave. Itachi's outside. He's going to kill us like kaasan."

Sakura sighed loudly and prayed for patience. She'd been so, so tired, even then. "Sasuke, Itachi isn't here. We've been over this, remember?"

"Yes he is. He's hiding behind the door. Always hiding, but you step out and he runs you through. I can't see. Someone took my eyes. Fucking Asura, he took my eyes, thinks he's otousan's favorite. I'm the best, they're mine, **mine** , I deserve them—"

She shouldn't have said anything in that moment. She really shouldn't have, but she'd just spent an eternity stuck in his genjutsu where he'd shoved his hand repeatedly through her chest. Sakura's good will was all used up.

"Itachi didn't run me through," she'd said, ignoring the heavy weight of him leaning against her; the way his teeth chattered loudly as he curled into her for warmth. She was stronger than that. "You did."

"No I didn't," he mumbled. He'd sounded even more child-like in that moment, terrified and full of blatant confusion. Sasuke's skin had burned with the fever. "I didn't. Itachi lies. Don't listen to him. Left you on a bench so you wouldn't get cut up like kaasan. I 'member."

It was too much, too soon. She couldn't deal with him like this. Sakura didn't want to be the only one that remembered what he'd done. It was too heavy a burden and she ached everywhere.

At that moment, Naruto and several other nins had arrived at the tent. After much screaming on Sasuke's part and additional ranting about his "glorious revolution," they'd knocked him out and gotten him back to bed. Sakura had remained on the floor, running her hands absently across her bloodied collarbones, only to draw back and see her fingers come away dyed with red.

"Sorry," Naruto had exclaimed, quickly crouching in front of her and drawing her into a fierce, desperate hug. He'd smelt like wood smoke and antiseptic, Sakura remembered clearly. "I'm sorry, Sakura-chan. I shouldn't have left. But we'll get through this. We will. We're family."

Sakura didn't have the heart to tell him that she thought his beautiful dream was a lie.

The next morning she'd returned to the tent, intending to help the other medics care for their more difficult patients. Sasuke's fever had broken during the night, and he was no longer delirious, but when he'd seen her enter the room he'd looked at her like she was Itachi incarnate.

Wild-eyed and hyper-panicked, he'd chucked his bedside table in her direction. Sakura had barely managed to dodge it, she'd been so surprised. Naruto had stepped between them, gripping Sasuke's face between his hands to keep him steady.

"Not her!" Sasuke snarled, his voice cracking with anxiety as he'd gripped Naruto's hands with his own. "Never her! Why's she here?! Send her away!"

And that had been it for Sakura. The end. Like a piece of porcelain shattering against the floor, her resistance to how much he loathed her—how incompatible they'd been from the beginning—simply vanished. She was done with him. She didn't even have the energy to fake affection for Naruto's sake.

That day she'd handed her supplies over to Shizune, giving the kunoichi instructions on how to care for Sasuke before walking away. They never talked to each other outside of official business again. At least, not intentionally.

* * *

 

"So you want a mission," Naruto said slowly, poking contemplatively at the pork floating along the top of his bowl. "A long one."

Sakura nodded and sipped at her tea, her own bowl of sho-yu ramen untouched.

"Yeah. Still medicinal based, but farther away. Maybe in one of the border towns? I could set up a clinic there, make it a volunteer-thing. They're always low on supplies and it would foster a lot of good will towards Konoha."

Naruto was frowning and uncharacteristically out-of-appetite, picking at his food instead of wolfing it down. Sakura tried to put a damper on her panic, the little voice at the back of her brain that was warning her that the Hokage knew something was wrong. She needed this. She needed to get away from the village, even if it was only for a bit.

"Something the matter?" she asked casually. Naruto finally took a bite of his meal, only it wasn't pork and noodles now, but bits of bone and liver and the ever-present worms. Sakura could hear his teeth crunching through the marrow as the insects slithered past his lips. She quickly looked away.

"Sasuke won't like it," he stated blandly. Sakura didn't look back, but she did frown, her hands clenching so hard around her teacup she almost cracked it.

"Why wouldn't he like it?" He had no reason **not** to like it. He didn't give a rat's ass when it came to her well-being, and he wasn't even involved with patrolling the border. Sasuke was the leader of a goddamn death squad. Sakura looked back to Naruto, and immediately wished she hadn't. He was currently gulping down a slice of human liver. If she squinted, Sakura could make out the tell-tale splatter of blood across his pristine white robes.

"You know why he doesn't like it. Bastard's paranoid about safety. You should see how bitchy he gets when anyone other than the LSF leaves the village."

Sakura wanted to scream. It didn't matter what Sasuke thought, because he wasn't the Hokage. Naruto was. Instead she settled for tapping her brittle nails in annoyance against the counter-top. On the other side, the latest waitress to join _Ichiraku's_ staff was looking at Sakura's untouched bowl with consternation.

"Is the food not to your liking, Haruno-san?" she asked. Naruto looked up; first to the waitress, then to Sakura, his bright blue eyes narrowed in suspicion. Behind them a red paper lantern hanging outside the door bobbed on an errant gust of wind. Before Naruto could get any ideas, Sakura quickly interjected.

"It could use something else. More broth, perhaps?"

The waitress's eyes widened, and she quickly reached for the bowl. "Of course, Haruno-san. I'm so sorry! Normally we use the appropriate—"

"It's fine, it's fine! My sense of taste is off these days, I guess. It's my fault, not yours."

When the waitress moved away, Sakura turned back to Naruto, her fingernails resuming their drumming across the tabletop. She tried to interject warmth into her voice, but her nervousness was beginning to show. "Honestly, though. Does it matter if Sasuke doesn't like it? He's not even in charge of border patrol."

Naruto looked towards her with a mouthful of noodles. Sakura tried not to gag at the sight of fresh blood coating the lower half of his face. His left eyebrow raised in derision, but after he finished slurping down his spoonful of ramen, he spoke with a voice that was full of concern.

"Sakura-chan, it's **Sasuke** ," he intoned, his eyes searching hers for some sort of emotion that Sakura was unfamiliar with. She didn't know why he kept stressing that point, nor did she have time for it. Gods, she was feeling sick. She didn't know how she was going to get through her meal. Sakura closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, willing herself not to cry.

"Please, Naruto. I just need a break. You said it yourself."

"I said you needed to take some time _off_. A year long border mission is not a vacation." His voice was flat and unimpressed. At that moment the waitress returned with Sakura's meal. Naruto's mood immediately improved.

"Didn't know you were so picky over ramen, Sakura-chan," he teased with an eyebrow wiggle bits of liver sticking in the spaces between his teeth. He leaned towards her, stirring noodles around his bowl. "C'mon, eat up!" Sakura looked down at her own bowl, then quickly looked away, trying to moderate her breathing. She could do this. She could. _Just rip the bandage off._

"Can I go to the border?" She needed an answer, and she needed one now. Naruto sighed through a mouthful of worms.

"I guess so," he mumbled, words muffled by the wet sounds of mastication; the crunch of little bones breaking beneath his teeth. "But I gotta work out the details, alright? Sasuke's gonna be pissed and I don't want him screaming at me again. He scares Hinata when he's like that."

"He won't."

"Yeah, yeah. Eat up! You're too skinny, Sakura-chan. If you're not careful, you're gonna blow away in the wind."

Not looking at her bowl, Sakura took her first bite. She tried to pass off her audible gag on the food being "too hot" as she felt worms and bits of liver slither down her throat. It tasted like blood. Like salt and bile and the sinew of muscles. _It's the corpses_ , she though with dawning realization. _The people I couldn't bring back. I'm eating my failures._

Again she took a bite, and then another, her foot jigging beneath the table and eyes watering as she tried to swallow it all.

Naruto continued to babble on about nothing, before switching to babbling about Hinata. He loved her hair, he said, and her cooking was the best. The smell of medicinal herbs drying on wooden racks reminded him of home. They went and visited Neji's grave every day. Kakashi's, too.

"You visit the cemetery to see your folks?" he asked. Sakura finished the last bit of her noodles, quickly pushing the broth away and hiding her hands in her pockets to obscure the tremors.

"Yes. Once a week."

Naruto nodded, then grinned. "The bastard brought them flowers last night. They're yellow this time, and really nice! You should stop by and take a look." Something ugly sprung to life inside Sakura's chest, twisting and acidic. It was so strong that it drowned out the taste of the blood.

"Tell him to stop. It doesn't concern him."

Naruto laughed and slapped her back good-naturedly. The force was so strong it rattled her bones. Sakura had to quickly reach up to slap a hand over her mouth to keep projectile vomit from flying everywhere. Naruto yelped as his hand hit the wing of her shoulder blade.

"Geeze, Sakura-chan, your shoulders are so bony!" he exclaimed. Then, "of course it concerns him. You know how big Sasuke is on family, all traditional n' stuff."

Sakura knew exactly where the conversation was heading, and she loathed him for it. "Naruto, I don't want to talk about how he killed my parents, alright? I **don't**. I wish you would just drop it."

Immediately the blond-haired Hokage sobered up. An uncomfortable silence fell between them. When Naruto spoke again he sounded terribly sad. "Sorry. I shouldn't have done that." He let out a self-deprecating laugh and Sakura didn't have to look up to know that he was awkwardly running a hand across the back of his head. "I just figured it's been ages, y'know? And Sasuke's upset these days. The Clans—"

Sick. She was definitely going to be sick. Sakura could taste the blood coating her tongue and throat. She roughly pushed back her stool and stood.

"Do you think I could cut our meal short?" she said, keeping her eyes trained on the tabletop. "I just remembered that I have to prep some notes for an experimental surgery at the hospital."

With detached horror Sakura watched as Naruto's hand snaked into her field of vision, gripping her own and holding it gently in his. His fingers were warm, his palm broad and tanned. Her own skin had a grayish cast, and she could see the outline of bones poking through along her knuckles and wrist.

"Of course, Sakura-chan. I'd do anything for you. You know that, right?"

"I'm going to hold you to that. Process my request."

"Sure, sure," he agreed amiably, then leaned forward, his voice taking on a mischievous hint. "Hey, want an escort?"

Sakura would have groaned in annoyance if she hadn't been terrified of puking first. "I don't need an escort, Naruto."

"Sure you do!" he declared, then leaned forward even further, cupping his hand around his mouth in a conspiratorial whisper. He was smiling so widely the skin around his eyes was crinkling. "Can I send Cat-san? I think he likes you. He's been watching the entire meal."

Sakura looked up as he said that, a flare of panic sparking beneath her breastbone. Not fair. Not fair at all. He knew no one liked her, and they both knew all he wanted was to have her monitored. Watched, as if she were someone suspicious. The reality of the whole situation burned.

"I said I'm fine. He's your escort, not mine."

"Nah," Naruto said, waving his free hand in dismissal. "I've got him on loan from Sasuke while the LSF is in town! You know he's the one that works with the Clans." With that the Hokage leaned back in his seat, cupping his hand around his mouth as he hollered ungraciously up at the rooftop. Sakura winced at the volume.

"OI! WHISKERS! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!"

"Naruto, please!" she hissed, trying to free her hand. "I'm fine!" Even as she did so a black and white figure blurred into existence behind them. Sakura felt her dread build as the Anbu unfurled and straightened. She caught the flash of bright red nails and the tell-tale tuft of white blond hair, poking out from beneath his hood.

"Haruno-san," he said, without inflection. Sakura's jaw was tight as she spoke.

"Cat," she nodded in acknowledgement, and he nodded back. "I don't need an escort." The Hokage wasn't hearing it.

"Nonsense, Sakura-chan!" He was oddly serious, and for a single, horrifying second Sakura thought that he knew. "I insist."

Sakura let the other nin escort her home. She couldn't risk anymore questions.

The Anbu was quiet the entire way there, jumping from tree to tree as she quickly walked along the road. Sakura's nerves were too shot for her to attempt anything other than the civilian path, on foot and grounded. The world spun, her arms crossed tightly over her chest as she gnawed on her bottom lip. She was so focused on putting one foot in front of the other—on not puking up her guts—that the world started wobbling. When she did trip she was too distracted to keep herself from falling.

Sakura hit the ground hard. Then the embarrassment set it.

She'd tripped. She'd actually **tripped**. In public, in front of another nin. The shame was so great that she wanted to curl up and die. The itching sensation beneath her skin made her want to rip off her flesh, just to get to the aching.

The Anbu didn't catch her, but soon after she fell Sakura saw a pair of sandal-clad feet with bright red toenails come to stand in front of her. A moment later the nin bent down, palm up as he offered her his hand. Up close she could see his nails were actually claws, over an inch long and razor sharp.

"You'll be alright," he said softly. His hand was open and inviting, free of judgement. There was no anger behind his voice. Just a mellow, emphatic kind of support.

Full of shame, Sakura reached over and grabbed his hand, biting her bottom lip as he quickly helped her up. He did so without comment, taking care not to cut her with his claws. It was odd being around nins with visible bloodlines, Sakura thought numbly. She didn't see them all that often. Briefly she dwelt on her memories of the long-dead Kisame, before wondering where the perpetually belligerent Suigetsu had escaped to. Sasuke's teammate was prone to lurking around Konoha, and he was a brat.

"You're one of Uchiha's?" she asked. The Anbu nodded again.

"Yes."

Sakura looked up at his face, trying not to glare. The white blond hair that was whispering around the edges of his mask had escaped even further. "Don't tell him about this, understand?"

"Yes, Haruno-san." He didn't blink or hesitate.

Unable to stand the sight of his hair any longer—the slight imperfection—Sakura reached up, grabbing the wisps and quickly tucking them beneath his hood. He stiffened as she did so, fingers clenching, and it was only them that Sakura realized he was still holding her free hand. The shinobi's claws were curled carefully around the top of her palm.

"Keep it hidden when you're in town, alright?" she told him. "Your hair makes you easy to spot." He nodded in compliance. She should have known. She should have realized right away that the nin was one of Sasuke's, and Sakura hated herself for not thinking of it. The entire Strike Force was notoriously unsubtle, with the exception of Sai and maybe one or two others. Fuck, was she ever a fool.

"Thank you," the Anbu said. He still hadn't let go of her. Sakura didn't respond and removed her hand anyways, unable to suppress the visible shudder that raced down her spine as his nails scraped across the top of her palm.

Once they arrived at her apartment and the Anbu left, Sakura hastily completed her ritual and marked down another 'CLEAR.' Afterwards, she rushed to the bathroom where she promptly threw up the entire contents of her stomach.

No ramen, never again. She was sick of it.

* * *

 

Her mission had been approved.

Shizune was taking over her duties at the hospital while she was gone, and Naruto had found her a town that was far away from any hotspots. Sakura was cleared to set up her clinic in the border region between Fire and Wind, where she would stay for the rest of the year. The only caveat to the entire deal was that she had to hitch a ride out of town with Sasuke's squad. Once they reached the border, she'd turn south and they'd continue west. There was trouble on the horizon, but no one had told her what it was. Sakura didn't care.

According to the rumors, the Last Uchiha was upset with the whole arrangement.

"Sakura-chan," Naruto had warbled, slumping further and further behind his desk until he was a puddle of Hokage robes on the floor. "Help me. Sasuke's on the warpath."

"He's your problem, not mine." Sakura said, not looking at him as she'd scanned the mission report. The village's name was Tōbetsu: small and out of the way, in an area of zero military importance. _Good_.

Naruto had moaned and covered his face with his hands, rolling across the floor. "So cruel, Sakura-chan. Abandoning me to the bastard! And after everything I've done for you!"

"Get off the floor, Hokage-sama, or Gaara will be my new favourite."

"Never!"

Ino's response was more measured.

They met early in the morning on the day Sakura was set to leave, at a small eatery near the front gates to Konoha. Ino ordered her meal and Sakura stuck with her tea. All her personal belongings were already packed, shoved into a single knapsack that Ino called "beyond puny." Her medical supplies for the extended trip took up two duffel bags, and halfway through the year more supplies would be delivered. Sakura had yet to seal them in a scroll and currently they were sitting by her left leg on the floor. Ino was subdued as she finished her breakfast.

"Are you sure you're up for this?" she asked, not meeting Sakura's eye. "You're looking really rough around the edges, and the border regions can be harsh."

"I'll be fine," Sakura assured her. "I passed my physical." She had, albeit barely. There was no way she was letting Naruto see the actual results. Ino's full lips twisted into an uncomfortable grimace as she swallowed a mouthful of okayu. She put her spoon down and folded her hands in front of her, looking straight at Sakura. The truth was blurted out in a rush.

"I don't think you are," she said. "Sakura, I mean it. You look sick. You need to let Shizune check you out."

She wasn't sick. She was a medic-nin, and if she were ill she would've known it by now. It was just the lingering in Konoha that was killing her.

"I'll be fine." Sakura reiterated somewhat testily. It was warm that morning, but Sakura had dressed in jounin pants and a long-sleeved shirt, over which she'd worn her medic's gear and a hooded jacket, similar to Aburame's. "I'm hitching a ride with the LSF. There's no safer place to be in the country." It was something Ino couldn't argue with, and Sakura knew it.

They said their goodbyes; Sakura's tense and stilted, Ino's withdrawn and angry. Afterwards, Sakura picked up her duffle bags and headed to the rendezvous point to loiter around with the rest of the Strike Force. There were nearly fifty LSF waiting there, as they traveled en mass.

Sasuke's team was considered overkill by any nin with half a brain. It was full of former Anbu, and almost all of them had bloodline limits and clan-based jutsus. They wore no masks to hide their identities, making up for what they lacked in stealth with raw power and speed. After the war, Sasuke had come up with the idea of integrating all the clans into a single platoon. It kept them focused and stopped the infighting. Sakura knew several of the LSF by name—a handful of the Hyugas were among them, Hanabi included, along with Suigetsu and Juugo—but not enough.

Most of Sasuke's platoon were talking quietly amongst themselves when she arrived. Others sharpened weapons or counted their scrolls last minute. There were a couple non-clan members with them—they were conspicuous in their blandness compared to the bloodline nins—but Sakura didn't see Sai. Hanabi waved her over as she waded through the crowd, walking up to her with a sway to her hips and a friendly smile on her face. Her long dark hair was tied behind her, her clothing distinctly Hyuga. For a moment she looked so much like Neji in the way that she held herself that Sakura's insides ached.

"Sakura," she said, a sly smile working its way across her lips. She reached out, palm open, and Sakura put her bag down to grip Hanabi's hand. The younger woman pulled her into a sisterly hug, and Sakura returned it with minimal awkwardness. The two of them were friendly with one another, as Sakura understood the other girl's drive for perfection, while Hanabi admired her dedication. Naruto had also married Hinata, which helped.

When she pulled back Hanabi stayed close, keeping her hand clasped around Sakura's forearm as she balanced her weight on her left hip.

"I heard you were joining us. Just to the border, is it?"

Sakura nodded, but didn't smile. "Just to the border, then I'm heading south." Hanabi wasn't gripping her hard, but the place where she held her ached badly, as if she'd been punched. Hanabi sniffed imperiously, tilting her head up and looking down her nose at Sakura in a gesture that was clearly disapproving. The younger woman was aristocratic to the core.

"I'm surprised the Hokage let you go."

Sakura knew where the conversation was headed and quickly veered her off. "You know Naruto. Easily swayed by the promise of ramen. How's your sister doing?" Hanabi groaned and rubbed at her forehead. Sakura was almost positive she'd rolled her eyes, but it was hard to tell.

"Ugh. Everything's Naruto-kun this and Naruto-kun that. It's going to be even worse when she has the baby. The two of them are **so** embarrassing."

"Welcome to the club," Sakura said.

A prickling sensation made itself known between her shoulder blades, and Sakura knew they were being watched. Curious, she turned towards the voyeur. There was an LSF nin eying them, dressed all in white with a crimson sash tied around his hips, his stark white haori open to his naval. He had tattoos inked in matching red lines that ran the length of his chest, along with a red stripe that went from his bottom lip to his chin. The nin's eyes were yellow and slit like a cat's, his white-blond hair dusting his neck.

Even without the mask, Sakura recognized him. It was the feathery blond hair that was so fine that wisps of it where sticking to his cheeks with the slightest breeze. "Cat-san," she said in acknowledgement. He blinked once, tilting his head to observe her.

"Susumu," he corrected blandly, eyelids drooping. There was red on them, and his eyebrows—what was left of them—were red too. It took Sakura a moment to catch on.

"Pardon?"

"My name's Susumu."

"Oh." She wasn't exactly comfortable calling him by his first name, but he didn't seem inclined to provide a clan one. And he was **definitely** from a clan. "Do you want me to call you that?"

"Yes."

Morbidly, Sakura wondered what his bloodline was. Nins with bloodlines were always dangerous, and the ones that ran with Sasuke even more so. Beside her Hanabi tilted her head, reaching around herself to absently draw the length of her ponytail through her hand.

"Susu you better watch out, or you're gonna get bit," she warned.

_Susu_ ignored her, continuing to stare at Sakura intently. Hanabi sighed again and stalked off. Sakura didn't return the nin's gaze, folding her arms defensively over her chest and looking sideways. The incident where she'd tripped hung unspoken between them.

"What clan are you from?" she asked.

"Ueda," he said, taking a step towards her. Sakura wrinkled her nose when he said his name. The designation was unfamiliar to her. Either he'd spent most of his time outside the village, or he was from one of the newer clans that had been absorbed after the war. Susumu blinked, and Sakura realized his eyes were **all** yellow—sclera and iris. He was terribly pretty, and she'd harbored a well-known weakness for pretty nins back in the day. Delicate features and boys with long eyelashes had practically been her calling card.

"You're not from Konoha, are you?"

The nin shook his head and took another step. The contrast between the red stripes on his chest and the paleness of his skin was distracting.

"Shimogakure," he replied. "We integrated into Konoha after the war."

"How big's your clan?"

"Not big," he admitted. There was only half a foot of space between them now, and he was carrying no weapons. Nins who needed no weapons other than themselves were bad news. Susumu looked down at her with a thoughtful expression. He was shorter than the Uchiha, but still half a head taller than her. "It's just me and my sister," he continued. "The rest are dead."

Sakura felt her heart twinge unexpectedly. She frowned, crossing her arms over her chest to try and will away the ache. "I'm sorry," she said truthfully. Being alone was a terrible burden, privileged clan member or no. "How old is your sister?"

"Ayano," he corrected. Although he didn't smile, Sakura could hear the warmth behind his voice. She knew there was love there. _A good shinobi_ , she thought. _A good person._

"Sorry. How old is Ayano?"

"Eight," he said. "She's going to graduate from the academy this year."

Against all odds, Sakura felt a real smile stealing its way across her features—the first one in months. The gesture was so painful that she nearly burst into tears. "That's wonderful," she said, her voice thick as she put a hand to her face and tried not to sniffle. "Really, I'm glad. You take good care of your sister, okay? I'm sure she loves you." _Please, please, don't be another Itachi_ , was what she really wanted to say.

Susumu blinked, and when he opened his eyes there were three pupils in either eye instead of just one, which made him look like a spider. He smiled softly, the red ink stretching across his chin and bottom lip.

"I promise, Haruno-san."

"Good," Sakura said, giving into sniffling and nodding once in confirmation. She rubbed furiously at her nose. "Good. You **better**. You can call me Sakura, if you want. I don't mind."

"Alright."

On a nearby log Suigetsu watched them. Sakura didn't see him around all that often, as he stuck to Sasuke like glue. He grinned at her, taking a swig of his water bottle. His expression was practically devious.

"Oi, oi, Susu-chan," he sing-songed, leering at the blond nin beside her. His lips pulled back to reveal his teeth. "You shouldn't get too close to Pinky. Uchiha's gonna bite your head off make you pull last shift."

Sakura glared at the nin and his unfortunate moniker. She couldn't help it if she had pink hair, and he wasn't making her mood any better. Susumu didn't respond to the insult, but Sakura caught him clenching his hands. His sharp red nails dug into his palms deep enough to draw blood.

"Stop that," she chided, automatically falling into medic mode and grabbing his hands to unfurl his fingers. He had unusually smooth skin for a nin. "You're going to hurt yourself." She healed the gashes without a second thought.

Suigetsu's grin grew wider. He started laughing. "Shit, Susu-chan," he cackled, slapping his knee and pointing. "Shit, you're so doomed! Uchiha's gonna beat your ass for sure!"

Over by the gates, Hanabi's voice was shrill as she yelled at him. "Suigetsu, shut it!" He made kissing noises at her. Sakura glared at the nin. Suigetsu turned and grinned back.

"What does Uchiha have to do with any of this?" she demanded.

It was then that Sasuke chose to make his timely arrival.

"Ueda," he snapped, fist clenched around the hilt of Kusanagi as he strode towards them. "Squad D, formation A. Move it. Suigetsu, you're with him. Sakura, with me." Both his eyes were spinning, blooming red and white like the Uchiha crest on his back. He looked furious.

Suigetsu grinned and winked at Sakura, dissolving into a puddle as he sunk into the ground. Susumu melted away, silent as a shadow. Sakura glared at Sasuke, but consoled herself that she'd only be around him for a day, maybe two at the most, and once that was done she wouldn't see him for over a year. She crouched low, reaching for her bags. It was time to put them in their designated scrolls.

Before she could, Sasuke angrily swiped the bags out of her grasp and sealed them into scrolls of his own. He shoved them into the obi tied loosely around his middle. Instantly Sakura got the message; that he thought she was too weak, too irresponsible to handle even a measly pad of paper. She was furious.

"What is **with** you?" she demanded, trailing after him as he stalked off towards the gates. The rest of the LSF began rousing, splitting into their respective units. Sasuke turned his head as he walked, looking over his shoulder toward her.

"While you're with my team, you follow my rules. The dobe should have told you that already."

"I can carry my own bags. Give them back."

He snorted in disbelief and turned his head, but it was too late. Sakura had seen it. His sharingan was fluctuating rapidly without him meaning to, a sure sign he was either upset or severely injured. Sakura knew it was the former. "If I carry it, we'll travel faster," he was saying.

"It's a **scroll**."

"I said I'm carrying it."

"Are you mad at Naruto?" she demanded. She was so upset she was shaking. Her heart was fluttering inside her chest, and not in the good way. It felt suspiciously like a palpitation.

"Yes," he seethed. Sakura was shocked he'd even admitted to it. "The dobe's being a dobe, and this is stupid. The border situation's tenuous."

"He's the Hokage," she argued. "It's his right. Now give me my scrolls."

"No," Sasuke insisted. "This is the LSF. My rules. My platoon. If you don't like them, you can stay in Konoha."

When she managed to catch up to him,Sakura saw his eye was still fluctuating, shrinking and expanding in rapid succession as the pinwheel turned. It was going to start bleeding soon, she knew. "Sasuke," she said, trying to move forward so she could stand in front of him, but he was walking too fast. "Sasuke."

"What?!" he snapped, turning back and nearly throwing the scrolls to the forest floor.

He must have been really upset if he was this visibly worked up. It didn't happen often, but Sakura didn't care. She'd seen worse from him over the years, and she'd been under his genjutsu so many times she wasn't afraid of his eyes in the slightest. What was he going to do? Stab her again? Shove his hand through her chest? He'd killed her so many times in her dreams that his aggression had reached the heights of pointlessness.

"You need to calm down."

"I am calm."

Without thought Sakura reached up, craning her neck as she grasped his face in one hand and used the other to cover his eye. Her palm flooded with green. She thought he would resist, but he didn't, instead bowing his head and leaning inwards so she could reach him better. While she worked he watched her with the rinnegan, the six tomoes spinning lazily but wholly stable. He was still breathing far too quick, however.

"You're going to hurt yourself," Sakura told him blandly. She didn't do it out of charity. She needed him to get her to where she was going as quickly as possible, so she could never, ever see him again. "You know you should only turn it on when you need it. I've told you this, numerous times." The damage was minimal, but she could sense some serious pinching of the nerves behind his eyes, which must have been painful. Sakura wondered if his doctor was incompetent, or if Sasuke was just stubborn. The problem was old and should've been fixed ages ago.

"Your nerves are pinched. Sasuke, why didn't you fix this? Where's your doctor?"

He sneered beneath her hand, and she could feel his facial muscles twitching. It was an odd sensation. "I don't have one."

It was like swallowing glass.

When she was younger, Sakura would have ranted and raved at his foolishness. She would have insisted that he let her help him, because she was a medic-nin and she was the only one he should have trusted. Now, she didn't want to think about it. She didn't even bring it up. She was older, wiser, and so goddamn tired. If she didn't talk to Sasuke beyond an initial question or two, he always dropped the subject. Sakura sighed and ignored the omission, moving her hand to the center of his chest. His heartbeat jumped beneath her touch, but she was more concerned about the speed of his breathing. She sent a pulse of warm chakra through his chest to try and calm him.

"Your breathing is too fast," she told him, avoiding his gaze. He'd grown oddly quiet. "Try to self-moderate, okay? If you don't you'll give yourself a heart attack. Be careful, for Naruto's sake." It was the only thing they had in common. Sasuke had gone from hating the Hokage to being overprotective to the point of obsession. He was viciously loyal, and there was no middle ground with him.

"It's the family thing," Naruto had told her once, not long after the war when Sasuke was still halfway crazy. "It's all he cares about. You're either family or you're not." Sakura knew which side she fell on.

"Hnh," mumbled Sasuke. Just as he was reaching up to remove her hand, Sakura drew away, far enough that she was out of immediate arms' length. She crossed her own arms over her chest. Sasuke could keep the damn scrolls, for all she cared. She was done with him, and almost free of Konoha.

If Sasuke was thrown by her standoffish attitude, he said nothing, although even after she drew away he stayed uncomfortably close to her side. Around them the LSF had finished assembling and were ready to move out. When Sasuke spoke again, his voice was full of authority, the anger gone and the arrogance back.

"Don't stop until nightfall," he commanded. "Waterfall formation. Squad D, cover our rear. Remember the motto."

"Always, Cap'n." Suigetsu drawled, emerging out of the ground and strolling leisurely towards the gate. " _Scorch and Burn, LSF unto Death._ Let's bring the rain and make 'em howl."

Hanabi leaned over and smacked him upside the head.

"Shut it, Puddle. Get back to your unit."

"You know you love me."

" **Suigetsu** ," snapped Sasuke. "Fall in line."

He did it instantly, without any consternation. If she hadn't been feeling so out of sorts Sakura would have marvelled at his obedience; at the way Sasuke's squad followed his command to the letter. She didn't, and the LSF moved out.

Soon Konoha was nothing but a pinprick on the landscape behind them.


	3. Slenderwick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Revised April 3, 2018

They traveled for a day.

The LSF moved fast, their speed enhanced by a communal jutsu through one of its members. Little thought was given to secrecy inside their own borders, and as such they made excellent time. They were making their way to the border junction between Ame, Kusa and Konoha, according to Hanabi. It was farther north than Sakura would have liked, as it made her trip longer, but she consoled herself with the fact that soon she'd be able to turn south and wind her way towards Suna. Once they crossed Konoha's borders, it was assumed the LSF would go dark. The platoon was as subtle as a bag of fireworks but they could utilize stealth when the situation required. Sasuke also kept a tight rein on his underlings.

While milling about the rendezvous point, Sakura had overheard rumors; whispers that something northwest was eerily amiss. The LSF were tight lipped about the details however, especially in the Uchiha's presence, so she didn't pry. Despite the twinge of insecurity that tugged at her chest whenever she thought of being excluded, Sakura knew it wasn't her place. Keeping quiet, she traveled with Sasuke at the head of the vanguard.

It wasn't the best spot for a medic to be, but the Uchiha was instantly recognizable so she was marginally safer. With them was a kunoichi named Aya wielding a three-pronged gunbai akin to Madara's. There was also a pair of dark-haired twins from an integrated clan—Sora and Shun—along with Hanabi and Juugo, the third member from the long-fractured Taka. Sakura had always been fond of him. With a seal in place Juugo was sweet and understated, and Sakura had always thought that he was a bit like her.

Before they'd set off, the hulking nin had nodded to her in greeting. Sakura had nodded awkwardly back. She didn't mind acknowledging him, but she'd been uncomfortable doing so because Sasuke was near. The Last Uchiha's sharingan had been dark but the rinnegan was bright, tomoes spinning as he'd stared at them like some sort of piebald harlequin that was beginning to uncomfortably resemble Madara. Sasuke's features were more delicate—his nose not as long, his chin not as wide—but the more he aged, the more he mirrored the mad Clan Head of the Uchiha Dynasty. Sakura didn't like it. If his hair had been longer she would've been forced to do a double take to make sure it really **wasn't** him. It didn't help that their chakra signatures were nearly identical.

As they travelled, Sakura's strength kept lagging. Most of the nins were at peak performance, and while her chakra control was as impeccable as ever she'd barely passed her physical. They ran for hours, and as they did Sakura's exhaustion grew. She didn't feel low on chakra, per say, but something else: energy, perhaps, and definitely air. Less than half an hour in she realized just how out of shape she'd been. Her feet were numb, her joints aching every time she hit the ground. The constant nausea and building vertigo messed with her balance, and more than once she had to quickly veer out of the way to avoid a tree. Around her Sasuke's death squad said nothing.

The LSF changed patterns as they moved, randomly zig-zagging to make them more difficult to target. Sasuke's platoon traveled in squads consisting of six nins each, although ten of them had been left behind on account of other duties, including Sai. Each team was relatively well balanced in terms of skills, but it didn't take long for Sakura to understand the cruel calculus of the way that Sasuke divided them. Offensive shinobi with aggressive bloodlines were placed in the vanguard, while defensive nins flooded the flanks. Anyone who tried to flee a main assault would run into a trap. The entire operation was efficient, cold, and completely Uchiha: full of a detached sort of aggression that was fueled by paranoia and the ideological need to protect yourself with bigger and better weapons.

"He's working through it," Naruto had said, soon after the LSF was created. He'd been trying to placate Sakura's misgivings about giving Sasuke even more power to play with. "It's a good thing, Sakura-chan. It **is** , all right? The bastard needs something to protect. It keeps him focused."

There was barely any difference between a protector and an avenger, Sakura had thought. One was fueled by fear, the other anger. She tried not to think about it too much, but Uchiha's unnerving focus began to make her own paranoia spike the more the day drew on. It had been years since he'd paid attention to her. Sakura tried to travel beside Hanabi at first—she trusted the younger woman, and was comfortable around her—but it didn't last long. Sasuke was _hovering_. Sakura knew this because whenever she tried to move away he would subtly change track and move towards her to make up the distance. When he did so, Hanabi fell off. His movements were so slight they could have been mistaken for accidental, but Sakura had known him long enough to realize they were anything but. The sort of passive-aggressive behavior Sasuke was displaying was painstaking familiar. It only served to wear her down further, and the border couldn't come quickly enough. She was exhausted.

When Sasuke finally called the platoon to a standstill on the edge of a bamboo grove near the boundary, it was all Sakura could do not to put her hands on her knees and start panting. As Sasuke stopped, the rest of the LSF came to a rolling halt.

Those on the ground loped to a stroll, while nins darting from tree to tree clung to the stalks with chakra. There were few bamboo forests in Konoha, as it wasn't the right climate, but along the junction between Ame and Kusa they were practically endemic. The shoots were a vivid green, slender and widely spaced. Just ahead of them there was a wide strip of lush emerald grass, tall as a man's hip and growing in the dead zone along the two sides. Past the dead zone was another bamboo grove. When Sakura squinted, she saw the blue-grey outline of Iwa's mountains along Kusa's northern border. It was a familiar sight.

As the platoon paused, several sensors and a pair of Hyugas shot out ahead of them, staying low and darting through the long grass like wisps of shadows to circle the squad. To the south the grass stretched on unhindered, shrouded in heavy, low lying mists. Around them the LSF waited in perpetual silence, masking their chakra. The lea was quiet, but not suspiciously so; filled with the melody of whirring cicadas, buzzing mosquitoes, and the occasional croak of a frog. There was the faint rumble of thunder from Ame, but Sakura knew there was little chance of it coming their way. There was no wind.

Hanabi came to a stop nearby, standing between two verdant green bamboo and head held high as she activated her byakugan. Veins bulging around her eyes, she stared past the tree line towards the field. Sakura tried to control her breathing, as in the silence it sounded embarrassingly loud. Eventually she had to put a hand to her chest to try and sooth away the ache. When she did, Hanabi tilted her head as if she'd done something of interest. Still the other woman said nothing, watching and waiting with the rest of the LSF for the signal.

There was the hoot of a heron, followed by the sharp trill of a lark. Hanabi relaxed, the woman's stance visibly softening. The LSF began moving again, only this time it was to set up camp, placing explosive tags around the perimeter and unpacking supplies.

One of the nins—a short, brown-haired shinobi dressed all in purple—went through a series of complicated seals, casting an illusion over the entire base. Sakura was slightly surprised that Sasuke didn't do it himself, but then reasoned he had no need to. He wasn't the only genjutsu specialist in the LSF, and he had been with his platoon long enough to likely trust them with what they were doing.

Rubbing at her chest where the ache was the worst, Sakura stared towards the open strip of grass and the thunderclouds in the distance. They were so dark they looked almost black. Hanabi didn't glance at her directly, but she did lean towards her as she spoke. Her byakugan was still active.

"Your heartbeat's arrhythmic," she murmured.

"Oh?" queried Sakura, hoping she'd drop it.

Hanabi deactivated her bloodline and rocked back on her heels, hands still on her hips as she followed Sakura's line of sight. "I don't think you should run for a few days," she said, turning towards her. Her expression almost verged on worried. "Just as a precaution."

Sakura was about to respond, but at that moment Sasuke breezed past them, so close that the sleeve of his navy shirt whispered against her arm. Sakura immediately took a shaky step backwards to gain some distance, but the Uchiha wasn't looking at her and didn't seem to care. As he strode forward he performed a series of seals with both hands, then placed his right arm out, palm fisted as a black shifting mass unfurled from a white cloud of miasma. When the miasma cleared there was a giant hawk perched on his forearm, its curving talons wrapped all the way around his wrist.

The massive raptor was a meter long from head to tail; its feathers pitch black and eyes red. It clicked its beak and lunged threateningly at Sasuke's head, before flapping its wings and rearing back. The creature shrieked.

Without a word, Sasuke tossed the hawk into the air and the bird took flight, swooping low over the dead zone before banking upwards. It disappeared into the mists towards Ame. Hanabi leaned towards Sakura again, her voice low.

"That's Matsuba," she said, nodding in the direction of the bird. "You met her before?"

Sakura took another step backwards and shook her head, suddenly uneasy. She'd never liked Sasuke's summons, and she didn't want to know the name of this one. They were all vicious, lethal and ill-tempered to everyone except himself. Especially his snakes. Fuck his snakes.

"Don't go near her," Hanabi warned. "She used to be Madara's."

As if she needed another reminder of the war; as if Sasuke needed to seem any more _Uchiha_. Sakura felt queasy and it had nothing to do with running all day. Determined to get as far away from him as possible, and positive her presence wasn't needed, Sakura turned back.

As she did so Sasuke turned too, quickly striding towards them.

Sakura though he was going to pass by, so she stepped aside and avoided his gaze. Instead she felt his hand grip her arm, his hold firm and insistent. Sasuke was unnervingly tall up close, and next to him Sakura felt small and underwhelming. She barely came to his shoulder.

The Uchiha began pulling her away from Hanabi, his long fingers curling around her elbow as he steered clear of the LSF to a more secluded part of the bamboo grove. The spot was still in the open, but far enough away that it made it obvious they weren't to be disturbed.

"Sasuke, what—"

"Follow me."

He wasn't giving her much of a choice, which was just such a _Sasuke_ thing to do that Sakura wanted to scream. Things never changed between them. He led and she followed, whether she wanted it that way or not. When they stopped Sakura jerked her arm free with as much dignity as she could muster. Sasuke let her but stood far too close as he turned around to face her. His expression was blank, head canted and feet braced apart for balance. His inky hair fell across his forehead.

" **What**?" Sakura demanded, trying to rein in her paranoia. She was torn between wanting to punch him and curling up as tightly as possible in the hopes that he wouldn't notice her at all. Distance. All she wanted was distance from him. Had Naruto told him to keep an eye on her? Sasuke was being unusually insistent, and while he wouldn't seek her out on his own, Sakura knew if the Hokage had asked he would do so in a heartbeat. The Last Uchiha was nothing if not fiercely loyal to those he deemed important, and Naruto was the center of his world.

"You have arrhythmia?" he asked, to-the-point as ever. Sakura decided she wanted to punch Hanabi instead. Her hand absently rubbed at the spot above her heart, fingers kneading. Sasuke watched the action with the same intensity of the hawk he'd just set loose. Sakura quickly lowered her hand and clenched it against her thigh, waving the other in the air.

"It's nothing."

"Hanabi doesn't lie."

"I said I'm fine—" but already, Sasuke was reaching into the small satchel at his hip and pulling out a packet of what looked like pills, pushing several into her unclenched hand. The second she got a good look at them Sakura realized what they were. The pills were heavy duty: the kind you took to boost your entire system when you were seconds away from collapse. Meds like this were so strong you couldn't get them without a prescription from the Hospital Head, and Sakura had never signed off on giving Sasuke anything.

"Sasuke, these are S-Boosters! You shouldn't have them!" A sudden thought occurred to her, horrifying and unsurprising all at once. "Have you been stealing meds from my hospital?" she demanded.

His response was blunt. "No. Naruto has."

The immediate sense of betrayal that flooded her system was so strong it almost sent her reeling. Sakura felt tears prick at her eyes and fought to keep them back. The Hokage. Naruto was the Hokage, but it was **her** hospital, and he and Sasuke had been going behind her back, probably for years. She couldn't look at him. Sakura never wanted to speak to either of them again.

Shaking and unusually devastated, she tried to give the pills back.

"I can't… I can't take it."

"You can." His answer was firmer, his hands warm as he forcibly opened her fist. Sasuke carefully wrapped her thin fingers around the medication, covering them with his own before he pushed them towards her chest. He wouldn't let her drop it.

"I'm a medic—"

"Doesn't matter, take it."

"Sasuke!"

"Don't make a scene. The others are watching."

Furious and ashamed, Sakura swallowed, lips grimacing and hands braced against her hips as she shifted her weight from foot to foot and looked towards the ground. The shame stung, but the betrayal was worse. It was a small thing, really—nowhere near the most awful thing Sasuke had done to her, and she had zero expectations of him—but to do so with Naruto. Naruto **hurt**. Oh god did it ever. Sasuke remained close, barely a foot between them as he leaned into her space. His head curled towards hers, shoulders hunching, his black hair brushing against her hood. He looked off to the side as he spoke.

"Tomorrow I'm sending three of the LSF with you. Wait for them, understand? They'll act as escort."

"I don't need one."

"Tomorrow," he insisted, his hands braced on his own hips, sandals scuffing slightly across the dirt as he subtly shifted his stance. He was moving closer. Sakura could feel his breath rustling the strands of pink hair against her forehead.

"I want you to stop visiting my parents," she said.

The omission came out of nowhere. Instantly Sakura regretted it. There was dead silence: the heavy silence of history hanging in the six inches of space between them. The long grass rustled around their legs, a rumble of thunder ricocheting amongst the distant foothills. It was the first personal thing Sakura had said to him in years, and she was horrified that she'd done it.

Sasuke didn't respond, but she could feel his attention on her. His **full** attention, thick and inescapable. Sakura could count on one hand the number of times he'd shown any interest in her, but Sasuke's interest was singularly unforgettable in the fact that the pressure of it was nauseating. He made her hyper-conscious of everything around them in an instinctual flight or fight mode.

Slowly, Sakura picked up on the little things. She became aware of the way he braced his feet exactly shoulder width apart; how he wrapped his nin bandages from left to right around his narrow calves and ankles. The hands that were hooked around the rim of his belt were slightly chapped from constant fire jutsus, and he smelt like charcoal. Always the fire with him, all ash and ruin. He was too close for comfort, and Sakura was desperate to breathe.

"Never mind," she mumbled, putting a hand to her head and swaying where she stood. He still hadn't said anything. "Never mind, I don't know what I'm saying. Just forget it." She hoped he would.

Without looking up Sakura turned around and walked away. She could feel his eyes on her back the entire time, burning a hole between her shoulder blades.

Somewhere in the mists, Matsuba screamed.

* * *

 

Night fell quickly, and because the LSF were hidden behind several layers of genjutsu they could afford a few luxuries. One of them was an open fire pit over which to cook fresh food.

Suigetsu went scouting for a bit, and when he returned it was to tell them there was a fast-moving river southwest of their location. He was hauling several large fish with him. The former mist-nin had barely made it to the fire before he was pulling out a knife and gutting them there, slitting the trout along their bellies to remove the organs. Afterwards, he cut them into manageable pieces, skewering them on sticks to roast over the fire.

Sakura sat with him and the others, on account that Juugo was present. Even though Sasuke was there, she was desperate for some sort of familial comfort, and the former Taka member was the closest person she could find to a friend. Sasuke was withdrawn and irritable, his head bowed as he braided wire strings into a noose.

It wasn't cold out, but she still felt chilled. On another log the black-clad Aya sharpened the edge of her gunbai. A little ways off, the twins Sora and Shun were sleeping. Sasuke's giant raptor had returned, and Matsuba was now perched on the log beside him, ruffling her feathers and snapping her beak to get his attention. He reached over to scratch her behind her head. The Uchiha was traditional and big on family, and this played out in the way that he dressed; black nin pants that looked like they were a throwback to their grandparent's era, with a navy jinbaori tossed over a high collared, wide-sleeved shirt, both of them emblazoned proudly with the Uchiha crest. As he sat there braiding with single-minded determination, Matsuba shrieked at his lack of attention. In response Suigetsu picked up the tail end of one of the fish and tossed it her way. The raptor caught it in her talons and bent her head, ripping the tail in half to swallow it.

Sakura lost her appetite, although it hadn't been there before. She stood quickly, trying not to sway as she turned from the fire and fought against her flashbacks from the war. She had thought that she was over this—that they wouldn't come back. Quietly she grabbed her pack off the ground, intending walking deeper into the grove.

She hadn't taken more than three steps before Sasuke's deep baritone rolled over her.

"Don't go far," he said.

Sakura turned to look at him. He wasn't looking at her but was braiding the strands of wire with more viciousness than was necessary. Briefly, Sakura was struck with the urge to make a snide remark, but his hawk was ripping the fish to pieces and the sight was making her ill. Shouldering her pack and turning her head, Sakura drew her hood farther around her face and walked away from the fire. She wandered for several minutes, past the main encampment and most of the LSF. Her gaze darting from side to side, Sakura clenched her hands around her forearms as she tried to fight the urge to flee.

She couldn't relax, and away from the others her anxiety was even more acute. She wanted to circle the perimeter to check for tags and complete her ritual, but she couldn't do so without the others noticing, and then there would be questions. Lots of questions that she couldn't afford answering. Sakura tried to tell herself that everything was fine, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was in danger and it had little to do with Sasuke. There was something out, there, watching them. Her instincts were screaming it.

When she had walked as far as she could without Sasuke sending someone to find her, Sakura began pacing, stalking back and forth in circles as she rubbed at her chest to will away the ache. Sasuke. _Sasuke_. She'd thought she was able to handle him for a day or two, but it was so painful being near the Uchiha that her discomfort had veered into the physical. The itch was back, building beneath her skin. Sakura periodically scratched at her arms as she tried to calm herself down, but it didn't work. She didn't want to understand why the hawk had set her off, but she did. The war was full of unpleasant memories for her—hundreds upon hundreds of them—and she'd done her best to bury the past in the way that most shinobi did, by repressing her recollections in work and alcohol.

It was the bodies she remembered the best: the smell of the blood as it mixed with disinfectant. Sakura wasn't scared of blood—you couldn't be, if you were a medic—but during the war it had been the sheer number of corpses that had shaken her. The injured would arrive, one after another, and Sakura would see sixteen nins waiting in line and know she didn't have enough chakra to save them all. She hated triage.

"Sometimes people aren't good for each other." Tsunade had told her years ago, when Kakashi was still alive and Sasuke was definitely crazy. Her mentor had folded her hands in front of her, tired and sad and looking older than she had in years. "Don't feel pressured into anything you don't want to do, alright? **Especially** by Naruto, although I know he means well."

Sakura paced some more, gnawing on her bottom lip as she scratched compulsively at her arms. She was fine, just fine, she repeated to herself. Her nerves were shot, and she was missing the blissful numbing sensation she got from working double shifts, but she was all right. The heart palpitations were definitely a sign that she was not at her best, but the war was long gone and all that was left were her ghosts and Sasuke. That had to be it. She hadn't spent this much time with him in years, and just thinking about interacting with him made her a nervous wreck, in and outside Konoha.

There was the snap of a twig. Instantly Sakura looked up, crouching low and reaching for the kunai at her hip as she stared with rising paranoia into the gloom.

She wasn't able to see clearly in the dark like a Hyuga or someone like Sasuke, but she was just as good at sensing chakra at close range as any other nin. Sakura did so then, reaching out with her senses as she scuttled backwards, putting her blind spot to a tree. She could feel the rest of the LSF, a warm blur of intermingled chakras so thick that they could never be completely suppressed when they were in a group. All of them were behind her, and when Sakura reached deeper, she came across Sasuke's; currently dampened but hot as acid, roiling inside of him and angry. His chakra spiked when it brushed against hers, swelling before meandering outwards. It felt curious and almost needy. Sakura didn't have to be near him to know that she'd piqued his interest, and instantly she clamped down on her own chakra, hoping it wasn't too late.

In her front of her the bamboo trees stood like gray strips of paper in the inky blackness as they reached towards the moonless sky. It was akin to looking into a vast pit and seeing nothing, from which no light emerged, but Sakura had heard the snap. She **had** , and she couldn't shake the feeling there was something out there, watching them. She'd never been safe with Sasuke, but she felt more awake than she had in years. Maybe it was the adrenaline. Her arms stung. Sakura winced and looked down, then did a double take when she saw that she'd scratched at her left arm so hard the skin was raw. It wasn't bad, and the contusion would heal on its own in a day or two, but she didn't want anyone to ask any questions.

Shooting one last look at the darkened grove, Sakura ran her hand over her arm and healed it, leaving the skin smooth and unblemished. She re-shouldered her pack and walked back towards the camp.

Sakura didn't return to the main fire where Sasuke was, but she did mingle amongst the rest of the LSF for her own peace of mind, walking in between small groups of nins lounging about until she found a spot that was mostly deserted. It was far enough away that no one would bother her, but close enough so as not to arouse suspicions. Briefly, Sakura contemplated speaking with Hanabi in order to clear up the woman's misconceptions about the heart palpitations, but decided against it. The Hyuga was too close to Naruto, and any additional talk on the subject would make her think there actually **was** something wrong. If she did she would mention it to the Hokage, and if not him, then definitely Sasuke. The bonds of the LSF ran tight.

Sakura supposed that the bonds of Team Seven ran deep as well, as Naruto and Sasuke were brothers in all but blood. Still, she didn't feel it. The familial ties of a team skipped over a member every now and then, she knew; it was rare, but over the years out of all the squads, Sakura was the only one who hadn't meshed. She missed Tsunade, though, and she missed Kakashi. She missed her parents.

Sakura sunk down with her back to a bamboo tree, wincing at the way her joints creaked as she sat cross-legged on the ground. Fingers numb with the cold, she reached into her satchel and pulled out her blanket along with some soldier pills, popping one out and downing it with a swig of water. Afterwards, Sakura wrapped her blanket around her shoulders and settled down. She felt sluggish and tired, and no matter what she did she couldn't get warm. Quickly she did a self-diagnosis, turning her chakra inwards, but felt nothing amiss. She wasn't as in good shape as she should've been, and she was definitely a bit on the thin side, but otherwise she came out clear. Still Sakura decided that once she reached her destination she'd set up shop and complete a more thorough check-up. It was good to be away from Konoha, but it didn't hurt to be too careful. If she was sick they'd send her back early, and Sakura didn't think she could handle that.

There was another snap of a twig, but this time it was purposeful. When Sakura looked up, Susumu was standing there. He was all white and red and eerily pale, like some sort of tattooed ghost. The yellow-eyed nin was holding something out for her, offering it silently. Sakura squinted at it, then realized the object in hand was an extra blanket. She looked up in question. She couldn't see his expression from where she was sitting, but when he spoke his tone was soothing. He seemed to be a very calming person in general.

"You get cold, don't you?" he demurred. When Sakura frowned, huddling up further beneath her own blanket and saying nothing, he clarified. "You were shivering."

"You're awfully observant," Sakura quipped. She knew he was just being kind, but she didn't want others watching her, and the fact that he had been made her paranoia surge.

Susumu shrugged. "No more than anyone else," he said, then added, "It's just a blanket. I have another."

Sakura cautiously reached out and took the blanket from his proffered hand.

The fabric was relatively thin, but better than nothing. When she wrapped it around her shoulders she felt better, although her hands were beginning to shake. Susumu continued standing in front of her, looking down as his baby fine hair wafted around his face.

"May I sit with you?" he asked. He was oddly formal in a rusty sort of way, as if he'd been trained to do so and then dropped the habit. Not wanting to cause a scene, Sakura shrugged as he sat beside her; close, but still a respectful distance apart. His red tattoos and nails looked blue in the darkness, and when he pulled out a nutrition bar and started eating, Sakura quickly looked away. They for several minutes in companionable silence. Sakura was too tired to talk, and Susumu seemed perfectly content with the lull. He ate daintily, clean and without crumbs despite the inch-long claws that could slice open a jugular. Everything about him—from his appearance to the way that he moved—reeked of aristocracy, but was obviously suffering from disuse. He'd probably been removed from clan life for a long time.

"Do you like Konoha?" Sakura asked. Susumu shrugged, finishing off the last bit of his food.

"It's fine," he said, his tone neutral. He had an odd voice—neither high nor low—and it was so soothing that Sakura found herself automatically relaxing by listening to him. Susumu looked down at himself, then gestured briefly to his face, seemingly oddly unsure as he spoke. "There are not many nins that look…" He seemed to struggle for a moment, so Sakura helped him along.

"Not a lot of nins with visible bloodlines?"

He nodded and folded up his used paper package with delicate movements, carefully creasing the paper as if holding a sheet of origami. He pressed it flat with the pad of his thumb. "Yes. Everything's on the inside in Konoha. Shimo was different."

"How long have you been with the LSF?"

"Since the beginning."

Sakura settled further into her blankets, leaning her head against the tree. Susumu stayed where he was, sitting cross-legged, his back slightly hunched as he looked in the direction of the fire pit. His feathery blond hair was sticking in blond tufts to his neck. The appendage was slender, and Sakura could see the bumps of his spine.

"Do you like it?" she asked.

Susumu nodded. "Uchiha-san takes care of us. He is a good platoon leader."

Sakura's insides twisted. She didn't want to talk about Sasuke, but she supposed it was a given when she was sitting with one of his subordinates. "What's your bloodline limit?" she asked on a whim. Susumu shrugged, white and red and terribly pretty. His features were more delicate than Sasuke's. A couple years back, Sakura would have never thought it possible.

"I'm a bone-eater," he said. Just as she was about to what a _bone-eater_ was, he added, "it's a short range defensive bloodline. If someone gets past it I use taijutsu, but they usually don't."

"I'm the same," Sakura said. He looked up, eyes wide in surprise, and she amended, "sort of, I mean. For the close range part."

Susumu's smile turned soft in the darkness, but Sakura could still see it. "I know," he said. Sakura frowned, tightening her blanket around her.

"You do?"

A rustling sound arose between them. Sakura looked down to see his hand outstretched once more, offering her an unopened nutrition bar. Her stomach clenched as she glanced up in question. Susumu stared back, blinking his yellow eyes. "You have problems eating, right? I saw, at the shop. This shouldn't be too bad." His words were utterly free of judgement, but Sakura still felt the stirrings of panic. She shook her head, grimacing at the offer as she put her hand atop his and gently pushed it away. His skin was unnaturally smooth beneath hers, and once again Sakura found herself wondering how he'd managed to keep his hands callus-free in their profession.

"I'm not hungry," she said, trying not to think of the worms. "I just had a soldier pill." Suddenly fearing she'd upset him, she added a quick "but thank you anyways" to the end of it.

"It's fine," he murmured.

The crinkling sound of paper resumed, and Sakura blinked when Susumu placed the nutrition bar atop her lap. Before she could comment he had withdrawn his hand, burying it along with the other inside his wide sleeves as he looked towards the dirt. "For later," he clarified softly. "In case you change your mind."

Sakura's chest ached. She thought of Kakashi in that moment; of how kind he'd been to her before the end. She thought of Susumu's sister, a transplant in a foreign village, at home and all alone with her big brother away. Swallowing thickly she eyed the nutrition bar, she picked it up and pinched the ends between her forefingers and thumbs as she turned it over. Maybe she'd be able to take a bite if she didn't think about it too much. For him.

"You're too nice, Susumu," she managed to say without sounding too choked up. "Why are you even with the LSF?" Susumu shrugged, reaching up to run a hand through his hair at the base of his neck. The strands stuck to his slim fingers with static, fluffing upwards like feather down. Even in the dark it looked cotton-like.

"Uchiha-san says I am suited for it."

Sakura frowned at the mention of Sasuke and sniffed at the bar, bringing it close to her face.

"He would," she groused. "He likes nins that don't need weapons. Your Kekkei Genkai must really be something." Frowning further, she brought the nutrition bar within an inch of her nose, then let out a sound of shock. "Ah! How do you even handle these things without cutting them open? Your nails are so sharp."

Susumu's hands curled self-consciously in his sleeves, hiding beneath the cuffs. All of a sudden Sakura felt terrible.

"I am used to it," he offered, sounding unsure of himself. "I was born with them. They grow longer with age."

"That's really cool," Sakura said, increasingly desperate to make up for her insensitive comment, but she was sure he could tell it was forced. Still. "How… how long will they get?"

Susumu shrugged, hiding his hands further inside his sleeves. He didn't look at her. "I'm not sure. My brother's were nearly four inches."

"Really?" said Sakura, honestly impressed. The surprise fell away almost immediately to be replaced by a frown. "But I thought you had a sister."

"I do," he agreed, looking in her direction. Sakura couldn't read his expression and his voice was flat. "There used to be three of us. Aniki died during the war."

"Oh." Sakura felt even worse than before. Here Susumu was, being genuinely friendly, and all she had done was bring up terrible memories and make awful comments about his appearance. She hated herself fiercely in that moment.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, putting a hand to her mouth as she tried not to choke on her words.

"Don't be." Susumu's voice was slightly hushed, his eyes luminescent in the dark. "It's not your fault." Sakura got the sense that he was talking about something else, but didn't press it.

The LSF nin seemed to come to the conclusion that he'd overstayed his welcome. Susumu stood gracefully, a tuft of hair sticking comically straight up atop his crown. Sakura felt the lightest of touches to her shoulder as he placed his hand there, squeezing gently. "It's okay if you can't eat it," he said. Sakura nodded and he leaned back. As he turned to leave she finally regained her voice.

"Wait!" she blurted out.

He stopped. Sakura removed one of her hands from the folds of her blanket, beckoning him forward. He seemed perplexed, but followed her unspoken command. When Sakura kept urging him forward, he cocked his head in confusion.

"Bend down so I can reach," she said. Although his confusion was evident he did as she asked. Once he was at eye level Sakura reached up, gently patting down the wayward tuft of his hair. It was outrageously soft, and the immediate thought that crossed her mind was not one of propriety, but _good god Ino would be jealous._

"Your hair," she mumbled thickly, patting down another blond cow lick. "It was sticking up."

"Aa," he said, soundly oddly hoarse. Susumu stayed very still under her touch, eyes wide and yellow in the dark.

"Keep it covered when you're on stealth missions, alright?" Sakura said, overcome with worry even as she withdrew her hand. "It makes you a target." When she went back to Konoha she would visit his sister, she decided. To keep her company.

"I promise, Sakura-san." Susumu said, completely earnest. She sniffled a bit, rubbing at her nose with her free hand.

"Just Sakura," she said. "Only Sakura."

He nodded once, warmth infusing his voice. "Sakura," he agreed, then stood and departed without another word.

Sakura didn't mind that he left abruptly. She sort liked how ethereal he was, and it was a breath of fresh air next to Sasuke's suffocating presence. Once he was gone she shoved the nutrition bar into the bottom of her bag and resolved to forget about it. She wouldn't waste the food, but one of her "escorts" could surely use it the next morning. Bringing her knees to her chest, she stared out into the darkness as she tried to blank her mind. She wasn't going to be sleeping, and without work to occupy herself with she would be in for a long night. As she was sitting there, a soft rustling sound echoed through the long grass. It was an animal of sorts, Sakura surmised, but it seemed to be small, so she ignored it.

As it drew nearer she saw it for what it was; a small white snake with coal black eyes, flicking its tongue as it sensed its way towards her. Sakura's mood soured.

"Not now, Sasuke," she said, curling in on herself. "I'm tired."

The snake didn't go away, slithering closer at a languid pace. Sakura tried to ignore it, because she was sick of Sasuke and sick of his snakes, but when the creature crawled up the bamboo tree and across her shoulders, moving inwards so its tongue flicked at the edge of her hood, she snapped. Sakura reached up, grabbing the snake behind its jaw so it wouldn't bite her. She removed it from her shoulders, aiming to dump it on the ground. The snake wrapped its tail around her arm as she did so, so Sakura ended up peeling it off her with a stick.

"Sasuke, keep you snakes off me, or I'll kill them." She knew he could hear her.

In response the snake curled inwards, hissing angrily and fangs bared, but it didn't leave. Sakura fought the urge to go back on her word and behead it with a kunai. It was always the snakes with him: the snakes and the goddamn hawks. The entire arrangement was morbidly anachronistic, as one was prone to eating the other. As she looked away from the serpent into the gloom, the bamboo forest seemed to expand, the slender stalks appearing endless. Sakura could hear was the distant crackle of firewood from inside the camp, along with the occasional sound of a kunai being sharpened or a pair of nins talking quietly to one another. Otherwise it was silent.

Sakura didn't know when the snake left, or even if it did. One moment she was staring into the night, feeling unusually sluggish, and the next she was being shaken roughly awake. Soft morning light was filtering lazily through the bamboo grove. A cloying mist was clinging to the ground.

"–kura," someone was saying. It took Sakura several horrifying seconds to realize that she was waking up. Hanabi was shaking her shoulder, crouching beside her and expression tight with concern.

"Sakura. Are you alright?"

Then the reality of the situation sunk in, followed by panic. She'd fallen asleep. She'd drifted off without meaning to, and she hadn't done _the_ _Check_. She could have been killed. She could have been knocked out and an enemy might have walked right past her and killed someone else.

_Oh gods._

Sakura let out a gasp and flailed forward, instinctively lashing out as she tried to free herself from her blankets. Hanabi grabbed her hand to steady her, her other braced against her back to keep her from falling. Sakura continued to gasp, over and over again, head spinning as she fought the instinct to whip out a kunai.

"How long was I out?" she demanded in between breaths. Hanabi's frown deepened but she answered anyways, albeit with trepidation. "I don't know," she admitted. "But we have to assemble. Now." The dread grew. Sakura remembered the gloom, the pit of blackness that had trickled out from between the trees. _Something was watching them._

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Hanabi grimaced and pulled back. "I don't know. But one of our sensors disappeared during the night—Yuuto. We can't find him."


	4. It Comes in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Revised April 3, 2018

Yuuto was gone. The LSF nin was missing, and nobody—not even Sasuke—knew where to find him.

Although the platoon wasn't in chaos, there was an undercurrent of confusion that ran through the air as they assembled by the tree line to await their orders. The LSF had been around for six years, and two-hundred skirmishes and three major battles later, they had yet to lose a single nin. The worst injury they'd ever received was the amputation of someone's hand three years back, and there was no desertion. Sasuke's platoon was fanatically loyal, and the Uchiha himself was utterly obsessed with the Hokage.

Foul play was suspected. Yuuto hadn't been on perimeter watch, but someone had definitely grabbed him during the night. No one had sensed anything, either, nor heard a sound. As Sakura sped towards the tree line with the others, she remembered the blackness—the all-consuming void of nothing, the snap of a twig—and felt fear.

At the edge of grove Sasuke and the other offensive nins were already in formation, standing still and hiding in the dappled shadows of the slender bamboo stalks. The Last Uchiha was crouched on top of a large mossy rock, both eyes activated and Kusanagi drawn. He tipped his head to the side like a bird's, staring across the dead zone and sharingan pin wheeling. His free hand was draped deceptively loose across his knee. Around the the boulder twined one of Sasuke's summons; a massive albino snake thirty feet long with a pitted head like a viper's. As it coiled around the rock it rumbled words to him in a language only the Uchiha seemed to understand.

"Orochimaru was the same way," Juugo had told her years ago, when she'd found Sasuke sitting on the ground speaking to one of his snakes. "They only listened to him, too."

Beside Sasuke was Aya, and beside her the aforementioned Juugo. Suigetsu was standing nearby with his sword drawn, his hands wrapped around the hilt and chin resting on the pommel as he stared lazily in the same direction.

They were all eying some point across the field in the indefinable distance, but when Sakura followed their gaze, she saw nothing there. There was no sound, just the occasional chirp of a cricket and the rumbling hiss of Sasuke's snake. The thick mists clung to the field as the sun began to rise over the bamboo grove behind them, making it difficult to see because of the glare. It was the perfect set up for an ambush, but no one in their right mind would ever attack the LSF.

Except, Yuuto was missing.

"There's something out there," Sasuke said, his head still tilted and voice unnervingly languid. He almost sounded like he was in a trance. The Uchiha was at his most dangerous when he looked like didn't care, because it meant that he **didn't** , and would probably cut down anything that got in his way. He straightened to his full height, re-palming Kusanagi as he did so. At his feet, the massive serpent hissed something intelligible. "I can't see it," Sasuke continued. "But there's a void. No chakra of any sort, directly ahead."

There was a pause among the assembled nins, then the calm, quiet command of "Hanabi."

The young woman strode forward, activating her byakugan. "Anything?" Sasuke queried, still sounding far too dull. Sakura hung back, nervously palming her kunai. Beside her she felt someone move close, and when she looked to the side she saw Susumu, three pupils visible in either eye and nails tapping soundlessly against his palms.

Up ahead, Hanabi grimaced and shook her head. "Nothing."

Sasuke straightened. His expression took on a hard glint, his eyebrows furrowing as he gripped his sword hilt. A non-verbal command seemed to pass between him and his summon. The giant snake let out a reverberating roar and shot out into the grass, the long reeds rustling around it as the creature carved a path through the field.

"Squads A and C, up front. Flush them out," Sasuke commanded. "Squads B and E, cover the flanks. Squad D, guard the rear. Suigetsu—"

"Yeah Cap'n?"

"Scout ahead. Try to find the body, if there is one. Hanabi, with Sakura."

Without a word Suigetsu melted into the ground and was gone in a ripple of water. Sasuke jumped off the rock, reaching over to grab Sakura's elbow and pulling her aside to talk. As they stood still the LSF rushed forward around them en mass, streaking across the grassy lea. They moved so quickly they were nothing but blurs. Sakura's hair whipped forward with the wind as they darted into the dead zone.

"How much chakra do you have?" Sasuke murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. Sakura reached up subconsciously, touching the seal on her brow.

"Enough," she said. Sasuke turned his head so he could look her straight in the eye. For a moment all Sakura saw was the pinwheel of the eternal mangekyō. He was standing close enough she could make out his individual eyelashes, thick and dark as his hair.

"Think you can use it?" he asked. Sakura frowned but gave him a tight, professional nod.

"Of course."

Even as she spoke Sasuke was reaching into the folds of his jinbaori and returning her sealed supplies. He rudely shoved them into her satchel himself before quickly reaching for her hand. Sakura felt him push his packet of pills into her palm, his fingers curling around hers and covering them to make her clasp the boosters tighter.

"Just in case," he bit out, before letting go. "If things go south, take Squad D and head to the village. Warn Naruto."

Something was wrong. Sakura desperately wanted to ask _what_ , but didn't. They were professionals, and she knew that questioning the squad leader during combat could get someone killed. She clenched her jaw and nodded but decided she still had to tell him.

"Last night, I saw something," she admitted.

" **What**?" His tone was sharp.

"In the grove. I think there was something watching us past the tree line." Sasuke's hand re-gripped hers, fingers clenching hard enough to bruise and potentially crush the pills beneath.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Sakura told him the truth. She couldn't afford to make any more mistakes. "I thought I was imagining it," she said.

Sasuke frowned for a brief moment, then darted away. Sakura didn't wait up. She immediately fell back and palmed her kunai, reaching up to pull her hair out of her face and shuck off her coat. She'd either be healing or hurting someone within the next couple minutes, and no matter what happened the extra fabric would get in the way.

Beside her Hanabi ducked down, her byakugan still active as she signaled with her hands that the squad should move back. The rest of them complied without a word. With them was a sensor Sakura didn't know the name of, along with a kunoichi that had flaming red hair pulled away from her forehead and puffed out in the back. Also there was another Hyuga, and Susumu. The blond-haired nin was silent as they melted into the bamboo grove, easily noticeably amongst the verdant green with his pale coloring, but seemingly unconcerned by this fact. When they had drawn back about thirty yards from the dead zone—deep enough that they were hidden from prying eyes, but still possessing a good view of the area—he stopped and turned, looking back the way they came. Bracing his sandal-clad feet shoulder-width apart, Susumu raised his hands in what was unmistakably the first move in a series of seals.

Sakura stopped as well and turned towards him, intending to hunker down, but Hanabi tugged on her arm and shook her head, gesturing with a nod of her chin further into the trees.

"Not here," she said, mouthing the words. "Can't stay. Bone-eater."

Sakura frowned at the term. She still wasn't sure exactly what Susumu's bloodline limit was, except that it seemed to be dangerous. Despite this, she followed Hanabi without complaint. Mimicking the Hyuga's example, Sakura swung herself up into the foliage, clinging to the smooth stalks of bamboo with chakra. Hanabi placed herself perpendicular to the trees on another trunk beside her. Hanging as they were in the treetops, a good twenty feet off the ground and an additional ten yards back, they had a decent view of the surrounding area. Susumu was still on the forest floor, and thirty yards ahead of him was the tree line, where the bamboo grove met the field. Behind them the red-haired kunoichi executed a series of hand seals. Three shadow clones burst forth from smoke clouds to cling to nearby trees, before darting off in various directions. Then they waited.

And waited, and **waited** , and still there was nothing.

There was no distant clash of kunai, nor the sudden spike of chakra from bloodlines releasing that one would expect in a battle. The early morning mists hung heavy across the field, the rising sun glancing off the wet grass to make it shimmer with dew. Sakura could hear the occasional chirp of a cricket and the painful thudding of her heart, but everything else was silent.

Hanabi's byakugan were still activated, her breath quick. Behind them the red-haired kunoichi waited in silence, and to their left the other Hyuga. The sensor was even farther back.

"I can't see anything," Hanabi said suddenly, her words sowed with confusion. Beneath her tone there was the slightest trace of fear. Sakura swallowed nervously.

"What do you mean?" she whispered.

"I can't **see** ," Hanabi insisted. The fear was definitely audible this time. Behind them the red-haired kunoichi shifted her weight, clambering up higher. "They're all gone. Nothing's there."

At that moment they heard a low moan. It came from the trees behind them.

The moan was human and not at the same time, low and warbling and almost guttural. If Sakura had to pin the sound on anything, she would have said it was like the deep, reedy noise a person made when their lungs were punctured. As she strained her ears to listen the moan sounded again. It was louder this time, and directly behind them. There was no chakra there, but someone was moving closer. Hanabi turned towards the source. Her byakugan were straining, but the more she stared the more her panic seemed to unfurl.

"I can't see it," she repeated. Her voice wavered as it rose in volume. The two of them heard a third moan. "I'm blind," Hanabi said, gripping at the tree trunk with visible shock. "Sakura, I'm blind. I can't **see**. Something's blocking me—"

There was a fourth moan—much louder this time—and from the thicket of trees came a loud _crack_ as trunks were broken and whole shafts of bamboo began falling forwards. Sakura gripped her own tree, sweat dotting her brow as she strained her senses, but she was just as blind as Hanabi. In front of them all she could feel was a void. A pit of nothingness.

"Fall back," she hissed at Hanabi, who seemed out of it with shock. "We need to fall back—"

There was a scream: a loud one and very human, from somewhere not far away in the trees. It was the sensor. Hanabi flinched against the trunk and went to surge forward. "Tomomi!" she breathed, but as she did so the red-haired kunoichi behind them let out a panicked shout. The chakra that was holding her to the tree flickered visibly before shutting off.

A second later the nin was falling head first towards the ground.

Sakura tried to dart towards her to stop the fall, but in that moment Hanabi let out a gasp. Then her byakugan was deactivating and she was sliding down the bamboo trunk too. The Hyuga madly scrabbled against the bark to keep herself from falling. Sakura leaned over, grabbing her hand, but her chakra died and she was sliding as well.

The red-haired kunoichi hit the ground hard, her neck breaking with a sharp _snap_. She lay still.

"It's gone!" Hanabi wailed, clinging desperately to the tree even as she fell. "It's gone, it's gone, I can't see anything!"

"Get down!" Sakura yelled, holding onto Hanabi's hand even as her other one tore open against the bark as she tried to stop their descent. She was back in the war, where panic was her fuel and there was no time to think. _Never any time to think, never, never, never—_

There were multiple moans from the trees, intermingled with the _snap_ of bamboo trunks breaking. There was still no sign of the LSF. The other Hyuga was sliding down the bamboo with them, and they had no chakra. _Oh gods, where is my chakra? Where is everybody?_ On the ground Susumu turned towards the disturbance, his movements slow and eyelids heavy as if in a trance. His chakra was still working, and whatever was in the trees was moving towards him, veering off course to meet him head on. He didn't move.

_No,_ Sakura thought, instantaneous and blinding. _No, no, no, not another one, not another brother._

"Susumu!" Sakura shouted, trying to get his attention, but he didn't answer. He didn't seem to realize she was there.

Sakura was still ten feet from the ground but she jumped anyways, leaving Hanabi to slide down the rest of the tree by herself. She hit the ground hard, barely remembering to roll as she did. Without the aid of her chakra the impact was jarring, her legs wobbling and feet in agony as she surged upwards and rushed towards Susumu. He was still staring towards whatever was dragging itself through the trees, re-bracing his feet as he began to go through a series of seals. The thing was picking up speed, and Sakura had an awful feeling in her gut that he wouldn't make it. She wasn't going to let him die. She couldn't. He had a little sister.

"Susumu!" she said, rushing towards him.

"Sakura, no!" Hanabi cried, landing hard on the ground. "No! Don't touch him! He's a bone-eater!"

As Susumu finished what looked like the last seal of the set, Sakura slammed into him. The two of them went flying backwards, and as Sakura wrapped her arms around him and collided with his chest she felt the burn of acid along her skin. Beneath his feet where he'd been standing, a sheet of white akin to ice shot outwards across the forest floor. Hanabi frantically rolled out of the way to avoid it.

They landed on the ground in a tangle of limbs, uncoordinated and shaking due to a lack of chakra. Susumu was dazed, blond hair falling across his eyes as he groggily looked around himself and struggled to sit up, trying to push her away.

The burning. Oh gods, the burning. Sakura's arms felt like they were on fire, and she cried out. To their left there was another ear-piercing scream that was abruptly cut off as the other Hyuga went under. Another bamboo tree cracked and fell down with a groan.

Then Hanabi was there, her hand on Sakura's collar as she yanked her away from Susumu.

"Get up!" she gasped. "Get up, get up, get up, we gotta go—"

Susumu let an angry hiss, his efforts to stand taking on a frantic motion. The earth beneath them shook. Then they were **all** trying to get up and get away as the ground began to bubble and boil. Reeling from vertigo, horribly confused as to what was happening, Sakura ran with the others towards the open field. They broke through the tree line, scattering like rabbits. Sakura tried to remember the proper formation to follow when in full-out retreat, but without her chakra her senses felt thick as cotton, and it was almost impossible to remember anything except the terror.

It was a blindfold: a vice that covered the whole body, dulling her reactions and making her panic. She had a gaping hole in her chest where her chakra used to be, and the agony of not having it—of missing something so crucial to her existence—was utterly devastating. It wasn't chakra exhaustion, but the complete absence of it, like walking while dead and still being cognizant of the fact. Running pell-mell across the field was pointless if you didn't know what else was out there, but the rest of the LSF were missing. Sasuke. _Sasuke_. Sasuke hadn't come back. He was gone, gone, gone like the rest of her chakra, and _Naruto,_ Sakura thought miserably. _Naruto will be devastated._

They continued running, traveling south through the dead zone along the edge of the mists. The grass rustled loudly against their legs as they ran, their breathing harsh in the relative silence. Hanabi was ahead and running with ease, but her skin was stark white with terror. Susumu brought up the rear, back hunched as he stayed close to the ground. Sakura wasn't doing so well. She'd been feeling off before, and without the aid of her chakra she was nearly dead on her feet. There were acid burns up and down her arms from where she'd touched Susumu, the skin red and weeping.

_My arms,_ she thought numbly, and in the back of her brain the logical part of her mind told Sakura that she was probably going into shock. _My arms are going to melt off. How can I heal people without my arms?_

Behind them came a crash, followed by the tortured, woody crackle of more trees falling. When they were far enough away Hanabi made an abrupt turn south, seemingly to head back to Konoha. Susumu followed easily. Sakura tripped and fell to the ground, skidding hard. Braking on his heels and swinging his arms wildly to maintain his balance, Susumu scrambled sideways to grab her hand and drag her upright without looking back.

"Come on, Sakura," he said, practically dragging her forward. He was gripping her hand so hard his nails were slicing into her skin. The acid was still burning her arms. The top layer of skin was gone and her blood was everywhere, running down her appendage and mingling in a red sticky mess between their interlocking fingers. It hurt so much. "Come on. You can do it. You **can**."

Sakura tried to hang on.

"The others!" she gasped, tripping again only to be pulled to her feet. "The LSF—Sasuke—we have to go back!"

No nin in their right mind would, and if a squad was decimated it was of utmost importance that at least one of them made it back to the village. But in that moment all Sakura could think about was the bodies and Sasuke missing. She couldn't bear to disappoint Naruto or anyone else ever again, like she had with Tsunade or Kakashi shortly thereafter. There were so few of them left, and she was a medic.

A sonic _boom_ issued from somewhere in the mists, followed by the tell-tale roar of a firestorm. An inhuman groan echoed through the clearing as black flames exploded outwards in all directions, mingling with the overwhelming screech of birds.

Suddenly Sasuke was there, standing right beside them.

He appeared like a black smudge on the landscape, blurring out of nothing and breathing hard. His eyes were bleeding rivers, his shirt torn open and Kusanagi red with fluid all the way to the hilt. Behind him Susanoo rose above the mists, giant and terrifying as it unfurled to its full height and attacked something still out of view. An eerie, earth-shattering keen like the call of a whale was the response. The ground trembled and shook. A metallic _boom_ followed, and on the other side of the dead zone in the bamboo grove, the trees began caving inwards en mass. A scream came from the opposite direction to mimic the first.

"MOVE!" Sasuke bellowed. Then they were running faster than before and Sasuke was darting ahead of them. They scattered farther down the dead zone, away from Konoha and towards Ame's borders. The ground bubbled and broke apart beneath their feet. Susanoo was still behind them. In a moment of utter panic, Sakura's brain began to crumble, because all could think about was the fact that Sasuke shouldn't have been able to do that. It was going to kill him, and Naruto was going to be so upset, and _oh gods where are the others where are the others, why are we running it's the war Sasukeisgoingtokillhimself—_

Behind them the bamboo grove finished caving inwards, the slender trunks falling down one after another in slow succession. The ground beneath them turned to mud. There was black fire burning across the horizon, the flames of Amaterasu seeming to spread unchecked.

"MOVE!" Sasuke repeated, his eyes still spinning as he darted towards the river. The rest of them followed as quickly as they could. Hanabi was in front, and Sakura and Susumu still took up the rear. The way to Konoha was completely blocked, and their mad scramble was made all the more frantic by the fact that their chakra had dissipated. The only one who seemed to have anything left at all was Sasuke, and even that he used sparingly.

Another sonic _boom_ issued, followed by a shriek. The ground beneath them vibrated. A second later there was the unmistakable _shing_ of wire ripping through the field as it violently snapped loose from its tether. The whole lot of them ducked, but barely, and as they did Sakura felt something massive whip by just over their heads, displacing air and flattening grass. The second it passed they kept running. Sakura didn't know how much more she could take without her chakra to aid her. As they made another sharp turn towards the river she lost hold of Susumu's hand, her bloody fingers sliding from his.

Without pause Sasuke darted back and grabbed her by the back of her shirt, violently hauling her upwards and screaming at her to move. Once she was running again he darted off, streaking back into the mists.

"Don't look," Hanabi was chanting to herself as Sakura caught up to her, face white as a sheet and a kunai clutched tight in her hand. "Don't look, don't look, don't look—"

"Cap'n!" someone yelled. Suigetsu ran out of the mists towards them, holding his body low to the ground. Sasuke quickly re-emerged, darting diagonally across their path and tossing the former mist-nin a scroll. Suigetsu caught it in one hand and held it between his teeth, falling back and sinking into the shadows.

Behind them there was a _kok_. Susanoo buckled, then imploded.

Sasuke fell, tumbling across the ground as he hit the earth full tilt. He barely managed to get back to his feet. To their right where Suigetsu had disappeared there was a crackling sound, then a giant fireball as another explosion went off. Sakura heard the shrill, whale-like call of whatever was chasing them, then a deep rumbling that shook the ground as the thing began to move in Suigetsu's direction. Sakura didn't look back.

_Don't look,_ she chanted inside her head as she took up Hanabi's mantra. _Don't look, don't look, don't look._

Suigetsu's fast-moving river was up ahead of them; one of many nameless streams that flowed into Ame, wide and plagued by rapids. Sasuke surged forward and jumped into the water. The rest of them followed without thought.

The plunge took Sakura's breath away. It was cold. Colder than she'd been expecting, and without her chakra the shock to her system was too much. She felt her heart clench, the pain akin to a muscle spasm, her senses failing as she nearly struck her head on a river rock and gasped for air beneath the surface. All she got was water. Water and more water. She couldn't breathe and her panic was acute.

A hand grasped her collar, yanking her up. When Sakura emerged on the surface, gasping and choking, she caught a flash of red and white beside her, then registered the hurried weight of Susumu's hand pressing against her back. He spread his fingers between her shoulder blades, pushing her forward. Sakura knew what the action meant and didn't hesitate.

She flattened her body to the water and used the momentum of the push to guide her, following the force of the stream.

* * *

 

"Do you have enough chakra?"

"I don't, I'm not sure—"

" **Do you have enough chakra**?" Sasuke's voice had a frantic edge to it as he crouched in front of her, eyes still spinning and cheeks covered in gore. He was visibly unraveling, staring at her in an unfocused way like he couldn't see. This was confirmed when he blindly reached out, pale fingers clumsily grasping for the collar of her shirt to hold himself steady.

Sakura sat there on the riverbank next to the fast moving rapids, soaked to the bone and shaking from shock. Her arms were stretched out in front of her, the insides facing up, teeth chattering as she looked at the blistering skin. The blood had been washed away, leaving behind raw flesh that was akin to uncooked ham. Beside her on the riverbank Hanabi was keeled over, her hand to her forehead as she rocked herself back and forth. The young woman was not taking the loss of her bloodline well at all.

"I don't know, maybe," Sakura amended through her chattering teeth. Behind them farther down the river, there was another whale-like scream. They tensed, and in unison they turned to look back the way they came, waiting on a hairpin trigger to flee if anything came down the river behind them. "The chakra, it might come back."

Sasuke turned towards her again. "What about your seal?"

"H-huh?"

His hands were on her collar, slim fingers curling around it as he shook her slightly for emphasis. Sasuke stared blindly in the direction of her face.

"Your seal. The one on your forehead. Does it have **chakra**?"

"Oh," said Sakura, swallowing hard and closing her eyes as she willed herself to be calm. The terror was encompassing and acute. "Um, I think so. Y-yeah. Yeah, maybe. A bit." She needed to be calm, but it was the war again, and she didn't have enough chakra to mend the bodies.

_Where is the rest of the squad, where are they, there are so few left—_

There was Hanabi and Suigetsu. Susumu and Aya. The twins Sora and Shun, along with Sasuke and Juugo. Juugo was missing his entire arm from the shoulder down. The rest of them—only six more in total—were LSF members Sakura didn't know the names of.

"Unseal it," Sasuke commanded. There was no room for argument. "Fix yourself, then we move."

"But the others. Juugo's arm—"

"We're **leaving** ," he insisted. Then Sasuke was standing jerkily, fists clenched and entire body tensed like a startled cat's. "We can't stay."

"Sasuke."

"We'll need you to fix us later. Suigetsu, bandage Juugo's arm while she heals hers."

Suigetsu spat and ran a trembling hand through his messy, mud-matted hair. "Shit." His words were a choked, miserable warble.

It was true. Sakura knew she shouldn't have been arguing, but she still couldn't help it. The situation was an absolute disaster. There had been forty LSF in the platoon at the time of the assault, and now there were fifteen; the rest were missing but presumed dead. They'd been resting on the riverbank for a good ten minutes, hiding from whatever was hunting them while they waited to see if the other nins showed up, but there had been none.

Sasuke had some chakra left, but his bloodline was fluctuating rapidly. Susumu's skin had turned completely white and crystalline as he crouched on a river rock. Aya was leaning on her gunbai, breathing hard. She had some chakra too, but everyone else was down for the count. The other LSF had gotten too close to whatever had attacked them. Too close, and _oh fuck it was the darkness, the darkness was watching us._

Tremulously, Sakura undid the seal on her forehead. There was a spike of chakra that flooded her system, warm and desperate as she quickly healed her own arms. The acid burns were deep and they would probably scar, but the wounds were still manageable. There wasn't enough chakra left for the others. The void had drained her seal, too. Sakura didn't look at Susumu as she fixed them.

"Fuck," Suigetsu swore as he finished tying a bandage around Juugo's stump to try and stop the bleeding with a tourniquet. "Fuck." Then he was shoving himself away and tossing the bandages to the dirt, threading his fingers through his hair as paced raggedly back and forth. His back was all torn up, his shirt nearly gone and flesh ripped open like it had gone through a meat grinder. If Sakura didn't fix it soon he would bleed out, but Juugo was bleeding even faster, and _oh god Sasuke's going to go blind._

Triage, Sakura reminded herself. _Just like the war._

"Fuck!" Suigetsu said a third time, his teeth chattering with shock. Then he was rounding on Sasuke just as another LSF finally emerged from the river, gasping for air. It was a Hyuga. Two other nins quickly rushed over to help him.

Sixteen. There were sixteen of them now.

"Fuck, did you **see** that?" Suigetsu said. "Did you see what it did to—"

"Not now," Sasuke said through clenched teeth, running his own hands through his hair and mouth twisted into a grimace. His eyes were shut tight, and Sakura knew he had a migraine just from the way he held himself. The pain must have been excruciating, but the only sign he gave that he was in any discomfort was the slight trembling that overcame him and the clipped nature of his words.

"Fuck this," Suigetsu swore. "Fuck it. I'm done, I'm so done. I'm not going back, I'm not."

"Suigetsu, not now."

"WE JUST GOT SLAUGHTERED!"

"I KNOW!" Sasuke roared. He rounded on the other nin, eyes open and whirling. Fresh blood spilled past the rims to snake its way down his face. His hair was wild, pulled up at odd angles and sticking out every which way from his nervous threading, and he looked like Madara in that moment; younger, less composed, but just as frenetically angry. Sakura was scared of him. Of everything, really. She hadn't been this scared since the war. The chakra from her seal was already fading.

"We have to go back," she said, as if in a trance. "To warn Konoha." Sasuke turned to her, running his bloody hand across his mouth as he stared in her general direction. He didn't acknowledge her one way or another, but beside him the dark-haired Aya sneered and spat blood, nervously re-gripping the shaft of her gunbai.

"We won't be able to outrun it," she told him bluntly. "We're too weak."

"Outrun what?" demanded Sakura, but no one listened to her. Sasuke was already redrawing Kusanagi, preparing to leave.

"Suigetsu, Hanabi. Up front," he said. "Ueda, Jin, Kushimura, bring up the rear. Don't let it near you, or you're dead. The rest of you in the center."

And like a switch had been flipped the panic died down and what was left of the LSF immediately fell into the respective places. There was no one else coming down the river. As Sakura stood she stumbled, barely managing to get up. She was so out of shape. She had seen something the night before, and _my fault, my fault, I should have said something—_

Sasuke's hand came to rest on her arm, holding her steady. As she swayed beside him he blindly fumbled for her satchel and grabbed one of the packets of s-boosters he'd given her, shoving a couple of pills roughly into her hand.

"Take it," he hissed. "Take them **all**."

For once, Sakura didn't feel like arguing with him. She swallowed the pills. The LSF kept running.

* * *

 

They ran towards Kusa.

After dipping slightly inside Ame's borders, they veered back towards Grass, traveling at full tilt along the border region between the two nations. Not once did a foreign nin try to stop them. The entire situation was wrong. They couldn't go back.

Whatever had attacked them was still out there, spreading along Konoha's far western border in a chakra-choking blanket. The plan—what Sakura could make of it from the direction they were traveling in—was to do a deep loop over it, moving through Kusa and up into Iwa, before swinging wide in an arc.

They ran for half an hour before Sasuke set loose his raptor Matsuba, whispering a quick message to her before the giant bird shrieked and set off, flying high to avoid detection. Sakura didn't know what had attacked them, or what _it_ was, but she desperately hoped the bird would get through. Her thoughts were flickering violently between her own personal terror to heart-stopping concern for the rest of the squad. Konoha was extremely vulnerable.

Naruto. Naruto was there, along with Ino and Hinata. Her village was her village, and as much as Sakura had wanted to escape it she was terrified of what would happen to the people in it. She didn't want them to die.

_Tsunade, Kakashi, tell me what to do._ There was no answer.

They ran and they ran, but they were slow and tired easily without their chakra. Even after it began to return about an hour away from the disaster zone, they still were far from their best. Their chakra came back in increments, stilted and damaged, and it returned to those with the biggest reserves first. Sasuke—who had never lost his entirely—retrieved his, followed by Aya, Suigetsu, and Hanabi, then all the others. Sakura's chakra returned as well, but it was too little, too late. She was dead tired, her heart pounding and equilibrium spinning. The only thing keeping her upright was the pills that Sasuke had given her. She supposed she should have been thankful for that.

Sasuke ran ahead of the group, low to the ground and seemingly possessed. Sakura was sure the only way he was able to navigate was with the sharingan, and she didn't have to interact with him to know that he was furious and panicked. When Sasuke was both he lashed out. It was a given for him, this sort of frenetic-ness; Sakura could feel it in the way his chakra roiled every which way, how his movements were jerky and his breathing was harsh. It was suffocating being near him, and his distress did nothing to calm down the rest of the squad. The only ones who seemed to be used to it were Suigetsu and Juugo, but they were both heavily injured and their strength was failing. Away from the battle Sakura's panic was all the more deadly, driven by a compulsive need to be useful and keep the others alive. She could do this. She would.

They did stop eventually, and only then because they couldn't run anymore without several of them bleeding out. They crossed a large plane of grass with the hasty, fugitive movements of people fearing for their lives; low to the ground and quaking. Up ahead was a mushroom forest, one of the many such areas that dotted Kusa. It reminded Sakura so much of her childhood it brought a pang of nostalgia to her chest. The bittersweet feeling that swept over her was entirely inappropriate for the moment, and almost immediately quashed.

Juugo was queasy, clutching at his stump and far too pallid. As they reached the forest he stumbled and fell. Sakura was in no shape to carry him, but she tried.

"Come on, Juugo," she said breathily, coming to a halt beside him and trying to lift him up. He was a giant next to her, and without the added strength of her chakra Sakura felt particularly frail. "Come on, Juugo-kun. You can make it. You can."

"It didn't hurt when they took my arm," he mumbled, his eyes glazed from the blood loss. "It was there, and then it wasn't."

"It's the shock," she assured him, bracing her feet in the dirt as she tried to help him up. "It's normal. You'll be alright."

Then Sasuke was beside them, clumsily taking Juugo from her grasp. Hoisting the larger nin's arm over his shoulder, he dragged him towards the trees. He didn't look at her directly, but Sakura could see his expression was grim. Up close she could make out raw, oozing lacerations along Sasuke's own forearms and chest, as if someone had taken a serrated knife to his skin and dragged upwards.

The Uchiha pulled the former Taka member past the tree line. What was left of the LSF followed, skittering amongst the mulch and branches. They set up an impromptu camp inside a natural cave, hollowed out of the space beneath the roots of a giant tuber. There was only one exit, so they were in danger of getting trapped. The hollow was barely big enough to fit six of them at a time, but they managed. Sakura went inside with the rest of the injured. There was no fire, and no cooking of food; just blood and fear as they downed some more soldier pills and gripped their kunais a little too tightly. One of the twins, Sora, made the seals to form an illusion around the entire camp, but Sasuke stopped him and told what was left of the platoon to suppress their chakras. Immediately a rotating guard duty was established, and the squad went about their individual tasks, each sporting expressions of despair. Sakura began the duty of triage.

She downed another pill to try and boost her chakra, hoping the shaky thread that coursed through her limbs would get her through most of the patients. Sakura started working on Juugo first. There wasn't that much she could do for him. His arm had been severed clean at the shoulder, and the limb was missing. It was a miracle he hadn't bled to death but his career as a ninja was over, _if_ and _when_ they got back.

Juugo sat in front of her, back hunched and face drawn. His bright orange hair was turning stiff with dried blood as it hung across his forehead. The green glow surrounding Sakura's fingers was pitifully weak.

"You can't grow it back, can you, Sakura-san?" he asked. Sakura tried to give him a watery smile of sympathy, but failed miserably. Instead, she bit her lip to hold back to sobs and shook her head. _Poor Juugo._

"No, I'm sorry."

Juugo nodded sluggishly. He looked down at his last remaining hand, eyes glazed as he spoke.

"It's alright," he slurred. "I don't think I want to be a ninja anymore, anyways."

Not far off, Aya—whose leg had been ripped along the thigh—cursed and spat blood for the umpteenth time, shoving the butt of her gunbai into the dirt as she hastily pulled her long black hair away from her face. Sasuke was standing just outside the entrance to the hollow, feet braced for balance and expression slack as he stared at nothing. His cheeks were tracked with red and Sakura knew he couldn't see.

_My eyes,_ he'd babbled that night in the tent, when Sakura wasn't quite past caring. _My eyes, who took them, I can't see._

"We've lost too many," Aya declared, hands on her hips. "The platoon's unbalanced."

"Unbalanced?" Suigetsu said shrilly, his voice rising with hysteria. "Unbalanced? The flanks are fucking **gone**."

Their defensive flanks were gone, Sakura realized with horror. Except for the Hyuga sitting beside Hanabi, not a single one had survived. The only defensive nins left were Susumu and Sakura herself. It was an absolute disaster for Konoha. They'd probably lost several bloodlines in the space of ten minutes. Sasuke closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, running a hand across his forehead as if to dispel a headache. He was uncharacteristically trembling.

"There's more than one out there," Aya continued, rounding on him with her hands still on her hips. She was getting angrier and angrier, but no one could blame her. She was just saying what they were all thinking. "It's going to cut us off—"

"Aya," Sasuke ground out, his hand still against his forehead. The shaking got worse, and Sakura knew that he was about to drop. If they were attacked again he was one of the few that could possibly put up a fight, and as a medic she couldn't risk him going under. Sakura tried to fix Juugo faster.

"Do a headcount," Sasuke mumbled. "See who made it. I'll reorder the squads."

Aya looked furious, lips pursed together in a thin line, but she still followed her orders. Yanking her gunbai out of the ground, she left the hollow. Sakura finished cauterizing Juugo's shoulder and tying the blood vessels with chakra, hastily reaching into one of her packs to remove a roll of bandages.

"Shirt off," she murmured. Juugo blinked a few times before attempting to comply. Sakura ended up helping him with everything. As soon as she'd finished bandaging the stump, she stood and moved towards Sasuke, squashing her fear as she approached.

"Sit down," she said, reaching up to tug on his shirt and pull him inside. "Let me take a look."

He wasn't listening to her. The Uchiha's feet were braced wide to keep himself from toppling over, and Sakura suspected he was going into shock. She knew why.

_It's the corpses,_ she though. _The massacre._

"Come on," she said, a bit more gently. She put one hand to his elbow and the other to his back as she steered him towards the cave. "Let me fix your eyes."

All it took was a soft nudge to get Sasuke to acquiesce, and then he was following her, going boneless when they reached their destination and he sunk heavily to the floor. His back was to the wall of the cavern, his knees bent, arms resting atop them as he bowed his head. Sakura went about her task in a methodical manner, ignoring her own lagging strength and the fact that being near him would normally send her into a panic attack. She worked on his still-bleeding lacerations first and felt pity when she saw the gashes. The skin and muscle beneath were torn up and open. Once the skin began to stitch itself back together, Sakura shifted aside his ruined shirt to place her hand against his bare chest to heal him faster.

"Anywhere else, besides your eyes?" she asked.

"My back," he said hoarsely, his deep voice reduced to a croak. Sakura scooted forward to sit between his legs, putting a hand to his shoulder.

"Lean forward," she said softly. He did, his eyes cracking open to lazy slits as his head fell with a _thump_ against her shoulder. Sakura let him, leaning over his own shoulder and peeling aside his shirt to get a better look at his back.

There was a puncture wound along the top, just beneath one of his shoulder blades. The wound was bleeding sluggishly, but it hadn't gone clean through, nor perforated any major organs. Sakura was thankful for that. She slid her hand beneath the collar of his shirt, palm flat as it moved across his feverish skin until she got to the wound. When she began to heal it, he leaned further into her. From the other side of the hollow, Sakura could hear the two Hyugas talking to one another in hushed, horrified tones. Suigetsu occasionally muttered to himself as he sharpened his sword with frenetic determination.

"Were you hurt?" Sasuke asked, his breath ghosting across her collarbone.

"No," Sakura said, her hand pressing down over the new skin of the now-healing wound. "Just my arms, from Susumu."

There was another lengthy pause, his head lolling and cheek pressed against her skin. The tip of Sasuke's nose brushed along the side of her neck as his thick hair tickled the curve of her jaw. Distantly, Sakura realized his fingers were kneading at the edge of her shirt in repetition, clutching it in reassurance. _That's not your place,_ she wanted to say to him, but Sasuke was tired and in pain. Sakura knew he was going to take the loss of his platoon hard. He was paranoid to the extreme about losing anything.

"Did you see it?" he asked her. Sakura shook her head against his, her palm sliding up to press against his back between his shoulder blades as she tried to ease some of the tension there.

"No. We ran."

He nodded in response and Sakura pulled back. Sasuke acquiesced but didn't let go of her shirt, slouching forward as he let his cheek nestle itself in her hand while she braced his head for support. Sakura's other hand remained upright, ready to fix his eyes. She couldn't heal both at the moment—she didn't have enough chakra—but one was better than nothing.

"Which one first?" she asked softly. She was so tired she wanted to cry.

"Rinnegan," he slurred against her hand. Sakura used the other to carefully cover his left eye, letting the green wrap itself around her fingers as she fixed his nerves as best she could. He watched her with the sharingan, all red and black beneath the slit of his eyelid, dried blood crusting his eyelashes and flaking against his cheek.

"If you see it," he said slowly. "Just run."

"Was it a tailed beast?" Sakura asked, dreading the answer. She knew it wasn't—there was no way it could be—but she couldn't think of what else to say. Not far off Suigetsu let out a harsh, bitter laugh. His sharp teeth bit into his bottom lip in between gasps, his pale hands running through his ratty hair.

"No," he said. "No, it was way worse. Fuck, we're done for. **Shit**."

The cold reality sunk in, then. Decimation had a way of numbing the senses. Sakura looked at her hands on Sasuke's face, marvelling at how they could still work when her fingers were dead from the shock.

"I can't see," Sasuke admitted. Sakura felt the crushing weight of history bearing down on them. He sounded like he had that night in the tent: miserable, vicious, and lonely. She covered his eye with her hand.

"Shh, Sasuke," Sakura said, still in a trance. He gripped her shirt just a little bit harder. "Let me fix it."

All she could think about was the corpses.


	5. Yearning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Revised April 3, 2018

Imagine, Suigetsu said, that you are standing on top of a wire and that wire is as sharp as a blade.

On either side there is nothing but air: beneath you there is a hundred foot drop. The wire is uncomfortable because it digs into your toes, but you can bear it. Your shoes are tough and your balance if firm, and at the end of the tightrope is your goal, just a few feet across the chasm.

Suddenly you go blind. You see nothing no matter how hard you strain your eyes. The wire digs into your toes, painfully sharp as the rope bows and tightens. You frantically try to find balance, but you're unable to see or move. As you hang there in the empty air, waiting for one wrong shuffle to signal your downfall, you can feel the drop in your stomach; the looming emptiness beneath you, ready to swallow you whole.

The hairs on the back of your arms straighten. A shiver runs down your spine, and a queasy sensation crawls through your gut. You're struck with the sudden urge to vomit.

That, Suigetsu said, was what it was like stepping into the chakra void. There was no energy—your ability to create it abruptly cut off—but you could feel everything that much more clearly because of it. And still, you were paralyzed.

Shinobi fell in mid air, careening across the ground to snap necks and break bones with the force of their own momentum. The ones with less chakra went down immediately. The stronger ones, like Sasuke, got sick. There was a moaning ahead of them as something massive moved in the mists; the shuffle of wet flesh, like raw meat being slapped across a chopping board.

Then the screaming started. The screaming was everywhere, and nins were losing control of their bloodlines and releasing jutsus left and right. The world became light and noise, like standing at the heart of an explosion.

Sakura listened to Suigetsu recount the attack with a hysterical sort of canter. As she listened—her hand pressed to his back while she fixed his wounds—she felt sick in a way that she had never felt before. It was the sickness of finality _,_ because there was an inexplicable, overwhelming feeling growing inside her. The surety that everything would end.

_I'm going to die._ The knowledge was lodged at the back of her throat, but for some reason she couldn't voice it. She'd never been so sure of anything in her entire life.

"We're fucked, Pinky," Suigetsu said, hunching in on himself and teeth chattering as she repaired his back. "We're so fucked. Damn, I miss Madara. Give me the Ten-Tails instead of this shit."

Across from them Sasuke sat with his back braced against the cavern wall, knees bent and one bloody hand covering his eyes. _No luck,_ Sakura thought miserably, and she felt pity for him then. He never had any luck, and she didn't seem to have any either. Maybe they were cursed.

"I don't want to die," Suigetsu said to no one in particular, but he glared in Sasuke's direction. "I don't want to die like that. Not like **them**."

"Hey now, Suigetsu. It's okay," Sakura soothed, putting a hand to the side of his head as she patted his hair in an effort to calm him. He let out a tremulous breath. "You won't. I'll make sure of it."

She wouldn't let him die. Sakura promised.

* * *

 

Sakura had barely managed to finish patching the most serious of wounds before she was curled up on the ground and falling asleep, sans blanket and missing her jacket. She huddled inwards for warmth as she tried to make herself as small as possible. Normally sleeping was something she wouldn't have been able to do so—she hadn't done her ritual yet, and Sasuke was nearby—but Sakura was drained of strength and chakra. When she lay down her mind blanked immediately.

No one woke her for her shift to watch the perimeter. The only reason she did wake up, hours later, was because one of Sasuke's snakes was slowly slithering its way up her back to curl itself around her shoulder. Sasuke was keeping watch outside, she knew, but Sakura was worn out and mentally exhausted. She didn't have time to deal with his peculiarities. She also hated his snakes.

"Sasuke," she mumbled as his serpent looped itself across her. "If you want to talk, just talk. But stop sending the snakes. I'll kill them."

The snake stopped moving, but didn't remove itself from her arm. It was small—no more than a foot long, and Sakura was tired—so she ignored it. She closed her eyes for a bit, absorbing the texture of the dirt beneath her cheek as she let her body sink into the earth. She didn't hear Sasuke approach but felt him anyways. His suffocating, concentrated chakra got denser whenever he was trying to mask it, just like Madara's. The two of them were so alike it was unnerving.

Slowly Sakura opened her eyes. She was greeted with the sight of Sasuke's sandal-clad feet. He squatted low beside her head, his arms slung over his knees and slender fingers slack. The Uchiha's head tilted down and to the side as he eyed her, his inky hair shadowing one side of his face.

_Definitely Madara, then._ From this angle, they could have passed as twins. Sakura didn't like the way her ex-teammate had aged over the years, and morbidly, she wished he'd taken after Itachi in the looks department.

"Are you going to use the mangekyō on me?" she asked, lazily taking note of the red beginning to peek through in his right eye. She wouldn't have put it past him—even now, years later.

Sasuke's response was simple, his voice hoarse as his words rumbled through his chest. He sounded tired.

"No."

"You know," Sakura began conversationally, not really caring what she said. She was going to die, anyways. The others just didn't know it yet. "I dreamt about it for years. Every night, you stabbed me. Over and over again. I can't stand the sound of the birds."

He didn't respond to that, because there wasn't much to say. Even though it was obvious that he wanted to talk, getting Sasuke to speak was like wringing blood from a stone. Sakura waited patiently, like she always had. As was expected of her.

"I didn't mean to kill your parents."

She closed her eyes to try and hide the tears, but she just had too many to shed. Sakura let them fall. She was so tired she couldn't even find it in her to be mad at him anymore.

"You didn't mean to do a lot of things, Sasuke, but you still did them. There are some things you can't take back." He didn't say anything once again, and for a second Sakura could almost convince herself that he'd gone. The only reason she knew that he hadn't was because she felt his suffocating chakra beside her, tentatively reaching out to blanket the cavern in its heat. Eventually something warm **did** touch her hand; slim, calloused fingers, sliding beneath hers to curl under the digits and lift them carefully off the ground. It was the most tenuous of embraces, and it made Sakura incredibly sad. She was tired. She didn't want to deal with him, and she couldn't take anymore heartache. Sasuke was rife with it.

"This is the wrong time for this," she warned, soft and devoid of energy. Sasuke didn't let go, and Sakura cracked her eye open to see him hunched over even further, rocking back and forth a bit on his heels. The first two fingers on his right hand were loosely hooked around hers, his other hand running repetitively across his mouth. He wasn't looking at her.

"Naruto… Naruto says family is important," he said. It was like talking to a child who didn't understand the most basic of concepts.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun," Sakura mumbled, and the tears came harder then. "I'm not your family, and you know it."

His fingers tightened around hers, even while he continued to avoid her gaze. "Aren't you?" he muttered from behind his other hand. Sakura wished she had the energy to scream her frustration. She knew he was taking the loss of his team hard. Sasuke had a tendency to latch on to familiar things when he was distressed, but she didn't want to be his security blanket. She wanted to be **Sakura**.

"I never have been," she said. "And you've never cared."

The Uchiha compulsively squeezed her hand. The fact that he was rocking back and forth became more noticeable. His eyebrows were furrowed deep. Sakura knew what he was thinking—what he was planning on asking—and immediately cut the idea off.

"You don't hurt your family, Sasuke," she told him sternly. He needed to understand this, and the fact that eight years later he was still struggling with basic concepts was downright tragic.

"Itachi did," was his response.

It always came back to Itachi. Sasuke loved his older brother to death, and if Naruto hadn't stopped him from trying to kill himself he would have followed him into it, too. The first few years after the war had been rough. Sakura vividly remembered the fallout.

Her response was blunt, but not unkind. "Yes, but you're not Itachi, are you, Sasuke? You're you."

He didn't say anything to that, and Sakura re-closed her eyes, letting her hand go limp in his. She found herself wishing that Naruto were there to take care of him. He was so much better at the Sasuke Pep-Talks.

"I know… I know it's hard losing your team," she began. "And I know you loved them, but you'll get through this." She knew she wouldn't, but she kept that to herself.

"You loved me, too," he blurted out. "You said forever." The words burned, even now, and Sakura regretted them.

"I did," she agreed miserably. "But that was a long time ago, and I was stupid." Sasuke didn't let go. Sakura heard him fumbling around in her discarded satchel with his free hand, before he unfurled her fingers and pushed another S-Booster into hers.

"Take it," he said, trying to make her hold it. Sakura didn't.

"Sasuke, I can't keep taking these. They're too hard on my system and the others might need them more."

"Take it," he insisted. His voice had a trembling edge to it. "You're not supposed to get sick. You're the medic."

Sakura let out a reedy laugh, her fingers finally tightening against his. Sasuke responded in kind, and Sakura felt his chakra surge without him meaning to, enveloping her completely in its warmth.

"Medic," she chuckled humorlessly. "That's right. I'm the medic." She wasn't Sakura. She wasn't even Tsunade's legendary apprentice, or the Head of Konoha's hospital. Here she was just Team Seven's backup, the dead weight to Sasuke's brilliance and Naruto's perseverance: a remnant of their unfortunate past. She and Sasuke were having their first real conversation in years, and Sakura had never felt more alone. She couldn't bear to think about it.

"You should go outside," she mumbled through her tears. "See to the others."

Sakura could tell that he didn't want to. She could feel it in the way his chakra became even more insistent, clinging to her like glue and coating everything in the cave. Sasuke's hand was dry from the fire and callused from sword work, the texture rough and aggravating. Sakura withdrew her hand from his and he let her, but he didn't move from his crouched position beside her head. She curled up even further, closing her eyes.

"It's been a long day," she whispered. "I need to rest before we leave."

Sasuke said nothing, but a few minutes later Sakura heard him depart. Without giving the Uchiha another thought, she slept.

* * *

 

The final headcount for the surviving LSF was fifteen, not including Sakura. All of them were offensive nins that had been at the head of the vanguard, except for Suigetsu, Susumu, Hanabi, and her cousin Hotaka—the only other Hyuga.

Once Sakura woke up and finished her rounds, the LSF she didn't know by name were quickly introduced. There was Jin, who specialized in frost jutsus and sported a perpetual body temperature that was basically zero. Also among the survivors was Yamamori, who looked disturbingly like Haku of all people, along with his older cousins Ai and Etsuko. There was Michi, who had fled the destruction of Sound along with Team Taka, and Kushimura, who was an Iwa defector. The twins Sora and Shun, Sakura learned, were from the Otogakure, and had a talent for manipulating auditory waves in the most awful of ways. They were very young, barely fifteen years old but already long-time jounins. Sakura's chest clenched with anxiety upon learning their ages. It spasmed even further when the twins revealed themselves to be unfailingly polite and affectionate.

"It is good that Uchiha-san's teammate is with us, now," said Sora, although Sakura had a hard time telling them apart. They were both brown-haired and brown-eyed and dressed in navy blue, their features fine and androgynous. Strange speckled patterns—like a leopard's spots—ran down either side of their necks and along their arms.

"Probably," Sakura mumbled, not believing them in the slightest.

"Definitely," said Shun. He leaned into her hands while she fixed a deep gash that ran the length of his cheek. "Uchiha-san is the best, and his teammates are the best also. Uchiha-san says so."

Dread pooled in Sakura's belly as she looked at the twins. They were young. Oh gods, they were practically babies who idolized Sasuke and thought everything would turn out all right. She was struck with the overwhelming maternal urge to pack them up—to keep them safe and hidden from harm—but had to remind herself that they were nins. Elite, dangerous nins, who fought and killed for Sasuke on a regular basis.

"Uchiha-san and I have not been teammates for a very long time," she reminded them gently. Shun blinked and canted his head between her hands, her green chakra crawling across the rounded, baby-ish tip of his nose.

"Uchiha-san does not care about that," he declared. Then, out of nowhere, "You should not talk to Susu-kun so much."

Sakura blinked at the sudden change in topic.

"Why? Do you not like Susumu?" she queried. Sora and Shun shook their heads in the _negative_ at the same time, and Shun smiled into her hands.

"We like Susu-kun a lot. He is very kind. But he did not listen to Uchiha-san when he should have." Sakura didn't respond to their warning, nor did she heed it, although she did wonder where it was coming from. She couldn't see Susumu getting into a conflict with Sasuke over anything, really. The blond-haired nin respected him too much.

Once she was done patching up the twins Sakura went to find Susumu. He was sitting by himself on the edge of their small encampment, crouched beneath a giant mushroom and staring across the field towards the direction from which they'd arrived. His back was tense, his thin shoulders straining against his white haori. Out of all the LSF, he had escaped with the least amount of damage. When Sakura stood to his side she spied some bruising across his face, the purpling skin making the yellow of his eyes all the more vivid, but that was it. Still, Sakura wanted to check on him before they left.

Silently, she crouched beside the blond-haired nin. Susumu looked towards her, his expression wary and uncharacteristically grim. He hid his hands inside his sleeves, his slender fingers curling beneath the hems to obscure the bright red claws. Sakura didn't miss the action, but pretended she did. Hoping it would make him feel more at ease, she turned to look at what he'd been staring towards: the burning, smoke-clogged horizon, beyond the fields and giant mushrooms that served as trees. The sky was darkening with what looked like thunderclouds, but beneath that was a black smudge slowly spreading along the horizon, and it was huge. Every now and then there was a flicker of orange—the swell of flames licking upwards—followed by a faint, horribly familiar shriek. Whatever had attacked them was still out there, although it didn't seem to be following at the moment. They were all waiting on a hairsbreadth for it to make up its mind to do so.

"Anything?" Sakura said, deciding to keep her speech to a minimum. Talking was exhausting, even with someone like him. Susumu shook his head. Sakura took in his unusually subdued manner and how his hair was falling in soft waves over his eyes. "Were you hurt?" she asked. Another inhuman scream issued from the horizon and the two of them tensed, turning towards the burning thunderclouds. When nothing happened, Susumu shook his head a second time, but Sakura didn't miss the way he slightly leaned away from her. She narrowed her eyes and reached out.

"Let me check anyways," she insisted. He acquiesced, although he didn't seem happy about it.

Susumu sat very still when Sakura put her hands on his face. The skin across his cheeks was very smooth, the tufts of his hair that brushed along the tops of her hands extremely soft. His red facial markings were stark against the paleness of his skin, and although they made his features more severe-looking he seemed especially young in the low, mid-morning light. Either that or Sakura was just getting old. She wanted to ask him about his bloodline—about the acid that had burnt away several layers of her skin—but got the impression that he wouldn't appreciate it, so she didn't.

"How old are you?" she said. Susumu met her eyes, his six pupils shrinking to two inside golden irises.

"Twenty-three," he said softly.

_He doesn't look it_ , Sakura thought somewhat jealously, but said nothing other than a slight "huh."

"Why…" he began. Sakura glanced at him, waiting patiently for the other nin to finish his train of thought. There was a single blink of red tattooed eyelids before he slowly opened them again. Sakura cupped his cheek more firmly to finish healing the bruising. "Why did you jump in?" he asked. He was pointedly not looking at her arms and still hiding his own hands.

Sakura found it hard to smile, but she managed a small one that cracked her face, just for him. "You have a sister," she said simply.

Susumu blinked abruptly as if he didn't quite know what to make of her statement. Then he smiled in return. It started slow—nothing but a twitch on the right side of his mouth—but it grew wider and wider, his lips parting to reveal his teeth. His eyelids crinkled at the corners with the force of it. Sakura recognized the emotion that she saw in his watery, too-intense gaze. Relief and overwhelming gratitude, mixed with adoration.

"I have a sister," he repeated, his voice cracking as he choked up. His sharp-nailed hand quickly emerged from his sleeve to cover the one she held against his face, gentle and full of warmth. Sakura nodded and pretended she didn't see how shiny his eyes were; how he looked as if he was on the verge of crying.

"Yeah," she agreed.

Susumu squeezed her hand and sniffled slightly. He reached up with his other hand to rub the back of his palm beneath his nose. "Thank you," he said, then, more firmly, " **Thank you**."

Sakura gave his cheek a light, friendly pat as she finished, but didn't say anything. Susumu was so nice. She really liked him.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked as she withdrew. Sakura shrugged.

"Nothing I couldn't fix."

His hand snaked out, clawed fingers curling around hers as he stopped her from retreating further. He looked down at their joined hands, then nodded absently, his pale hair fluffing around his head in a halo. Sakura looked down at their hands as well.

"Good," said Susumu, somewhat stiltedly. " I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Sakura said, squeezing her fingers around his. "It wasn't your fault, Susumu."

Susumu squeezed back, and Sakura felt her insides flutter as he did.

"Ayano would like you," Susumu said, his thumb rubbing back and forth across the top of her palm. "A lot."

"When we get back to Konoha, I'll visit her," Sakura promised. The unspoken _if_ hung between them, but they both ignored it. Susumu met her eyes and smiled again, soft and understated but so full of hope. He was an odd looking nin, with his stark red tattoos and lamb-like hair and mostly-missing eyebrows, but she really enjoyed his company. He felt like her first real friend in years. There seemed to be an unspoken rule between the two of them where they pretended that everything was normal—that they hadn't just lose most of the LSF and were still being hunted. Sakura needed the delusion, and managed to crack another smile.

"So you're a bone-eater, huh?" she whispered conspiratorially. Susumu grinned self-deprecatingly and nodded.

"Yes."

"Eats through everything, does it?"

"Yes."

"That's good," Sakura said, and Susumu looked at her with confusion. She took pains to clarify. "It means your sister's really safe. She has it too, right? No one will get to her."

His reaction was visible. Susumu looked so bowled over by her words he swayed a bit. Then he was grasping her hand with fervid desperation, his voice cracking as he blurted his next words out in a rush.

"I like you, Sakura-san."

Sakura felt like she'd been hit by Sasuke's Chidori.

Her mind blanked for a bit, and then it didn't. Before she could respond there was the crunch of sandals across mulch-covered ground as Aya strode towards them. Her black clothes were torn, her even blacker hair pulled into a hasty ponytail and her gunbai strapped to her back. She looked very Uchiha in that moment, but Sakura knew she wasn't.

"Haruno, Ueda, time to leave," she said, then added to Sakura, "Uchiha wants to talk to you. He's with Hozuki, about twenty yards back."

Immediately Sakura and Susumu pulled apart and fell into their respective places, although Susumu's hand dragged across hers a bit longer than was necessary. Aya didn't miss it. She zeroed in on the action like one of Sasuke's hawks eying its prey, her black gaze turning hard and angry. Her voice was clipped as she spoke.

"Ueda," she snapped as Susumu gracefully rose to his feet. "You know better. Keep your hands to yourself."

Susumu stayed silent, but his expression shuttered, going so blank that Sakura was almost disturbed by it. She got angry, then. Nothing had happened between them, and even if it had it wasn't Aya's place to comment. Nor was it the time to be having this kind of conversation. It was probably the worst.

"He wasn't doing anything," Sakura said, stepping between Susumu and the dark-haired kunoichi. She felt the irrational need to defend him, especially since Susumu seemed to be unwilling to defend himself in the face of such inappropriate allegations. Aya turned her angry gaze on her.

"Uchiha thinks otherwise," she said. Before Sakura could respond the nin turned around in a swirl of long black hair and stalked away. Without missing a beat Susumu slunk after her like a shadow, utterly obedient and totally silent. He didn't look at her as he passed, and Sakura was left alone.

It was the LSF. It had always been the LSF, and no matter how nice he was Susumu was loyal to Sasuke first. Sakura knew this and she didn't blame him for it, but the acknowledgement of the fact still hurt. She resolved to forget what he had just happened; she knew there would be no time to analyze it or come to terms with her own emotions. That brief window of fantasy where she'd forgotten the outside world was over. She had to focus on getting the others back to Konoha.

Sakura picked up her satchel and walked in Sasuke's direction. She didn't want to interact with him any more than was necessary, but the ongoing disintegration of their mission had a way of dulling her senses to his presence. She could sink into medic mode and put up the shields, as she had a legitimate excuse to talk with him on a purely professional level. Sasuke may not have wanted her as the platoon's medic, but he wasn't stupid when it came to tactics. Sakura could count on him to mellow out and put his personal concerns aside while the rest of his squad was in danger. There was a real risk of them not being able to make it back to Konoha and their conversation from the night before didn't matter.

_Just a bandage_ , she reminded herself. _Rip it off. It will be over soon._

Her steps remained hushed as she walked across the forest floor. She kept her center of gravity low and her chakra mostly hidden. Sakura was low on energy. When she tried to remember the last time she'd eaten she couldn't. There was a quiet, tense atmosphere throughout the entire area, the early morning sky darkened by grey. Under the canopy of the mushroom forest, where the light level was already low, the undergrowth between the tuberous stalks was cast into perpetual shadow. Above the overpowering smell of mulch there was the scent of bushfire wafting on the air. Her arms were itching again. Absently, Sakura scratched at them to relieve the sensation, then popped a soldier pill to keep herself going. No one in the LSF talked louder than a whisper, as if believing the slightest amount of sound would send the unnamed creature scurrying after them. Sakura felt her heart rate increase as a result.

_It's odd that no Kusa nins have spotted us,_ she thought, then almost instantly a horrific notion occurred. She immediately pushed it to the side and refused to examine it. It couldn't be that bad. It **wouldn't**. As Sakura walked past a particularly large mushroom she spied Hanabi and her cousin. Immediately she made a detour towards them: she'd talked only briefly with the other nin since they'd made camp. As she neared Sakura could see that Hanabi was pale as she sharpened a kunai. Her cousin Hotaka wasn't doing any better. Neither Hyuga looked up as she approached.

"Hey," Sakura said. Hanabi did look up then, but quickly lowered her gaze as she returned to sharpening her blade. She was worryingly withdrawn, and Sakura knew not all was right. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Hanabi's lips pulled into a thin, trembling line, her eyes taking on a watery sheen as her hand dragged the wetstone down her kunai.

"It took my bloodline," she finally said. Sakura knew what was bothering her. Hanabi had never, ever been weak.

"I know," she said softly. "But you got it back. It's not permanent." The trembling in Hanabi's hands and the watery sheen to her eyes got worse. Sakura crouched down all the way and began rummaging around in her pack, finding a bottle of pills that she'd ironically packed for the villagers. Civilians living along the border regions tended to suffer from higher levels of stress than those in the interior, on the account of all the skirmishes. She'd never thought she'd have to use them here.

"Here," Sakura said, uncorking the top and shaking a couple pills into her palm. She held them out to Hanabi. "I don't have an endless supply, but it will help with the nerves."

Wordlessly Hanabi took a pill and swallowed without complaint. Sakura offered her cousin Hotaka two of them. His hands were shaking so violently he had a hard time holding them. It was a bad sign for a nin.

_The only surviving member of the flanks,_ Sakura thought, and her heart went out to him. She watched as his pale hands struggled to hold the meds, his eyes remaining downcast as his shoulders trembled.

"Hotaka, right?" she whispered. He nodded. The area was beginning to smell overwhelmingly like bushfire, and Sakura wrinkled her nose, rubbing at the bottom of it. "Do you need more time before we move out?" She didn't want to push him.

Hotaka shook his head and didn't look at her, his glossy brown hair matted around his face and pale eyes huge. Sakura had thought that Sasuke would be the first one to snap—he'd seemed awful close to it, the night before—but maybe she was wrong. She turned from him and leaned close to Hanabi, her lips to her ear and her hand to her shoulder as she whispered to the younger woman. Hanabi reached up and gripped her arm in return, her hold desperate.

"Watch your cousin, alright?" Sakura murmured. "I'm worried about him." Hanabi nodded and Sakura leaned back, but still kept her hand on the other woman's shoulder. She seemed to need the physical contact.

"Have you seen Sasuke?" she asked. Hanabi nodded again.

"He's with Puddle, about ten yards back and to your right."

Sakura nodded, squeezed her shoulder, then left.

Sasuke was standing further back, as Aya had promised. With him were Suigetsu and Kushimura, along with Sora and Shun who seemed to be hanging onto his every word. Away from the main crush of the battle everyone was still tense and wary, but Sakura could see just how deeply the twins idolized Sasuke. They hovered around him and watched with big puppy-dog eyes, waiting for a stray word of praise or acknowledgement. It made Sakura incredibly bitter. She knew the plan, at least the basics: swing up through Iwa, then back around like the head of a hammer to cut their way through Fire and head straight towards home. That being said, she still didn't know the details. Sakura assumed Sasuke was explaining them now, and the fact that he was talking to Kushimura made sense, as the blond nin was originally from Iwa.

Leaning against a nearby mushroom was Juugo, still horribly pale and mostly unresponsive. His face and collar were soaked with sweat, but Sakura could see him shivering from where she stood. She veered off towards him, crouching by his side. Sasuke never looked in their direction.

"Juugo," Sakura said quietly, reaching out to put a hand to his forehead to feel his temperature, then to the side of his neck to feel his pulse. "How are you feeling?"

Juugo looked towards her with a dull gaze, his eyelids lowered.

"I'm too slow," he admitted. The unspoken _to keep up_ lingered in the air between them, and Sakura knew that particular brand of hopelessness all too well. She put her hand on Juugo's last remaining arm, squeezing gently in reassurance.

"You'll be fine," she said, then added, "I'll travel with you, okay? Just wait a minute for me. I have to talk to Sasuke."

At that moment Kushimura breezed past them, saying nothing as he pulled a gray mask over the lower half of his face and headed deeper into the woods. The twins Sora and Shun used shunshin to dart off, heading in the same direction that Sakura had last seen Aya. Suigetsu was still talking with Sasuke, but his expression was exceptionally grim, his sharp teeth poking past the edge of his lips as he spoke. The two of them seemed to be arguing over something. As Sakura approached, she was able to pick up individual words.

"We shouldn't do it," Suigetsu said. "It's fucking stupid."

"It's not," Sasuke's voice was hoarse, his words rasping towards the end like he'd been screaming.

"It is. It's stupid and I'm not going to die for this shit—"

"Suigetsu."

"We're Taka. Fuckin' **Taka** , not Konoha's bitch—"

"Suigetsu, **enough**."

It was at that moment that Sakura reached them. Suigetsu's lips pulled back upon her arrival. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned to the side to spit. Sasuke turned to face her.

His head was not in a good place. Sakura could tell just by looking at him, as she'd known Sasuke for over a decade and was well versed in all the signs. His complexion was pale, and the dark shadows around his eyes made him look like a corpse. One of his hands went to hook itself in the dark red obi tied low around his waist, and as it did Sakura saw that his fingers were trembling. He was holding himself together better than Hotaka, but barely, and seemed to be functioning on autopilot. Suigetsu watched the Uchiha with blatant concern, which for the former mist-nin meant looking at him like he'd suddenly grown another head. It was rare that Suigetsu was ever worried about Sasuke, but he was now. It meant that things were bad.

Steeling her nerves, Sakura purposely forgot the history between them. She buried their conversation from the night before, alongside the long-dead memory of her parents. Quickly she withdrew the bottle of pills she'd given Hanabi and Hotaka, along with a packet of painkillers.

"Here," she said, making sure to keep her voice neutral. She shook some into her palm, holding them out for him to take. Sasuke turned his head to look down at her hand, his expression dull. "For the pain." Sakura paused, then added more delicately "For your nerves, too." She knew Sasuke would know what she was talking about, and that there was a good chance he would bristle at the insinuation.

Suigetsu shot her a harried, knowing glance that Sakura studiously ignored, before wisely melting back into the shadows so the two of them were relatively alone. Surprisingly, Sasuke took the pills without complaint, plucking them from her hand and swallowing them methodically, one after another.

His expression was shuttered, eyes hooded with lack of sleep. His broad back was hunched. Sakura remembered the stories she'd heard after the war. She hadn't taken care of Sasuke directly, but she'd been unable to escape the grapevine of rumors surrounding the cocktail of anti-psychotics he'd been put on; the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills he'd taken for years, just to stabilize his mood swings. She'd also had one or two run-ins with him during the early days. They had not been pleasant.

"Bastard's a walking pharmaceutical company!" Naruto had joked once, only the joke hadn't been funny and Naruto hadn't smiled, because what he'd said was true.

"How are your eyes?" Sakura asked. Sasuke swallowed the last pill, speaking around his hand.

"I'll manage."

It was Sasuke-talk for _I'm in agony but too proud to admit it._ Sakura wasn't his babysitter—that was Naruto's job, now—but she was still in medic mode. She reached up, straining on her tiptoes to place her hand comfortably over his right eye. The sharingan was always the one that bugged him the most. Sasuke leaned forward, hunching down to make it easier for her to reach. Sakura relaxed her stance in turn, falling back on her heels. She wanted to ask him what he and Suigetsu had been arguing over, but didn't.

The Uchiha was silent for a moment, and for a while all Sakura could hear was the stillness of the forest around them, too hushed to be natural. The scent of bushfire had become all-pervasive, and every now and then came another eerie, melodic call. It sounded slightly closer than it had before, but she couldn't say for sure. Either way, it put her on edge.

"We're cutting straight across Kusa," Sasuke said eventually. Sakura looked away from her hand to his other eye, but he wasn't looking at her. Sasuke's gaze was lowered, his thick eyelashes sweeping down over the brightness of the rinnegan. He still had blood crusted in the corner towards the tear duct. "Once we cut across Kusa, Kushimura will rendezvous with some contacts in Iwa to warn their village, while we swing back."

"Is that wise?" Sakura asked. "He's a defector, isn't he?"

Sasuke's hand twitched against his obi, the other remaining limp at his side. "He is, but he knows the terrain better. He'll move quick."

Sakura nodded and said no more. It wasn't ideal but his reasoning was sound, which was all they could hope for at the moment. Sasuke's breath hitched, as if he was about to speak. Sakura could feel his eyelashes brushing against the inside of her palm as he blinked rapidly, still looking towards the dirt.

"When we go you'll travel with me this time. At the front." The shadows around his eyes were as stark as Gaara's had been. He swallowed noticeably, his throat bobbing and his voice hoarse. It sounded innocuous enough—an impersonal request, made by the squad captain—but Sakura knew it wasn't. She sunk even deeper into her medical mindset and refused to focus on his features; how the bits of dried blood clinging to his eyelashes was beginning to bug her. She needed distance, and he was giving her none. Sakura resented him for it but tried not to let that resentment show.

"I'm better at guarding the rear in a defensive position," she said. "You know this."

Sasuke blinked against her hand and seeming to stare at nothing. Several minutes of uncomfortable silence followed. "It comes at you from the sides," he finally said. His words were monotonous with a dull sort of horror. "It… it swings around, then cuts off your retreat. That's how we lost the flanks."

His dull horror was contagious, but Sakura had to ask.

"What was it?"

"I don't know," Sasuke admitted. "I didn't get a good look." He paused, then said a little less monotonously, his hand fisting in his obi, "It moved slow, and then it didn't. There were… there were these things like tentacles, and they had hooks." Sakura swallowed, and it took everything she had to keep her defenses up. She tried to keep her own voice even as she spoke.

"I have to help Juugo," she admitted. "He's lost too much blood, even with the pills."

Sasuke's response was blunt and childishly uncomplicated. "Then Juugo can travel with us, too."

Sakura sighed and gave in to the perfectionist urge that was driving her mad, reaching up with her other hand to rub the blood out of Sasuke's eyelashes. He flinched under the sudden contact, his narrow nose scrunching up at the tip and eye snapping shut at the sensation. Still he let her get away with it. It was a testament to how tired he was, Sakura supposed.

A cry sounded through the air, much closer than before. Sasuke's hands clenched into fists, one of them immediately going to grip the hilt of Kusanagi. Sakura tried to work quicker, biting her bottom lip as a seed of worry unfurled and spread through her chest like a vine.

"What about Susumu?" she ventured. Suddenly Sasuke's shoulders were tensing too, his blank expression melting away into a frown.

"What about him?" he said. There was a harsh edge to his tone.

"You said it came from behind, and Susumu covers the rear. Will he be alright?"

Sasuke's frown turned into an outright sneer, his hand flexing repetitively around his sword hilt. "He always is. Ueda can take care of himself."

"I know, but—"

" **He can take care of himself**."

Sakura shut her mouth and dropped the subject. Sasuke was visibly angry, jaw clenched and tomoes spinning. He glared at her like she'd just dared to insult the Uchiha name. Sakura was angry too. Her resentment towards him—towards his stifling, passive-aggressive presence—was beginning to build up and fester. A uncomfortable moment passed between them, where Sakura tried to work as fast as possible but was failing miserably. He'd broken her concentration beyond repair.

"Are you feeling better?" Sasuke asked. There was a nasty undercurrent to his tone that Sakura had not heard in some time. She also felt a tugging sensation on her shirt. It took her a moment to realize that Sasuke was once again kneading at the fabric, like the damn thing was some sort security blanket. Sakura fought hard to distance herself from him, at least mentally. To maintain a mask of professionalism.

"I'm fine." If he tried to bring up their previous conversation Sakura was going to scream. She didn't want to do this with him. She couldn't.

"Hanabi says your heart's still arrhythmic," he said. Sakura didn't know why he was bringing this up now, of all times, and didn't care.

"I'm fine," she insisted. He clutched at her shirt harder.

"Naruto says you lie. He says you fake being okay not to worry us—"

"I said I'm **fine** ," Sakura snapped, and then all of a sudden they were arguing, like Sasuke used to argue with Naruto, and worse than they had in years.

"Hypocrite," Sasuke spat. Sakura jerked her hand away from his face as if he'd burned her. His chakra was coming off him in waves, spiking erratically as his killing intent rose like a tsunami. For a second all Sakura could remember was the screech of the birds, and she reeled away in terror. Sasuke followed her immediately, crowding into her space and not giving her an inch of breathing room.

"I am not!" Sakura declared. The Uchiha was reaching out to grip her elbow, fingers digging into the skin. He was utterly suffocating. Sakura couldn't breathe, and for reasons unknown Sasuke was completely enraged.

"Always," he ground out in a shaky voice, looming over her. "You always lie, just like Itachi, just like all of them, and he got sick too—"

"I am not lying!" She reached up, trying to remove his hand without chakra, but he was holding on too tight.

"You told me to fix myself. You said I needed to be careful, right before we left! But you tell me to be careful and no one tells **you** , and you just get sicker—"

She shoved his hand away—with chakra, this time—and Sakura saw red. Everything was red just like when he'd killed her parents; just like when she'd found him kneeling in front of their gravestone for the very first time. "You have absolutely no right to say that to me," she ground out. "None at all."

"I'm the captain."

"Well I'm the medic!" she said shrilly, so loudly the others were starting to notice. Sakura didn't care. She was done tiptoeing around him, with trying to hold back the resentment and fear and rage. It was rushing out in a torrent and the stress was killing her, but she wasn't going to be weak. She wasn't going to make mistakes ever again. "I am this team's only medic, and the head of the hospital. When it comes to others' health, I outrank you."

"Not others health!" he snapped, trying to grab her again. Sakura dodged and pushed his hand away. " **Yours**!"

"I outrank you!" she repeated. Now everyone was paying attention, emerging from amongst the trees to watch them with widening eyes. Juugo was awake as well. Just behind her left shoulder Sakura spied a flash of white and red. "I've outranked you for years, Sasuke! You left! You left and you're not getting it back!"

"Naruto says—"

"I don't care what Naruto says! Naruto isn't here!"

"Uchiha-san," came a horribly familiar voice. In less than a second Sasuke was whirling on the intruder, sharingan pin wheeling to life and rage making his features twist.

"Ueda! Be quiet! If I catch you enabling her again—"

Sakura slapped him. Hard, with chakra. Sasuke went reeling and almost fell to the ground. He was lucky she hadn't broken his jaw. Behind them Sakura heard Suigetsu swear.

"Goddammit, Susu," he groused. "I told you to keep your mouth shut!"

Sakura was done with Sasuke. She was done with the LSF and the cult-like obedience they had to their damaged leader. It took everything she had not to grind Sasuke's face into the dirt.

"You can fix your own fucking eyes," she spat, then turned and stalked away. As she passed Sakura felt someone reach for her sleeve, their fingers pale and clawed. Sakura slapped Susumu's hand away and shook her head, not looking at him. She couldn't bear to be around anyone anymore. She was choking.


	6. Into the Woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Revised April 3, 2018

The first time Sakura realized Sasuke was visiting her parents' grave was shortly after he tried to kill himself.

He'd been released from the hospital just a few weeks prior, and according to the rumors at the time, the Uchiha had been on house arrest and living with Naruto. Sakura had been staying with Kakashi, as her own mental state—so soon after her parents' death—had not been the greatest. In an effort to get her away from the booze and the constant, sleepless nights of crying herself into a stupor, her former sensei had suggested that visiting their memorial on a frequent basis might bring her some closure. He'd done the same with Obito and Rin, and that had helped.

Sakura had followed his advice, walking to her parents' grave the next afternoon with her heart in her throat and her nerves in tangles. _I'm stronger than this,_ she'd thought as storm clouds had built overhead. _I can get through it._

Only when she'd arrived Sasuke was already at the memorial.

He'd been dressed in hospital scrubs, an ID bracelet still wrapped around his too-thin wrist. The Uchiha hadn't moved from his spot when she'd approached, nor did he flinch when the rain started to come down in torrents. He'd simply sat there, kneeling with his forehead pressed to the dirt, his pale clothes sticking to his even paler skin and his black hair plastered to his neck with rainwater.

Sakura had felt rage. Blind, encompassing rage, followed by confusion and terror. Out of all the people she knew he'd been the last one that she'd ever expected to see there. Sasuke wasn't supposed to be kneeling in front of her parents’ grave, looking so alone and frighteningly pitiable; bowing over and over again, with his arms curled close to his chest.

_Poor Sasuke-kun_ , the old Sakura would have said, but the new Sakura was far too brittle for that. That had been **her** space and **her** parents, and Sasuke wasn't their son. She hadn't been willing to share.

She'd wanted to hit him, then. She'd wanted to scream and make him hurt. Sakura had wanted to push Sasuke's face into the ground so hard he choked on the mud, but before she could do just that Kakashi had been there, pulling her into the shadows beneath a tree before she could try something foolish. When she broke into tears he'd held her, muffling her sobs against his chest. Sasuke had stayed motionless, huddled before the grave.

"They're my parents," Sakura had sobbed into Kakashi's flak jacket as he's smoothed his hand over her hair. "They-they're mine, why's he –"

"There, there," Kakashi had said in that serious-not-serious way of his, trying to make light of the situation. "Sasuke's just working through some things, alright? He'll be gone soon." This was followed by a muttered, "He wasn't supposed to be out today." The comment hadn't been directed at her.

"He killed them," Sakura snivelled, casting a look at her former teammate as she'd clutched at Kakashi's arm. The Uchiha continued kneeling, shivering and senseless to everything beyond the stone memorial in front of him. Kakashi had dropped the happy act, his entire form deflating like a wet gray rag as he'd wrapped his other arm around her shoulders and rested his head atop hers. "He doesn't, he doesn't get to –" Sakura could barely get out the words.

"He's trying," Kakashi had said simply, and he'd sounded so, **so** tired in that moment. "You don't have to forgive him if you don't want to. It's alright."

Sakura had leaned against him, crying beneath the tree as the rainfall had picked up. The patter of raindrops between the leaves had been deafening, the sky above them rumbling and dark. Sasuke had remained in front of the grave, oblivious to all.

When Naruto finally came to pick him up, the last Uchiha had been soaked to the bone and thoroughly sick.

"OI, TEME!" Naruto had snapped, stalking up to the shivering Sasuke with a furious scowl. Kakashi had quickly masked their chakra signatures upon his arrival, for which Sakura was grateful. Unfortunately it had the unintended side effect of forcing her to watch the rest of the scene play out. Naruto hadn't known anyone else was there.

"Think you can give me the slip, do you?" the blond ninja spat. Sasuke hadn't moved. "Fuck you, you bastard. Do you want Baachan shoving you back in the hospital? Five minutes. You said **five minutes**. We were supposed to be inside ages ago!"

When Sasuke still didn't move Naruto had slowly come to a halt. He'd stood there for several moments, looking down at the Uchiha with a blank expression. When he spoke again, his words were terribly sad. "Come on," he'd said with a soft sigh. Naruto leaned down then, gently prying Sasuke off the muddy ground as he'd slung his arm around his too-thin back. Slowly, he'd helped the catatonic Uchiha to his feet. Sasuke had slipped in the mud and sagged against him.

"You've done enough for today." Naruto assured him. Sasuke said nothing, staring blankly into space and wet to the bone. Sakura had watched as Naruto leaned his head against their former teammate's, pulling him into a hug. "Okay," Naruto murmured into his hair, making _shushing_ sounds as he'd rubbed his hand across Sasuke's bony back. "Okay, let's go home. I'll get you some tomatoes and new pyjamas, all right? Bet you'll like that." Sasuke remained unresponsive.

Naruto had eventually re-slung his arm around the Uchiha's shoulders and dragged him off. "It's okay, Sasuke," the blond ninja had said as he'd pulled him away. "Everything will work out. You'll see."

Sakura had felt sick just watching.

"Want to go back?" Kakashi had asked her in the awkward silence that followed, and Sakura nodded. When the two of them reached his apartment, Sakura had shucked off her wet clothes and crawled into her makeshift cot in the corner of his living room, huddling beneath the covers.

After that, she stayed in bed for a week. She didn't visit her parents' grave for even longer.

* * *

 

There was no talking after the argument. Sakura followed Sasuke's orders to get ready and gear up, but even then it was only because she wasn't willing to risk her anger getting anyone killed in the process. She and Sasuke, they could go down in a blaze of glory for all Sakura cared. But the others were innocent in this situation, and she was going to fight tooth and nail to protect them. She didn't trust Sasuke to do it. Not again.

Sakura stayed away from the LSF for a time, cloistering herself between a cluster of giant mushrooms as she bit down on her bottom lip in an effort to muffle her cries. _Don't scream,_ she told herself, _don't let them hear you,_ but the ache inside had turned to agony. In an effort to distance herself from the pain in her chest and the horror in her head, Sakura ended up digging her nails so hard into her left arm it began to bleed. It brought her some relief, but not enough, and for a few seconds she was consumed with the urge to whip out her kunai and dig deeper. The nebulous despair and helpless anger that she felt when she thought of Sasuke was eating at her insides like a worm.

Sakura didn't have long to herself, and less than five minutes after storming away, Hanabi was sent to fetch her. Sakura **knew** she'd been sent to fetch her, because Sasuke—in all his infinite wisdom—had probably decided the Hyuga was the least likely to get her head bit off, barring Juugo. The woman was too close to Naruto, however, and too connected to everything in Sakura's past that mottled her recollections like a bruise. She didn't want to see her.

Hanabi simply stood there, about six feet away with her hands hanging at her sides. She eyed Sakura's bleeding forearm—the way her blunt nails were digging grooves into her flesh with miniature chakra scalpels—then met Sakura's frenzied gaze with her own. Her eyes were pale and haunted, the skin around them shadowed.

"Are you alright?" she asked. She sounded tired. Beyond the tree line past the sea of grass that blanketed the horizon, there was a whale-like scream, but Sakura didn't flinch this time. She was too upset over other things to do so. Closer though, she could hear the crackle of what sounded like fire, burning low and moving across the field. Whatever had attacked them was finally catching up, although Sakura didn't know what the flames were from, exactly. They had to move fast.

_Get it together,_ Sakura told herself, biting down harder on her bottom lip in an effort to contain the screams. _Get it together, just like the war, don't think about it. The others need you._ Quickly she deactivated the scalpels and healed her arm, but her chakra control wasn't the greatest at the moment. The job was so sloppy that it actually left a scar.

"Sakura?"

"Yeah," she finally choked out in response to Hanabi's question. "Yeah, I'll be alright." Then, coughing slightly to clear her throat, "I'm sorry you had to see that."

She really was. Watching another nin crack under emotional duress was horrible for team moral, especially if that nin was the medic; the one who was supposed to be fixing everyone else. _I shouldn't have screamed_ , Sakura thought. _I should’ve just walked away, and said nothing._ Then the others wouldn't have known about it.

Hanabi said nothing, the woods around them silent except for the rumble of thunder across the fields. Smoke was beginning to make its way amongst the gnarled mushrooms, and the scent of burning grass was clogging Sakura's senses.

"Don't tell him what you saw," she warned the Hyuga, shivering hard and desperately wishing for her jacket as she ran her hands up and down her arms. It had been left behind in their mad scramble across the dead zone. Sakura also wished that Hanabi hadn't seen what she'd done, but oh well, cat was out of the bag, and fuck if she knew what to do about it. She had to stall, she had to –

Hanabi blinked once at her request, her voice flat and dead. "He already knows," she said. Sakura nearly choked on the bile that flooded her throat at the news.

"Does he, now?" she snapped, shaky and full of rage. Hanabi's expression would’ve been sad if she didn't appear so exhausted.

"He always keeps tabs on you," she said. Sakura flinched. "You're _you_." Hanabi turned around and walked back towards the others.

Choking. Sakura felt like she was choking. She was drowning in everything Sasuke and there was no way to escape him except through death. She couldn't take the stress, nor a repeat of what went down during the war or what happened afterwards. _Remember the others,_ Sakura told herself, but it was so, **so** hard to do so when Sasuke was pushing everything else into the trash.

Scrubbing her hands across her eyes Sakura finally managed to get a hold of herself long enough to walk back to the others. Almost immediately she stumbled sideways, hit by a dizzy spell so strong she was forced to stop and rest. There was a weird jumping sensation beneath her ribs were her heart was located. Sakura put her palm there, flooding her chest with chakra to try and will away the sensation. With her other hand she braced herself against a nearby mushroom, her fingers bony-looking and insubstantial.

_Remember the others,_ she repeated as she finally pushed herself off the giant tuber. _You can think about yourself later. Forget Sasuke._ When she made her way back to the platoon the rest of the LSF were already assembled into much smaller versions of their individual squads. Sakura discovered—much to her horror—that Sasuke was making good on his promise to force her and Juugo to travel with him in the vanguard. The decision was unbelievably stupid and uncharacteristically lacking in judgement. Juugo was far too weak, and Sakura knew that one wrong move could send him spiraling into septic shock.

Aya was at the front, as were the twins. As Sakura passed, slinking back like a wounded animal, Sora and Shun watched her with big puppy dog eyes and expressions chock-full of anxiety, but she didn't acknowledge them. Susumu was lingering somewhere farther back, but Sakura didn't look at him either. She didn't think she could stand his kindness. It hurt too much.

The minute she was in place the platoon moved out; silent, miserable, and far too trigger happy as they slipped deeper into the forest. Sasuke was just as angry as she was, but seemed to have even less control over his emotions than her. His chakra was spiking badly and it made it impossible to concentrate. Even though Sakura had slapped him before storming off—even though she'd made it clear to **everyone** that she wanted nothing to do with him—Sasuke couldn't seem to take _no_ for an answer. He refused to give her the space she so desperately craved, and Hanabi's words echoed endlessly in Sakura's head.

_He already knows. He always keeps tabs on you. You're you._ What did he know? How long did he know it? Oh gods, just how long had he been watching her? Sakura thought of all the sleepless nights that she'd had since the war—those nights filled with paranoia and perimeter sweeps, where she couldn't shake the sense that someone was watching her—and her constant fear took on a whole new meaning. Sasuke and Naruto were close, and Naruto was one of the few people that knew where she lived. But if Sasuke had asked Naruto, if he'd expressed even the slightest amount of interest about her well being… oh fuck, the Hokage had probably told him her location.

_Calm,_ Sakura reminded herself as they wound their way deeper into the woods. _Stay calm, don't scream,_ but it was hard to stay calm when Sasuke was walking no more than ten paces away from her. The left side of the Uchiha's face was stippled with bruising, and in the low light of the forest those bruises nearly looked black. Juugo's last remaining arm was slung around his shoulders as he all but dragged the other nin through the forest. His expression—from what Sakura could make of it—was angry and defiant, his posture tense as if he were waiting for her to comment on Juugo's treatment. She said nothing.

Sakura traveled no closer to Sasuke that was necessary, and when the anxiety and loathing became too much to handle she fell back a good twenty paces, determined to walk behind. Immediately Sasuke took notice.

He handed Juugo off to Aya, who received the injured nin with a surprising amount of delicacy and nary a word of complaint. Sakura had barely registered the transfer before Sasuke was slowing down to walk beside her, hovering just out of arm's reach like some sort of malevolent cloud of death that clung to anything with pink hair.

His expression was twisted, his control on the aforementioned chakra so poor it was leaking like a goddamn sieve. Sasuke was in such a foul mood that the rest of the LSF were upset right along with him, especially the twins. His platoon made no untoward comments about the situation, but seeing how they tiptoed around the Uchiha made it clear to Sakura that they were used to this sort of behavior; that they had kept silent about it and let that behavior persist. Sasuke was acting only marginally better than he had after the war, and if he were back in Konoha it would’ve been enough to get him placed under house arrest and doped up on meds.

_He should’ve never been put back on active duty,_ Sakura thought savagely, and cursed Naruto for his desire to mitigate Sasuke's aggression at any and all costs. _Fuck the Hokage and his reasons._ Their former teammate was too dangerous. Sakura had lost her ability to deal with the Uchiha’s obsessive focus ages ago.

Again, she tried to draw away from him, and again, Sasuke changed course to steer her back towards the center-front of the group. This time there was nothing subtle about the way he herded her from place to place. Nothing innocuous about how he made it clear she was on a leash, and he wasn't letting her go anywhere.

_He already knows. He always keeps tabs on you. You're you._ The words continued to haunt her, and rather abruptly Sakura was reminded of a conversation she'd had with Karin years ago, just before the other kunoichi had left.

"Sucks to be you," the red-haired sensor had said, adjusting her glasses along the shallow bridge of her nose. She'd palmed the small cup of sake in front of her, before downing it in a single gulp and waving her hand in front of her face. Sakura had simply stared at her, and the other kunoichi had looked away, shamed and almost apologetic.

"Sorry," she'd mumbled, and she'd sounded like she meant it. "But I don't envy you. Really, I don't. He's too dangerous."

"He's Sasuke," Sakura deadpanned, wanting to be anywhere other than there. Karin had looked like she'd felt the same.

"Exactly," the redhead had said, and then she'd left. Sakura had never seen her again.

Karin was right. Sasuke was too much for anyone to handle, but that's what happened when you came from an incredibly aggressive, warlike clan with a propensity for madness. Simple things like _no_ and _give me space_ never factored into the equation.

* * *

 

For hours the LSF traveled deep into Kusa, moving farther into the mushroom forest until those mushrooms gave way to giant, moss-covered trees. The trees were close together, their canopies so thick the entire area was cast into shadow. Across the ground gnarled roots snaked every which way, blanketed by emerald green moss and a thick undergrowth of ferns.

Kusa had always been a quiet place, in that there was little indication of human civilization outside the hidden village itself. Only now there was **no** sound, except for the slight crunch of dead branches breaking beneath their feet as they walked. No chirp of sparrows, nor the drilling of woodpeckers; not even the whirr of cicadas, even though they were in the heart of the forest.

The silence was terrifying. They were traveling too slow and it made Sakura want to bolt. At first Sakura thought this was because of Juugo, but then she looked to her left and realized Sasuke was setting the pace of the entire group to match hers. Rage filled her, followed quickly by shame. Because of **course** Sasuke would know she wasn't feeling well, and of **course** he would draw attention to her weakness by letting them walk at a snail's pace. The shame was quickly replaced by terror when Sakura realized that by walking so slow she was putting the squad in peril. Without a word she sped up, running as fast as she thought Juugo could manage. Her chest began to ache as she did.

They ran then, for several hours at least, and still there was nothing. No rapid beating of wings as birds flitted amongst the trees, nor the rustling of animals rooting around amongst ferns that blanketed the forest floor. There was just silence. Dead silence. Everything was where it should’ve been, except all the fauna was gone. Not once were they stopped by Kusa nins, nor did they pick up on any foreign chakra signatures.

After three hours of running Sakura was finally willing to admit that something was horribly wrong. Kusa was much smaller than Konoha, but not undefended. Where was everyone? Why hadn't they been stopped, especially with Sasuke's chakra leaking everywhere?

_It can't be that bad,_ Sakura thought, but a part of her knew that it was.

She tripped, then. Not in an overly dramatic fashion, but her chest was hurting and she was having trouble breathing, and as a result the minor deviation sent her tumbling to the ground. Sakura's fear of the silence was so acute that she didn't actually feel the crippling shame that had accompanied her first fall in front of Susumu. A moment later she felt a warm hand on her arm; slim, callused fingers circling her bicep as they started to pull her off the forest floor. Sakura fought the urge to snarl as she reached over and violently slapped Sasuke's hand away.

"Don't touch me!" she said. Sasuke stopped immediately, his movements jerky as if he hadn't expected her to protest, but then he was letting go and stepping away.

"Hanabi," he murmured. A moment later Sakura felt a muted chakra presence next to hers. A pair of milky hands went to her shoulder and forearm as the younger Hyuga helped her up. Sasuke turned around and kept walking, but at a slow enough pace that the two women were not far behind.

"You don't need to," Sakura began, but Hanabi was so tight-lipped and the forest felt so wrong that Sakura immediately dropped the subject. The Hyuga stared straight ahead as they walked, her byakugan activated as they followed the rest of the group. They had fallen behind a bit, but if Sakura had thought Sasuke would leave her alone because of it, she was sadly mistake. He simply moved to the back as well, traveling no more than fifteen paces in front of them.

"How's Hotaka?" Sakura asked, even though her chest was hurting so badly it was a struggle to breathe. Hanabi didn't look at her, her brow furrowing deep enough that stress lines were beginning to form.

"Not good," she admitted quietly. "He's with Ai and Etsuko." Then rather abruptly, the woman leaned sideways to whisper into Sakura's ear, gripping her forearm. "Your heart's worse." Sakura could detect a note of fear to her tone. "I mean it. You need to stop running. Please."

In a flood of paranoia Sakura immediately looked towards Sasuke to see if he'd heard, but the Uchiha kept walking, his sandal-clad feet moving silently across the mossy ground. Sakura could feel sweat dotting her brow. She could feel the utter stillness of the woods and the strange sensation of her heart beating erratically inside her chest.

"I'm fine," she said, and then added more truthfully, "I have to be. We'll make it." Hanabi didn't seem convinced, but pressed her lips into a thin, angry line and finally withdrew. All around them the silence continued: thick, oppressive, and endless.

The LSF walked for another ten minutes before they slowed down and came to a complete halt. This time it was because of Aya. She stood at the front, Juugo's broad arm slung across her shoulders, her posture wary and alert. Her long black hair hung like a dead weight along the length of her back, her three-pronged gunbai glinting dully in the low light of the forest. In front of the platoon there was nothing but trees that seemed to go on forever, and the eerie stillness that lingered between. The emerald green moss was soft and slightly springy beneath Sakura's sandaled feet, the bark of a nearby tree rough and damp beneath her palm as she braced her hand against it. None of the LSF moved as they waited for their next order, standing like stone sentries in the twilight.

Sasuke moved to the front to stand beside Aya, tilting his head just the slightest bit to observe the darkness. Their voices were slightly muffled by the distance, but Sakura could hear them well enough.

"We shouldn't go this way," Aya was saying, her words blunt and firm. "It's too quiet."

"Do you see anything?" Sasuke asked.

Aya shook her head. "No. That's the point." She was utterly fearless around him and even though Sakura resented the woman for the way she'd treated Susumu, she couldn't help but admire her backbone when dealing with the Uchiha.

There was a moment of uneasy calm, where no one said anything and all they did was stare collectively into the ever-growing gloom.

"Hanabi," Sasuke said at last, and the Hyuga stepped forward at the sound of her name, walking up to stand beside him. While she and Sasuke began to converse Sakura leaned heavily against a nearby tree, her head and shoulder _thunking_ against the wood so she could free her hands and bring one to her chest.

_Thump, thump, ba-thump_ went her heart in the silence; loud enough that Sakura could hear the muffled beating of it in her ears. Gradually she clued into the presence of someone above her. Susumu was clinging perpendicular to the tree, hanging by chakra threads several feet over her head like a spider.

Sakura didn't say anything, nor did she look in his direction, but she felt the nin slide down the trunk and land on the moss all the same. His breath wafted ever so slightly across her bare shoulder. Then she felt Susumu's fingers slide carefully between hers as he clasped her hand from behind.

Around her the world seemed to expand and contract in a rush. Sakura's senses narrowed to the singular sensation of Susumu's fingers twining with hers. He was physically cooler than Sasuke, but also gentler. _He’s too kind,_ she thought abstractly. Then Sakura thought about his sister in Konoha and Sasuke as a child: all alone in a mildewing estate after Itachi had slaughtered their family. _The creature came from the sides_ , Sasuke had said. It came from the sides and swung around to cut off your escape. Sakura felt terror then, but none of it for herself. It wasn't Susumu's fault he was part of the LSF, or that he was loyal to Sasuke first. She shouldn't have pushed him away.

Before she could lose her nerve Sakura returned Susumu's gesture, squeezing her fingers around his. She felt him shift his weight, his breath rustling the pink hair on the top of her head before he fell still. They stayed like that for several moments, with neither of them acknowledging that the other was there beyond a clasping of fingers.

Suddenly Sasuke stepped back, rocking on his left heel as he seemed to come to a decision. Before he could turn all the way around—before Sakura could register that Susumu's hand was no longer in hers—the other nin was withdrawing, crawling back up the tree as if nothing had occurred. Sakura's gaze briefly went to his direction as he moved. When she turned back Sasuke was looking towards the rest of the group, but not at her directly. Aya **was** however, her lips pursed in a thin line as she trained her eyes to a point just above Sakura's head.

A little ways off Hanabi was talking to her cousin Hotaka. He was standing beside Ai and shaking so hard his tremors were visible from a good twenty feet away. _Shit_ , Sakura thought, pushing herself off the tree. Mentally she began to go through her list of supplies, trying to think of what to give him without knocking the other nin unconscious. He was going to break. She knew it.

"Five minutes," Sasuke said, then he turned to Ai and ordered her to do a perimeter sweep. The kunoichi darted off without a word. The rest of them settled down for a brief respite; all except for Hotaka, who was pacing back and forth and clutching at his head. Sasuke began to eye him with interest, and Sakura hastily unsealed her bigger bag of supplies from a scroll. As she did so Hanabi quickly darted over to her cousin and put her hand on his shoulder, speaking to him in low, hushed tones as she tried to convince him to sit down.

Aya made a _tch_ sound with her tongue as she took in the scene. "Hozuki!" she snapped.

Silently, Suigetsu melted out of a nearby tree and made his way towards her. When he reached the kunoichi she handed Juugo over to him, before turning back around and glaring at a spot directly above Sakura's head.

"Ueda," she said, gesturing with a quick jerk of her chin. Sakura could feel the slightest displacement of air as Susumu dropped to the ground and walked past her to speak to Aya. Sasuke ignored them both, turning around to talk to Michi, so Sakura ignored Aya too. With one of her hands still pressed to her chest, Sakura quickly made her way towards Hotaka. The forest seemed even more stagnant than before, the trees looming upwards into the darkened sky. Sakura was painfully aware of the lack of noise that permeated the woods. Even the mulch rustling beneath her feet seemed far too loud in the silence.

When she reached Hotaka Sakura saw just how badly he was shaking. His hands were trembling so violently she knew he wouldn't be able to hold a kunai, much less throw one. Hanabi had managed to get him to sit down, but it wasn't enough. The Hyuga's dark brown hair was matted, his skin so pale it was the color of bone. There was fresh blood on his fingers, and Sakura didn't remember seeing any when she'd handed him the pills hours before. His byakugan were activated to the point where spider web veins were snaking their way across his face and down his neck in an effort to maintain his bloodline.

Sakura quickly crouched down and pushed Hanabi to the side, dragging out her pack and rifling through it for the right type of meds. She wanted to put him under—she knew it was the best course of action, given his headspace—but couldn't risk it at the moment. They couldn't carry the dead weight, especially if they were going to fight, and Sakura needed to conserve her chakra.

"Was he prone to anxiety before?" she asked Hanabi. The other woman pursed her lips and shook her head. Sakura focused all her attention on the other Hyuga then, making sure to stay close but not too close, in case he lashed out.

"Hotaka," she said softly as he sat there, shivering and shaking with blood on his teeth. When he didn't respond Sakura spoke more firmly. " **Hotaka** ," she repeated. He bit down on his lip, his head jerking up as he looked in her direction.

"Do you remember who I am?" she said, as a way to distract him. Hotaka grit his teeth, sucking in a shaky breath as his eyes watered. He nodded.

"Y-yeah."

"What's my name, Hotaka?"

"H-Haruno S-Sak-kura."

"Do you remember where we're going?"

"K-Kusa, then Iwa."

"Are you going to be alright?"

Hotaka nodded once, then more vigorously, his teeth chattering audibly. He was small for a Hyuga. Fine boned and aristocratic-looking,if you took away the blood and the dark circles of insomnia around his eyes. The nin was still cognizant, which was good, but the anxiety…

"F-fine," he answered. "I-I'll b-be fine. It's just," He paused, his pale, pupil-less eyes shutting tight for a brief moment as he jigged his leg up and down on the log. "It's just the s-s-screaming. It w-won't s-s-stop –"

Sakura didn't want to bring up bad memories for him—it was a dangerous thing to do, especially now—but she had to know in order to assess just how deep the damage really was. How she could mitigate it in others for future encounters.

"How close did you get, Hotaka?" she asked him gently. The nin shuddered and moaned. Sakura finally found the pack of pills she was looking for and drew them out.

"It was r-right there," he said. "R-right there, and it w-was r-ripping them. Their s-s-skin was mel-melting–"

"Tell me about Konoha," Sakura said flatly, making sure to keep her voice nice and even. "Tell me something good. The things you like best, alright?"

"I w-w-want—but the **jubi** –"

"Tell me about Konoha." Sakura insisted, reaching over very carefully to free his hands from his hair and hold them gently between her own. "What's your favourite part?" In one of his palms she placed the pills, folding his fingers over the medication and keeping his grip steady.

"T-the Hokage M-Mountain," Hotaka began, his hand shaking violently as Sakura helped him swallow the pills. Once he did she quickly reached to her side, grabbing her water flask and uncorking it to let him drink from it. "O-on the m-m-mountains, you can s-s-see everything–"

Abruptly Hanabi stood, crossing her arms and quickly walking away. Sakura wanted to punch her for it. She needed her here with her cousin.

"Tell me about the mountain, Hotaka," Sakura soothed, massaging both his hands between hers even after he swallowed the pills. She could feel deep contusions along his palms, and realized the blood on his fingers came from him digging his nails so deep into the skin that it bled. The Hyuga whimpered and began to rock back and forth. Sakura was consumed with the urge to draw him into a hug to try and will away the terror, but knew any more physical contact would spook him.

"Y-you can s-see the village," he began, choking on his own words. "A-a-and when you s-see the s-s-sunrise, it m-makes everything look g-g-gold."

"Do you like going there, in between missions?" she asked. Hotaka nodded, but then he made a whining noise like a dying dog. He began rocking harder.

"It's n-nice, going back," he said. "This time, I t-t-told Aoi h-he c-c-could come with me. I s-said he could come, but it got him. It d-d-dissolved his leg, and there was **s-s-screaming** –"

Sakura realized he was talking about one of the LSF who hadn't made it. She wanted to cry for him, then—for the loss of those who didn't survive the assault—but didn't. She could do that later.

"Hey," Sakura said, shuffling close to try and keep his focus on her, but Hotaka withdrew one of his hands and started clutching at the side of his head. From somewhere behind them Sakura could hear Aya's voice rising as she snarled something at Susumu, but she couldn't make out the words.

"Shh, Hotaka," Sakura said. He whimpered and shut his eyes tight, rocking even harder. "You made it, alright? We're going to go back. The screaming will stop."

"It's c-coming," he gasped, rocking forward so far he nearly hit his head on Sakura's shoulder, before rising up and completing the motion again. Sakura heard the snap of a twig as someone began walking rather quickly in their direction. "It's coming, and the **s-s-screaming** –"

"Hotaka, shh, shh, it's okay –"

"The s-s-screaming, there was s-s-so much s-s-screaming, and the s-smell –"

" **Hotaka** –"

And then Sakura felt Sasuke's presence right behind her. She saw his shadow as he leaned over her and felt his hand on her arm as he quickly pushed her out of the way. Sakura recoiled, all thoughts of Hotaka gone in an instant, but almost immediately she regained control and realized that Hanabi was with him. Sasuke reached forward, roughly grabbing Hotaka's chin and forcing his head still.

"Hotaka, look up," he said, and the Hyuga did. Then the sharingan was spinning, the eternal mangekyō spiraling to life and expanding across Sasuke's eye as Hotaka stared straight into the center of it. Almost immediately he went slack, his posture limp beneath the Uchiha’s grasp.

Sakura let out a shout of fury and stood in a rush, violently pushing Sasuke away from the nin hard enough to break eye contact. Sasuke stumbled, but didn't go down. Hotaka remained slack and dead-eyed atop the fallen log.

"What are you doing?!" Sakura demanded, so shrilly that the rest of the LSF turned to look towards her. Sasuke looked up, glaring in her direction, the rinnegan swollen shut from the force of her earlier slap but the sharingan still bright and angry. It was the first time they'd looked at each other head on since she'd hit him. Sakura wanted to hit him again. Oh gods, she wanted to pound his face into the dirt.

"Keep your voice down –" Sasuke began, but Sakura was having none of it.

"How dare you," she said, her hands curling into fists and chakra flooding across her palms as she strode into his personal space, stepping between him and Hotaka. Sasuke looked down at her, looming like some sort of bloody god of death, but Sakura wasn't afraid. "How **dare** you use it on him. He needs help –"

"He's unstable," Sasuke spat, and then his chakra was flaring even worse than before, absolutely suffocating in its sheer weight as he blanketed her and everything else in the surrounding area. It made him seem even taller. "The mangekyō will keep him calm until we get back."

"It will **hurt** him," Sakura said, and she couldn't believe that they were having this conversation. She was absolutely flabbergasted that Sasuke didn't understand this fatal flaw in his plan. "You use the mangekyō too often on him, especially when he's like this, and his mind will crack –"

"I've done it before," Sasuke snapped, his hands curling into fists as he towered over her, his lips pulled back in a snarl. Sakura had to crane her head all the way back just to look him in the eye.

"Are you serious?!" she demanded.

"It works," he said defensively.

Sakura turned to Hanabi, aghast. "And you **let** him?"

Hanabi looked away guiltily, rubbing at her arm, but said nothing. Then there was a low moan as Hotaka began to whimper. Again.

"T-the s-screams," he said, as if no time had passed at all. "T-the s-s-screams, I can still, it ate h-h-his leg, and it m-m-melted–"

Sasuke blinked, his expression changing to one of mild alarm. He quickly pushed Sakura out of the way despite her protests, grabbing the Hyuga's chin and repeating the entire process. Immediately Sakura turned around, reaching out to pull him back, but Hanabi stepped in this time, stilling her hands with a painful expression.

"Wait," she said. "Please."

Again Hotaka went slack, and again there was nothing for a moment or two, before his senses cleared and he began whimpering as if nothing had happened. His sentences picked up from the exact same moment that they had left off.

"It's not working," Sasuke said slowly, almost as if he was in a trance himself. His face was blank with shock. "It doesn't stick."

Sakura didn't want to ask _why_ , but she did. She was the only medic there, and she needed to keep track of what went wrong and when.

"How close did you get exactly?"

Sasuke blinked and said nothing, dropping his hand from Hotaka's chin and stepping back. The other nin curled up and began clawing at his head. Hanabi quickly stepped forward to comfort him.

"Sasuke," Sakura repeated, but he didn't answer, seemingly still in a trance. And Sakura couldn't resist. The spite that was building inside her was too much to hold back.

"So this is how you do it?" she asked. Sasuke finally turned to her, and Sakura kept going, heedless of the consequences. "Is this how you fix people without a medic? By using the **mangekyō**?"

Sasuke glared at her fiercely, sharingan still spinning, but Sakura didn't look away. She wasn't afraid of his eyes anymore, only the sound of the birds. They stood like that for a moment, squaring off, but Sasuke didn't dignify her question with a response.

"We need to move," he said, turning away, then added "Hanabi, with Hotaka." He glanced briefly at Sakura. "Same as before."

Sakura decided she was literally one comment away from screaming. She couldn't handle him anymore. Without delay, the remaining LSF moved out.

Deeper into the woods they went, until the trees were over two-hundred feet tall and so closely spaced there was barely a meter or two of room between them. The bottoms of their massive trunks and the ground beneath were entirely covered in moss. They didn't change course, but they moved much slower than before, walking with trepidation and almost all of them with their weapons drawn. Sakura traveled between Sasuke and Aya, but the two of them were so intense that she didn't know which one made her more uncomfortable. The twins traveled right behind them.

About half an hour into their resumed walking with still no Kusa nins in sight, Suigetsu melted out of a nearby tree and ambled over to Sasuke.

"What do you think happened to them?" he asked. Everyone knew what he meant. Sasuke said nothing and Sakura decided she didn't want to know. Up ahead there was nothing but the darkness between the trees. Sasuke was still leaking chakra like a sieve, his control over it almost as bad as Naruto's had been when they were kids.

Suddenly there was a soft cry of alarm from Hanabi. Everyone stopped.

Sakura turned to look at the other woman and saw her frozen still with what looked like terror. Her byakugan were activated, her hand clenched around her kunai. Beside her, Hotaka was shaking.

"Chakra void, dead ahead." She said in a trembling voice. "Can't see anything about three-hundred yards away."

Immediately everyone turned to look at the forest.

Ahead of them there was nothing but trees and silence. The woods were so thick that Sakura lost sight of what was between them less than fifty yards away. It felt like before, though; like that time several nights back, when she'd been sitting by herself in the bamboo grove and had been overcome by the sensation that something was watching them. Beside her the Uchiha tensed, his hand going to Kusanagi's hilt and the other twitching in agitation as if he wanted to form a series of seals. In front of them there was no movement. Not even the hint of chakra.

"Fall back," Sasuke said quietly, his movements controlled and chakra suddenly muted. Everyone followed his order without question, slowly backtracking en mass through the trees. _Where are the Kusa nins?_ Sakura wondered again. In the back of her mind she knew the answer, but still didn't want to acknowledge it. Up ahead there was the sudden _snap_ of a branch from somewhere deep in the woods.

And with that, Hotaka bolted.

He made a strangled sound, darting out ahead of them **towards** the sound instead of away from it, scrambling like a madman across the moss as he swerved between the trees.

"Hotaka!" Hanabi cried, but Sakura was already ditching everything and bolting out after him. Because fuck, fuck she knew it, she knew he was going to snap, but the Hyuga was disoriented and Sasuke using the mangekyō on him had probably made things worse.

"SAKURA!" she heard someone call out—a man, it sounded like, and probably Sasuke—but she didn't stop, nor did she care. Her chest hurt as she darted into the forest after the Hyuga, her feet tearing up the too-soft moss before she finally began ricocheting off the tree trunks with chakra to increase her speed. Sakura didn't want to use her chakra for something like this, but Hotaka was fast as fuck and the terror was making him quicker. She wouldn't catch him otherwise and if Sasuke got to him first she knew he would use the mangekyō again. She **knew** it.

Hotaka's path was erratic as he darted towards the void, going straight for a bit before veering wildly to the left and then leveling out once more. "Hotaka!" Sakura pleaded. "Hotaka, wait!" All she could see was the flash of the kunai at his hip as he darted between two trees, the shimmer of his glossy hair, and then he was gone.

"Shit!" Sakura cursed. She sped up to try and catch him. The farther she ran between the trees, the thicker the silence became. There was another _snap_ from somewhere up ahead in the woods, but Sakura couldn't tell if it came from Hotaka or the creature.

Then Sasuke was there, his chakra flaring as he looped his arm around her waist and violently yanked her back. The two of them tumbled to the forest floor with the force of his gesture.

Sakura barely had time to realize that Sasuke was there before the Uchiha was scrabbling towards a tree, and dragging her with him. It was only then that she clued into other noises; a wet shuffling sound from somewhere in front of them, followed by a large _crack_ that sounded like wood breaking.

Just ahead, one of the massive trees began to fall.

Down it went, groaning in agony as its roots ripped up the earth. As it fell several other trees went with it, toppling like monolithic dominoes to hit the ground with monotonous _thuds_. Each time a tree hit Sasuke's arm tightened around her waist with the force of the impact. The Uchiha curled around her, his arm going over her head and the other around her back.

For a moment Sakura didn't care that she was pressed against him and turned her face into Sasuke’s shoulder to protect it from the falling debris. They stayed like that for the next several seconds, and when the last tree fell there was silence, intermingled with the crackle of dust and stray bark as it floated lazily to the forest floor. Sakura could hear her own ragged breathing as her chest heaved with exertion. She could feel Sasuke's arm go around her waist as he pressed his forehead to her neck. His own shoulders rose up and down with the force of his gasps.

Then Sakura realized that Sasuke was touching her. He was **touching** her, and Hotaka was still out there. She tried to pry him off, but immediately Sasuke slapped his hand over her mouth and pulled her flush against his chest, shrinking deeper into the space between the tree roots where they had fallen, his legs on either side of hers.

"Stay still," he whispered in her ear, and Sakura heard it. A wet shuffling sound, like raw meat being dragged across a chopping board. The noise was followed by a _bubbling_ , as if there was some sort of liquid frothing within a fleshy container.

Sakura could barely see in the gloom, but she could make out basic shapes well enough.

Less than twenty feet in front of them, a massive _something_ rose up on the other side of the fallen trees, roiling like a wave and undulating as it moved. It was nearly thirty feet high and immeasurably long as it snaked its way across the forest floor. Sakura thought she spied something pink as it slunk beneath a small patch of light, and there were a series of spiny thorns jutting out from the top of it, before she lost sight of it as the mass disappeared on the other side of the log. Then it rose again. Around them there was the overwhelming smell of sugar, like taking a deep whiff of overripe fruit.

Sasuke's arm tightened further around her waist as the creature passed, and without meaning to Sakura gripped his hand in reassurance—the one over her mouth—her fingers clutching his as she pressed herself against his chest in terror. Neither of them dared to move as the thing meandered on, seemingly unaware of their presence. The creature was huge. Oh gods, it was endless, and Sakura could already feel her chakra draining just by being near it.

For several minutes the two of them remained where they were until the thing began to turn away, ambling deeper into the woods. _Hotaka,_ Sakura thought abstractly. _Oh gods, Hotaka. He's still out there_. Sasuke had already begun to inch backwards, scooting over the ground on his rear and dragging Sakura with him. His never removed his arm from her waist.

Sakura let him at first, because the thing was **right there** and it hadn't seen them yet, but once they got far enough away she tried to break free without making too much noise. Sakura dug her fingers under his to try and pry them off her face, but Sasuke was too strong to defeat without chakra.

"Hotaka," she whispered when she finally managed to free her mouth, but the arm around her waist remained firm. Sasuke never stopped dragging them back. "We have to get Hotaka –"

"Not now," he said against her ear. His voice was so deep it caused vibrations to rattle through Sakura's skull. Still she kept picking at his fingers, even as Sasuke kept dragging her back. He was warm against her. If she hadn't been terrified, Sakura would have sobbed in relief at the respite that his heat brought from the chill.

"Hotaka –" she insisted, but then there was another sharp _snap_ of wood breaking from somewhere up ahead, followed by a wet reedy moan. Sasuke's arm spasmed so tightly around her middle it nearly knocked the breath out of her.

"Not now," he said out as they retreated. There was the undercurrent of desperation to his voice, his breath ragged against the shell of her ear. "Later. I promise."

Sakura bit down on her bottom lip and felt tears of impotent fury prick at her eyes, but said nothing as she let Sasuke drag her the rest of the way there. Her former teammate was a suffocating, ever-constant reminder of her past, but when he made a promise he kept it, for good or for bad. She knew he'd come back to try and find Hotaka.

When they made it to the rest of the group Hanabi was crying, silent tears coursing down her cheeks as she looked at the two of them in despair. Only then, in the presence of the others, did Sasuke let go of her. His withdrew from Sakura and stepped back. Without a word the Uchiha took Juugo from Suigetsu and then they were off, running as fast as they could without their chakra.

They fled into the forest, back the way they came. Sakura tried not to linger on the hopelessness of it.


	7. Pale Thing, Loyal Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Revised April 3, 2018

After that, they made their way back towards the border of Kusa and Ame: moving with frenetic zeal brought on by the sure promise of death.

Their eyes were wide as they peered through the gloom for any trace of danger, limbs quivering and breathing labored. The creatures were behind them and in front of them too. As they drew near to their previous position the scent of bushfire spiked. The impenetrable trees began to form into a sea of mushrooms, the forest canopy opening up. Sakura could see that the sky was black with smoke. There was a heavy layer of it lingering just above the tops of the white, gangly plants, and the air was so thin that all of them started to cough. Even Sasuke.

"Are those your flames?" Sakura asked in between muffle gasps. Sasuke shook his head, one slim hand holding the collar of his shirt over his nose, the other gripping Juugo around the waist. The large nin was pale and feverish, and as Sasuke dragged him forward the Taka member fell unconscious. Sakura supposed it was a blessing. He was in a tremendous amount of pain and there was something wrong with his wound. She didn't have time to stop and check.

About halfway to their original campsite Aya veered to the right, heading towards the northern part of Kusa's border. Sasuke automatically followed her lead, so the rest of them complied too. They didn't run towards the boundary—they didn't have enough energy for that, and they couldn't waste their chakra—but they did walk quickly, keeping low to the ground so as to not breathe in too much smoke. The entire time Sakura was overwhelmed with a sense of hopelessness.

It had started when they'd found the creature in the woods, and even though she'd tried to forget it she seemed unable to stop. The monster had been massive, and it was everywhere: fast, primeval, and able to nullify all attacks by rendering chakra useless. She'd barely seen more than a couple bony ridges and a gelatinous mass moving along the edge of a log, but everywhere she went Sakura felt trapped by it. She felt trapped by Sasuke, and by the weakness of her own body: by the expectations imposed on her as a medic nin. It was akin to drowning in a puddle of water while someone held her head to the ground. No matter how loud she screamed, no one came to save her.

After their party turned to follow Aya, they made their way through the brambles and gnarled mushrooms until the tubers eventually thinned out and gave way to grass. It wasn't raining yet, but the darkness of the sky contrasted sharply with the vibrant green of the meadow, which was intersected by an occasional mushroom standing like a sentry along the flat, desolate horizon. Between here and there there was no cover, and to the east a bright orange gleam stretched along the sky. The fire was eating its way across the landscape from Takigakure to the southernmost edge of Konoha. Sasuke's hawk Matsuba still hadn't returned. The grass was so deep it came up to Sakura's shoulders, but still she didn't feel safe. The way to Ame was clear for now, but Sakura knew and everyone else knew that just because it was clear it didn't mean that the creature wasn't out there. Given their previous encounters, it was probably lying in wait.

If they traveled farther into Ame they would find the delta system, where there was so much water there was barely any land at all. Sakura didn't want to go there—the hopelessness had become so acute it was downright debilitating—but she didn't admit it out loud. If she died she was going to do it quietly, when the others weren't in immediate danger. Crossing a massive field with zero cover was definitely not one of those times.

"Keep low," Sasuke said just before they attempted the path. "Use the mushrooms until we find cover."

No one said what was on everyone's mind: that they'd been at war with Ame before, but ever since Naruto had become Hokage they were on relatively good terms. No one had come out to greet them, just like in Kusa. Sakura smothered a scream and forced herself to move after the others.

_Faster,_ seemed to be the unspoken mantra as they moved forward, _faster, faster,_ but Sakura didn't want to move faster. She just wanted to curl up into a ball and hide.

Sakura didn't trip like she had in the forest, but by the time they stopped she wished she had, if only to knock herself unconscious. The place where they finally came to rest was going to give her nightmares, she was sure. It was completely exposed and out in the open. The only thing to distinguish it from the rest of the field was the fact that the grass was slightly higher here. If they used chakra to mask themselves it might've been bearable, but they couldn't risk it. Not when the creature seemed drawn to the source. As they quickly unsealed their supplies from various scrolls Sakura peered towards Ame. The sky was so dark with clouds that the daylight had dimmed, and on all sides there was a sea of bright green, broken by the occasional fork of lightning striking somewhere far off. If it rained there was a good chance the area would flood.

Morbidly, Sakura supposed it was better than burning alive. Burning took longer.

"Keep an eye out for ambush. If it finds you, run. Don't wait," Sasuke told the assembled crowd. Then he fled along with half of the LSF to do what Sakura assumed was a perimeter sweep, taking Aya, the twins, Suigetsu, Ai and Etsuko with him.

The others didn't make a big deal about it, so Sakura didn't either. Instead she chose to make her rounds while she still had some time.

As predicted Juugo was suffering from sepsis, which was well on its way to morphing into septic shock. The travel had been too much, and as Sakura eyed him there on the ground, pale and shivering, she decided she couldn't cope with the despair. Silently trying to stave off the sensation—using Juugo's pack to prop his head up—she fed him a cocktail of drugs in an attempt to reserve her chakra for when things got really bad. Her seal had been drained in the initial encounter, and if she ran out of energy there was no backup. Overhead there was the _crack_ of thunder, then a flash of lightning so bright everything in the area lit up. Sakura used the light to work by, imperfect as it was. As Juugo lay there on the grass she spied a weird jumping movement around his severed joint that she assumed was a muscle spasm, but when she leaned close she could detect the faintest hint of rot.

Dreading the outcome she leaned even closer, lifting away his cloak and the remains of his shirt. She violently jerked away as the odor hit her full force.

_Oh no._

"Kushimura," she said quietly. He was the nearest nin next to her. "Can you help me for a moment?"

Without a word the former Iwa nin shuffled over to crouch beside her. He was as gangly and blond as Deidara had been, with his long hair pulled into a ponytail and the bottom half of his face hidden by a mask. Absently Sakura gestured towards Juugo's head, even as another _crack_ split the sky. A rumble went through the ground when the lightning hit. Sakura shivered.

"Can you hold his other shoulder down?" she asked, pointing to where Kushimura should sit. "I need to make sure he doesn't move. It might… it will get painful."

Kushimura obliged, shifting around so he was crouched behind Juugo's head and pressing one hand to his uninjured shoulder. The other went to the larger nin's forehead. Juugo didn't move. Without delay Sakura took a kunai to his shirt, slicing it open along the side. The smell hit her with such strength she gagged. The odor was far worse than anything you would get with septic shock, and if that was what was causing it, it shouldn't have been at this stage. Sakura didn't want to look under the bandages. For once she was terrified of being a medic. Across the horizon there was a flash of sheet lightning.

"Juugo," Sakura said softly, trying to get his attention. When he didn't move Sakura put her hand to his cheek, giving it a light tap. He startled violently, opening his eyes, and Sakura was shocked to see that they were glazed over like a corpse's as if he were already dead.

_Oh no. No, no, no. Don't think about it. Don't think about the bodies—_

"Juugo, can you hear me?" she repeated, her voice shaking audibly. Juugo made a soft gurgling sound that was full of fluid. "I just have to check your shoulder. But I can't… I can't put you under, understand? I need you awake. It will hurt a bit, but it will be over soon." Juugo let out another wet rasping gurgle. Sakura tried to smile for him, but failed. "Kushimura's here too, okay? He's going to help."

In response the ex-Iwa nin squeeze Juugo's good shoulder. Sakura could feel several pairs of eyes watching them from various points around their makeshift camp, but the rest of the LSF made no move to interfere. Quickly removing a thick roll of gauze from her pack, she wadded it up several times over before handing it to Kushimura. He took it without compunction.

"Make sure he bites down," she said, her words nearly lost to a peal of thunder. The storm was moving closer. Sakura didn't look over as Kushimura took the gauze, nor did she flinch when Juugo made a moaning sound while the other nin shoved the gag between his teeth. She began to remove his bandages, and almost immediately she was hit with a sickly sweet smell. Kushimura coughed.

It was the stench of rotting fruit left out in the sun: the kind that attracted mold and flies. Absently Sakura felt a presence come to stand behind her, and realized it was Susumu. She ignored him.

"Hold him steady," Sakura reiterated. Kushimura nodded as she got back to work. She'd barely gotten past the first layer of bandages before they began turning dark red, and by the third layer in they were sticky with a gelatinous kind of goo that made a _squelching_ sound as she peeled them off. Juugo whimpered but did nothing else, and Sakura could feel her own heart rate increase as a result. The goo wasn't blood, nor was it anything she was used to seeing. Then she was peeling back the final layer of bandages, and when she did Sakura gagged and tried not to scream.

Beneath the wrap Juugo's wound had completely reopened. From the open, rotting hole dripped a clear, reddish liquid, mixed with the puss of infection and dozens of squirming things that looked like maggots. They were eating away at his flesh. Around his wound his skin was covered with boils.

Sakura thought of Naruto at the ramen bar, his noodles turning to worms and the way his teeth had crunched through bits of bone. Before she could stop herself she was turning around and gagging hard enough to vomit, but her stomach was so empty that nothing came out.

There was the brief patter of sandals rustling through the long grass. Sakura felt a hand on her shoulder, making sure she didn't fall all the way over. _Susumu._

"Sakura," he said softly, full of concern. She didn't answer.

"What the **fuck**?" spat Kushimura. It was the first time Sakura had heard him speak. There was a fog in her ears, and when the lightning flashed it lit up Juugo's glistening wound like a cross section of piebald ham; all bone and muscle and the ever-present larva, circling around each other in rings.

"Bowl," Sakura said through her teeth. Her hand gripping Susumu's to get his attention. "Get me a bowl. The metal one. Should… should be in my pack."

Without a word the tattooed nin moved away and crouched beside her satchel, ripping it open as he began to rifle through the contents. His expression was very much like the one he had sported in the bamboo grove before the creature had found them: calm, and eerily blank. Kushimura stayed where he was, one hand pressed to Juugo's shoulder and the other held against his nose. Juugo just lay there, dead-eyed and gurgling, his reopened wound giving off a hideous scent like rotting oranges. Sakura tried her best to get a hold of herself. There would be time for her own horror later.

"It's okay," she said through her teeth, trying to ignore the stench; the way that Juugo stayed still as she peeled away the rest of the bandages. "It's okay, Juugo. I'll fix it."

One of the boils near his wound popped and began oozing. Sakura choked back another dry heave. She didn't know how to fix this. She did, technically, but she didn't know what was causing it or if she could stop it. Septic shock she understood, but rot to the point where he was being eaten by maggots, and boils like the plague? He shouldn't have had anything that bad so soon, especially with medical treatment. Oh gods, what if it was contagious? What if everyone else who had been injured by the creature came down with other symptoms, too?

_Sasuke_ , Sakura though, _Sasuke, Suigetsu, and Aya. They were ripped open. They haven't come back._

"The metal one?" Susumu asked from somewhere over her shoulder. Sakura nodded, sticking out her hand in anticipation.

"Yeah, the metal one."

He handed it to her. Sasuke and Suigetsu would want to say goodbye before Juugo died, Sakura thought, then amended _if_ as she began to desperately draw the insects out of his skin with chakra. The maggots made a _plop-plip-plap_ sound as she deposited them into the metal container.

"Does rot usually set in this quickly?" Kushimura asked. Sakura shook her head, her lips pressed together in a line. Overhead the thunder got worse. Every now and then a gust of wind would make its way across the field, causing the reeds to rustle and the grass to flatten in waves. Sakura worked on Juugo until the rain began to come down in spitting bursts, dampening her head and the tops of her arms. When it did she handed over the bowl and told Susumu to burn the squirming maggots to a crisp with a weak fire jutsu, before shoving the remains aside.

"Bandages," she said, holding her shaking hand out to the nin. He gave them to her. Sakura re-bandaged Juugo's wound, trying to avoid what boils she could, but the marks were spreading and she had a terrible feeling that the insects would be back within hours. Briefly, Sakura considered using one of her summons to transport Juugo back to Konoha in the hopes of better care, but she didn't know how he'd react to it or if what was happening to him was contagious. The strange boils spoke of some sort of disease—a rapid one—and she couldn't risk an outbreak in the village. He might even lead the creature back to Konoha.

_Creatures,_ she amended shakily as she tucked in the end of Juugo's bandages. _There's more than one._

Along the horizon deep into Ame a large _clap_ of thunder sounded. Making sure his head was still propped on his pack, Sakura covered Juugo with his cloak and bent one of his legs, rolling him carefully onto his side so he could rest without choking on his own spit and vomit. Then she beckoned Kushimura over.

"Here," she said, trying to keep her eyes from focusing on anything in particular. If she didn't focus, she couldn't see the worms. "H-here, you too."

"Why?" he said suspiciously. Sakura still ushered him closer.

"I have to check," she choked out. "Make sure it's not spreading."

"I thought he just lost an arm." Kushimura's default reaction to panic seemed to be one of anger. Sakura could hear it in his voice.

"It might spread through contact," she admitted, even though she didn't know what _it_ was, then added, "I don't know. Did you touch it?" Kushimura violently shook his head, but he'd been on the front line with the others. Sakura was undeterred. "Let me check anyways," she insisted. "We… we have to be safe."

Kushimura gave in quickly; frantically stripping himself of his shirt and mask and anything else he still had on him until he was sitting in nothing but his underwear. Sakura had to forcibly tell him to stop. When he did he sat there, tense and compulsively scratching at his arms as he waited for inspection. Gods, did Sakura know that feeling.

"Me too?" Susumu asked. Although his eerie calm was still present, Sakura detected a note of fear. She shook her head.

"No," she mumbled. "You weren't near it. Watch Juugo." He did.

Sakura examined Kushimura under the deepening twilight, quickly running her hands over his limbs and checking his back and under his armpits for any sign of boils. She then used her chakra to do a deeper examination. The ex-Iwa nin was skinny as a beanpole and covered in bruising, but Sakura saw nothing to indicate that he was getting sick like Juugo. Most of the LSF who'd been injured were on patrol with Sasuke, and just thinking about it made Sakura's insides tie themselves into knots. She needed to check them now while there was still a bit of light.

"Any idea when the others will get back?" she asked over the increasingly loud patter of the rain. Kushimura shook his head as he shrugged his shirt back on. He hastily pulled his mask over his nose.

"No," he said, his voice muffled. Sakura nodded and didn't say anything more on the subject, but before Kushimura could dart away she motioned him forward again. "I need you to watch Juugo," she said. "At least until the others get back. Make sure he doesn't start choking, and doesn't get too wet from the rain. If he starts looking worse, call me. I'm going to finish my rounds."

Kushimura nodded. Sakura immediately got up and left. She didn't look at Susumu, stopping only briefly to grab her pack from his proffered hands. The hopelessness was so deep she was all but drowning in it. She could barely find it in her to keep moving.

Quickly Sakura went to see to the others. Because they were so closely spaced within the camp it didn't take her long. Yamamori was fine, although the way his pale face reflected the light like a porcelain mask reminded her too much of Haku. Jin was good, and so was Michi, albeit highly adverse to physical contact and downright skittish of her hands.

Sakura knew that Hanabi had never come into direct contact with the creature, and as such she planned to leave her alone. Only when she passed by the other kunoichi she found her sitting with her knees bent, her arms braced atop them and crying so hard her cheeks were turning red. She'd been crying all day, really, ever since Hotaka, and Sakura didn't know when she'd stop. She crouched beside the Hyuga. Above them the thunder _boomed_ and the rain came down in torrents, water dampening their exposed heads to drip off their noses. Sakura began shivering. It would be a miserable night.

"Want a pill?" she asked Hanabi, the words _for the anxiety_ lingering between them. Sakura didn't ask if things were all right because she knew they weren't, and useless platitudes were sort of insulting.

The Hyuga didn't look up, staring at the ground as it turned to mud between her toes, her long chestnut hair coming loose from its ponytail. She hadn't brushed it in awhile and it was beginning to look somewhat matted. "I don't know what to tell otousan," she mumbled in a deadened monotone. "He's good friends with Hotaka's family. It's going to kill them."

Sakura ran a hand over her face to clear it of water, trying not to think of how badly her hands were shaking even as a flash of lightning rippled overhead. She was barely holding together herself, and she didn't know if she could handle this sort of conversation. "It's not the first time someone from your clan's been lost," she reasoned. It was a cruel way to go about the conversation, but she didn't know how else to end it. Sakura was too tired to beat around the bush. Sasuke made her feel like she was drowning, but she'd rather drown in something familiar, and right now she wished he was back with the rest of his squad.

Hanabi shook her head, running her hands over her own face as her tears intermingled with the rain.

"No," she said. Even in the depths of her abject misery there was something very regal about her features. She looked more like Neji than her sister, Sakura decided, and the resemblance hurt. "It's not the same. He was **murdered**."

Murder was a very apt way to describe it. It was inherently brutal, the way the LSF were going down, and in truth Sakura found it infinitely more horrifying than the war. She wanted to tell Hanabi that there was a chance that Hotaka was still alive, but she knew Hanabi wouldn't believe her and she didn't really believe herself. They had abandoned him, she and Sasuke. And she'd promised not to.

_You're a coward._ Sakura almost strangled herself on her own ineptitude. _Think of the others,_ but there were so few others left. Sakura put a shaky hand on Hanabi's arm, squeezing slightly as she looked away. The rainwater was a constant irritant as it dripped off the tip of her nose. She hated Ame. She hated the rain and she hated the birds.

"You'll be fine," she said. "You will." It took everything she had to keep her voice from cracking, but Hanabi was so far into the depths of her own misery that she didn't pick up on Sakura's. Sakura left her, but she didn't get far.

She'd been meaning to go back to Juugo, but she was barely fifteen feet away before she was forced to sink back to the ground. Sakura clutched at her head as she sat where she fell, curling in on herself as she fought the vertigo that was threatening to overwhelm her. She felt so sick. She was soaked through, her pale hair plastered to her forehead and sticking to her neck in tendrils. Once again she wished for her coat, but it had been lost in the bamboo grove along with their comrades.

_Breathe_ , she reminded herself, _just breathe,_ but fuck did she feel dizzy, and remembering the way that Juugo's wound had squirmed with maggots was making her want to hurl.

For a second there was a break in the rain. Sakura felt a blanket being draped over her back, then she saw a pair of nin sandals and bright red toenails as Susumu crouched in front of her. Sakura pulled the blanket tighter around herself, trying to take warmth from it, but it was hard. She was so cold.

"Is Juugo okay?" Sakura mumbled, rubbing a hand over her face. Susumu nodded. Sakura sighed and kept her palm pressed to her forehead, cracking her eyes open a bit to watch as the Anbu continued rooting around in his satchel. His usually fluffy hair was plastered to his head with rainwater, his white haori sticking to his shoulders and the contours of his chest like a second skin. Susumu was shivering visibly, and Sakura realized that the blanket he'd draped over her shoulders was his own. She began to remove it to try and give it back.

"Here," she said, trying to still the audible chattering of her teeth, but she was unsuccessful. Susumu shook his head and stopped rooting through his satchel long enough to push the blanket back into her hands.

"You need it more," he said simply.

Sakura wasn't willing to argue the point, so she didn't. She tried not to think of the parallels between this conversation and the last one they'd had, before the creature had found them and everything had gone to hell. _Be constructive_ , she told herself, huddling back into the fabric for warmth. Sakura gestured to her own pack, lying discarded and just out of arms' reach. She still had to help Juugo.

"Can you reach into my pack and grab the other blanket for me?" she said. Susumu stopped rummaging around and reached over to her satchel, his slender fingers sifting through the medical supplies. When he found the fabric he pulled it out and leaned forward to give it to her, his eyes wide and expectant, but Sakura shook her head.

"Juugo," she mumbled. "Juugo needs it. He can't get a fever." Then she added somewhat sheepishly, "sorry, m'sorry, I would do it, but I'm—"

"It's okay," Susumu said quickly. Sakura nodded numbly, fighting to keep back the drowning sensation and the buzzing in her ears. She was having a hard time concentrating from one minute to the next, and she couldn't tell if she was actually sick or if it was just her anxiety rising up to kill her. Gods, wouldn't that have been fucking ironic. The timing couldn't have been worse.

She didn't hear Susumu get up, but Sakura knew he had. The thunder crackled, and then the rain was coming down in a deluge, whistling against the tall green grass as it fell in undulating waves. Rain. Nothing but the rain, and exposure. Sakura didn't know what made her more miserable: sitting out in the open under a torrent or hiding in the suffocating old growth of Kusa. She remained where she was for a few more minutes, huddled beneath the blanket. Sakura didn't realize that Susumu had returned until she felt his hand on her shoulder, and then she knew there was something wrong, because he was crouched barely a foot away and she hadn't even heard him.

"I think m'sick," she admitted as the rain dripped down her forehead. Her hands shook against the fabric. She still had to do a thorough chakra check, but was pretty certain even without it. Sakura wasn't looking forward to the fallout with Sasuke. He'd never let her forget the error because he'd warned her.

"Want to eat something?" Susumu asked. "Maybe you'll feel better, then." He held a nutrition bar in his other hand, his upturned palm collecting rainwater as he waited for her to take it. Sakura's mind flew to Juugo: to the maggots squirming inside his shoulder and the worms wriggling in Naruto's bowl. Before she could help herself her stomach was lurching and Sakura was gagging, slapping a hand over her mouth as she quickly turned away. Her back arched, her limbs in agony, and the sudden jerking motion of her head had her feeling so dizzy she nearly fell over. Before she could Susumu moved his hand down to clutch her upper arm.

"Sakura," he urged, shuffling closer. Sakura shook her head and wouldn't look at it. "Sakura-san, **please** —"

"Not right now," she all but begged from behind her hand. There was water beading in her eyelashes, making it hard to see. Susumu's face was a white and red blur before her. "Juugo's arm, I can't—I feel sick."

"You'll feel better if you eat," Susumu insisted, far too quickly. "You will, I promise." He looked like a cat that had been doused in bathwater, twice as skinny with his clothes sticking to his skin. "Sakura."

"I can't."

"I won't tell Uchiha-san what happened," he said, moving closer until their foreheads were almost touching, the nutrition bar held between them. "I promise. You just… you just have to eat. Just a bit. Until we get to Ame." Sakura tried to move away, but he wouldn't let her. The others were too close for her to run without causing a scene.

"Let go," she insisted. Susumu shook his head and bit his bottom lip, pushing the food towards her.

"If you don't take it, Uchiha-san will make you do it," he blurted out. "He won't wait any longer. Please, just this once. I know you're nervous around him, I saw—"

Sakura's heart dropped. "What does Sasuke have to do with **any** of this?" she demanded. "Why are you watching me all the time?"

"Because Uchiha-san told me to," Susumu said without compunction, his eyes wide and almost innocent in their lack of guile. "I gave him my word." Before Sakura could recover from the confession the pale nin scooted forward to protect their hands from the rain, slicing off the top of the packaging with his nails. He held the now-opened nutrition bar in her direction.

"Please, Sakura," he begged. "Uchiha-san will force you, otherwise."

Sakura understood none of what was being said except that she knew that Sasuke would. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she ripped the bar out of Susumu's hand and wolfed it down before her brain could process that she was actually eating. Susumu remained crouched beside her, so close they were almost touching. When she finished the nutrition bar Sakura sat there beneath the blanket, slicking her hair away from her forehead with a weak hand as she let her tears mingle with the rain. She didn't care if Susumu saw. He'd seen worse, anyways.

"So you like Sasuke," she said. She'd come to the realization that Susumu really liked Sasuke, somewhere in between the first bite of torture and the next. The tone of his words were too specific for her not to pick up on it. The pale nin rested his head on his knees, nodding dumbly as he stared in the general direction of her lap. Gods, he looked so small in the rain. So thin, and miserable.

"Yes," he said absently. His voice sounded very, very far away. "Very much."

"Why?"

"When I came to Konoha he treated me better than the others," he said, still staring towards her lap. "He was nice." Susumu paused delicately, then added almost as an afterthought "but he makes you sad, so I get worried."

_Sasuke's creature,_ Sakura thought, and she was so torn by it, because Susumu was sweet and kind and ridiculously gentle, but an uncomfortable picture was beginning to form inside her head. Susumu watched from beneath white-blond eyelashes. He said nothing.

"So you watch me because Sasuke told you to." Susumu nodded and Sakura felt sicker. She'd almost trusted him. How could she not? He was so nice and he was nothing like Sasuke, but he seemed to feel no shame about the action. "Why?" A slim hand extended, pale fingers reaching for hers. Sakura drew her hand away and wouldn't let him hold it. Susumu quickly withdrew and hid his arms between his knees and his chest. He didn't try again.

" **Why**?" Sakura insisted. A flash of lightning blanketed the sky, and in the glare of it Susumu's tattooed face was skull-like.

"You should ask Uchiha-san when he gets back," he said. Then he added, "You shouldn't hit him. He didn't mean it. He's just bad with words."

"He was insulting you," Sakura said over the fall of the rain. Susumu shook his head, his fingers curling into fists against his chest.

"He wasn't," he insisted. There was befuddled apprehension in his eyes, as if he were having a hard time understanding why she was so confused in the first place. "He's just stressed. Please, Sakura-san. He worries about you and the Hokage all the time."

Sakura didn't understand it. It hurt her head just to try and wrap her mind around the concept. She had no idea what was going on between Sasuke and the rest of the LSF. "Why are you so forgiving?" she asked. She wanted to say _why are you so loyal,_ but it felt less like loyalty and more like something else, only she didn't really have the words for it.

"Because we're the same," Susumu said. Sakura couldn't make heads or tails of the statement in turn. She didn't want to. Above them, the lightning flickered.


	8. This Tenuous Despair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Revised April 3, 2018

When Sasuke and the others returned they were just as soaking wet as the rest of them. The sun had set and the storm was out in full force, taking what little light there had been with it.

After her confrontation with Susumu, Sakura had gone back to sitting by Juugo's side. When the LSF slipped into camp she was sitting in a puddle beneath the blanket, shivering so badly it was almost to the point of spasms as she used her own chakra to stave off hypothermia. With Kushimura's help, she'd tried to keep Juugo dry by using the other nin's cloak as a tarp. It was too wet to start a fire, and without ample aid from their chakra the whole lot of them were useless. Sakura didn't say much when Sasuke approached, except to tell him in a deadened monotone just how badly Juugo had deteriorated. The Uchiha stood over him, looking down, his feet braced and his dark hair plastered to his head with rainwater. In the darkness his skin was white as a ghost's, the sharingan glowing red.

Juugo would probably die, Sakura told him. He was rotting alive and without access to a proper medical facility the former Taka nin was done for. She had to check them too, to make sure they weren't infected. She was sorry she couldn't do more.

Sasuke stared down at the larger nin as the rain dripped off his nose. Beside him, Suigetsu started twitching. His lips twisted, drawing back to reveal abnormally sharp teeth. Then he was fisting his hands in his matted white hair and stumbling back, jaw clenched and face scrunched up with the force of his frustration.

"Fuck," Suigetsu ground out. Sasuke paid no attention to him; he just kept on staring at Juugo like a reaper, waiting for the last breath of life so he could whisk his victim away. " **Fuck**!" Suigetsu screamed. He turned around to let out a vicious, incoherent yell as he angrily kicked at the grass. When that brought him no relief he un-shouldering his sword and threw it like a boomerang into the rushes with unbridled grief, clutching fiercely at his head.

"Hozuki!" Aya snapped, but Suigetsu wasn't listening. Muttering under his breath, he stormed off into the field and disappeared, sans sword.

"Well, that went well," Michi quipped. Aya uttered a _tch_ sound that made it clear that he was supposed to keep his mouth shut. Sasuke continued staring. Juugo kept on lying there, oblivious to all. Aya gazed at the two of them for a few moments more, then ran her right hand over her face, slicking off the excess rainwater even as she told Michi to go fetch Suigetsu. The nin sneered, folding his thin hands over his chest. His sandy hair had turned dark with the water, plastered in rivulets to his temples.

"It's not my turn," he said, but Aya wasn't giving in.

"It is now."

"It's not my turn!" Michi insisted, his voice rising to a whine. "If Hozuki wants to go off and get himself killed, he's more than welcome to. I'm not going back out there!"

"Michi, don't be selfish," Etsuko sighed. Before Michi could respond Susumu was standing and going after Suigetsu, moving like a drowned wraith through the grass. Aya glared, but it was Ai who spoke first.

"Now see what you did?" she snapped. Michi huddled up further.

Sakura didn't know what was going on—the closer she got to the LSF, the weirder their dynamic became—but at the moment she didn't care. She watched Sasuke, shivering violently and teeth chattering as she huddled beneath Susumu's blanket. It was so hard to get warm. Eventually Sasuke kneeled beside Juugo, holding himself very carefully as if he were in a great amount of pain. His shoulders slumped with exhaustion but his posture was rigid, almost jerky. Slowly he reached out, lifting the tarp so he could get a good look at Juugo's face. He ran a water-logged hand over the other nin's forehead, pushing back orange hair and slowly tracing his features with a surprising amount of delicacy. The sharingan kept glowing, the pinwheel spinning. His other eye was swollen shut. The entire thing seemed almost ritualistic and downright morbid to watch. It was as if he were trying to memorize the other nin right before they cremated him, and in a way Sakura supposed that was true.

"Can I move him?" Sasuke asked, his deep voice muffled by the constant patter of the rain.

"I wouldn't recommend it," Sakura said. Then she remembered the rot—how Juugo seemed to get worse minute by minute—and decided it wouldn't make a difference. "It won't matter," she amended. "Just be careful. He was in a lot of pain." Aya eyed them hawkishly. Sakura could feel her gaze drilling holes into the top of her head but desperately tried to ignore her.

Sasuke leaned over his former teammate. He slid his hands beneath Juugo's cumbersome body, carefully picking him off the sodden ground so he was in an upright position and leaning against his chest. The Uchiha wrapped his arm around his lower back, using his left hand to shield Juugo's face from the rain. Juugo slumped against him, his mouth slack and eyes closed. The entire time he didn't wake, but for a brief second Sakura wished he would, if only to give Sasuke something to focus on. The way he just sat there, cradling Juugo, and the understated sort misery that was radiating off of him was so unnerving that Sakura had to look away.

_It's wrong,_ she though, but Sasuke was right there and Juugo was dying. _He shouldn't care that much._ But he did.

Sakura felt a hand on her arm, fingers curling around her bicep covered by the blanket. She turned to see Aya standing beside her, slowly pulling her up.

"Come on," she said. Her voice was terse; her gaze was focused on Sasuke for once. "Let's get you fixed up." It was a ruse, but Sakura followed, letting Aya drag her along. It hurt too much to watch Sasuke grieving and she had to check the Kunoichi over in the meantime.

Aya led her far enough away that they were out of earshot, but still within visual range of the others. When they stopped she un-shouldered her gunbai, sticking it butt first into the mud with an angry sort of ease. Afterwards she unsealed her supply scroll, gesturing for Sakura to sit down again, which she did. Sakura put a hand to her forehead, trying to will away the fogginess that resided there as thunder boomed. Aya's black hair lit up like an oil slick under flashes of lightning. Once her scroll was unsealed she sat next to Sakura, ripping open her nutrition bar with more force than necessary and violently biting into her rations. Sakura felt sick just watching her. She knew that Aya knew she felt sick, and she knew that she didn't care. Nothing got past her. The kunoichi was a hard woman.

"So you may be Uchiha's former teammate," Aya began without preamble, speaking through a mouthful of food. "But if you hit him again I'm going to separate your head from your neck."

Sakura hated her. She already blamed herself for everything anyways, but not that, and to have one of Sasuke's underlings tell her off was utterly unpalatable.

"Right to the point, aren't you?" she tried to snap, but her teeth were chattering so badly there was no force behind it. Aya continued eating.

"Platitudes are useless out here," she deadpanned. "You follow orders or you die. I don't care if you do, but Uchiha does. We need him functioning."

"Don't like me much, do you?" Sakura said. Aya shook her head in the negative and spoke through another mouthful of food.

"You misunderstand me," she said. "I dislike disorder. We work as a unit. When you don't fall in line people get killed." The assessment was true and it burned. "When you question the Captain, things get worse."

Sakura looked towards Sasuke sitting like a doll in the mud, and decided things were well on their way to being FUBAR without her.

"Ueda, he's young," Aya said, and suddenly Sakura was tensing for a whole new reason. She didn't look at the other kunoichi as she spoke. "Soft, you see? Always has been. Never should have been a shinobi but he's a clan brat. Clan brats always end up killing. He's got a good bloodline and he's loyal. That's useful out here."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"So you'll know what to do in case I'm the next one to die." There was a cruel sort of calculus in the way she talked about her own death; as if it wasn't a sure thing but if it happened she wasn't bothered by the prospect. "Uchiha won't tell you. He babies you. Someone has to say it."

" **Don't** ," Sakura snapped, but Aya remained unaffected, finishing off the last bits of her nutrition bar and tossing away the paper. She pushed her sopping wet hair from her face. Sheet lightning flashed. Around them the wind whistled through the field, making the grass undulate and flatten.

"Point is," Aya continued, utterly unaffected and speaking loudly to be heard over the storm. "Unless you shape up you're a distraction, and Ueda gets distracted an awful lot. I won't have you killing him through carelessness. Get your shit together, you hear? You're better than this. Us kunoichi have to be. Don't give the others a reason to look down on you."

Sakura wanted to slap Aya silly and rip out her long glossy hair, but she didn't. The other nin was right. She hated herself in that moment, because even though the kunoichi had a point it was so hard to work towards it. She was so tired. "How's your wound?" Sakura asked, desperate for a change of topic. Aya shrugged nonchalantly.

"Leg's a bit stiff, but nothing I can't manage."

"No fever?"

"No."

"What did you see out there?"

Aya pulled out a kunai to sharpen it, even though the rain was coming down in waves. There was a frenetic sort of energy about her that was strangely contained. Always, she seemed to be busy. "There's more than one," she said, confirming Sakura's worst fears. When she added "we're surrounded," Sakura felt like dying. "No matter which way we go we're going to run into them. I don't think they know we're here and personally I don't think they care. But if we get close they'll spot us. Chakra is a dead giveaway." Aya paused, as if thinking. "When we get close to Ame we're gonna have to run for sure."

Sakura covered her face more firmly with her hands, shivering beneath her blanket. When she felt a heavy weight across her shoulders she peaked from between her fingers to see Aya covering her with her own blanket, just like Susumu. She wanted to ask why because Aya didn't seem the sentimental sort, but decided to remain silent. She tried to draw a bit more strength from its warmth.

"Do you even think Ame's still there?" Sakura said, voicing her deepest fear. The sound Aya made was a snort of disbelief.

"Do you think Kusa is?" she asked. Sakura remembered the silence of the forest, the lack of nins, and knew that was answer enough. After that, they said nothing to each other. Eventually Susumu returned to the camp with Suigetsu in tow. Sakura watched from a safe distance as the former Taka member came to stand beside Sasuke and Juugo. His posture was listless. Susumu stepped back to give Suigetsu some space. His gaze roved around the camp before finally coming to rest on her.

Susumu's shoulders went rigid when he took in her proximity to Aya. Then he seemed to relax, gracefully drifting into the long grass to disappear from view. Sakura was torn between wanting to talk to him and never wanting to see him again. _Sasuke's creature,_ the words repeated in her head, but the LSF were all Sasuke's creatures: an extension of him, like lethal limbs attached to a very damaged brain. Suigetsu crouched beside Sasuke, and even though there was something reluctant about the movement his lips drew back in a painful mockery of a smile. He began to talk. Sasuke blinked, slowly cluing in to the other nin's presence; it was the first time that he'd moved since picking up Juugo. As he spoke Suigetsu put his hand on Sasuke's shoulder and the Uchiha finally shifted the larger nin in his arms and handed him off, albeit reluctantly.

Suigetsu took Juugo readily enough, putting him back on the ground and covering him up with the tarp. Sakura looked down and tried to pretend that Sasuke wasn't moving towards her, but then Aya was standing and making herself scarce and Sasuke was there.

His feet were splattered with mud, the nin bandages that were wrapped around his calves soaked through with the rain. It was all Sakura could see for a moment, as she refused to look up, but Sasuke squatted in front of her, his hands slack as he draped his arms across his bent knees. Up close he was all black and white, and if he she hadn't known who he was Sakura would have found him to be lovely. The stark contrast between his skin and his hair suited him well, even ragged as it was, but there were bags of exhaustion under his eyes and one half of his face swollen from where she'd slapped him.

"Can you do something for him?" he mumbled. Sakura felt her heart break just a bit. She sat there, shivering beneath Susumu's blanket.

"Not really," she admitted. Her own ineptitude hurt. "I don't have the right tools out here and he's fading too quickly."

"Is it chakra?" he asked. For a moment Sakura didn't understand.

"Pardon?"

"Is it chakra?" he repeated. He wouldn't look at her. His shirt was plastered to his broad shoulders, and it was raining so hard there was water running from the tips of his fingers. "If I gave you some of mine, would it work?"

Sakura felt her stomach roil at the thought of coming into contact with Sasuke's chakra in such an intimate manner, but managed to gain a hold of her emotions and quickly shook her head. In the back of her mind the question was nagging, however, and it was hard to concentrate on anything else. _Susumu. What did you tell him to do?_

"No," she said. She managed to keep her voice relatively steady. "It's not so much a question of chakra so much as that he's fading too fast for me to figure out what's wrong." She paused, and then added, "the worms were eating him." Sasuke's head remained bowed, his arms slack as he let himself get soaked by the rainwater. He looked too much like he had that day when she'd first come across him kneeling before her parents' memorial.

"Please," he finally choked out. Sakura's heart officially cracked. She could hear the loud _snap_ in her ears; the tinkling of porcelain pieces scattering across a non-existent floor.

"I'm trying," she said. Sasuke reached up and rubbed his swollen eye with the flat of his palm. "I'm trying, I really am, but we need to be realistic—"

"Please," he repeated, bowing his head even further. "Please. I'm sorry I said those things. I was wrong." Sakura felt ill in a way that had nothing to do with how foggy her head was or how badly she was shivering.

"Do you seriously believe that?" she said. "Do you think I would let him die because I'm mad at you?" Sasuke didn't respond, and his silence spoke volumes. All Sakura could focus on was how defeated his posture looked; how tired he seemed and how he wouldn't stop rubbing at his eye.

"Stop," she said, reaching out with a shaking hand to grab his, her teeth chattering. "Just stop, okay?" She pulled his hand back from his eye, putting her own to the swollen side of his face as a green glow crept over her fingers. "I don't—we'll talk about it later. When we get back." It was the hardest thing she'd had to say in years. It **burned** to say, because Sakura was so far from okay with what he'd said and what he'd done that she never wanted to apologize for anything, but Aya was right. The others could be killed through her carelessness. She'd bite the bullet for them if she had to.

Sasuke stayed quiet, sagging into her grip. The lightning flashed, and each time it did the bruising on his face lessened.

"Ame might have something," Sakura said, her thoughts meandering back to Juugo. Another _crack_ of thunder sounded. She didn't want to give him hope where there was none, and things were so hopeless at the moment, but the medic in her refused to be silenced. "If we move quickly maybe we can find an outpost and more supplies. It might be enough to stave off the infection." Sakura was very careful with how she worded the next bit. "I can't go, though. I mean, not at the same time." She sensed Sasuke's attention on her, inescapable and stifling. "I'm… I'm too slow. I'm sick."

There was a moment of heavy silence, where all she could hear was the patter of the rain. Then Sasuke's hands came up. Slim, callused fingers unfurled on either side of her face to tentatively slide across her cheeks and cup themselves behind her ears. He pressed his thumbs to her temples. Sakura shivered violently at the contact. She avoided Sasuke's gaze as her mind back flashed to an earlier time: a time when they were both too young and covered in blood, her parents' mangled bodies lying in the room beside them.

She didn't draw back all the way, but Sakura did draw in, hunching her shoulders defensively as she finished healing the left side of his face. The silence was unbearable as she waited for Sasuke to make some sort of sniping comment—something to drive home her mistake and make her feel like dirt—but oddly, he didn't.

"Do you still have the boosters?" he asked. His voice was hoarse. Sakura blinked numbly, thrown off by his line of questioning. When she finally realized what he was asking she bit her lip, nodding her head between his hands. She still wouldn't look him in the eye. It wasn't that she was afraid of the sharingan, but something felt off about his quiet acceptance of her admittance—about just how close he was to her—and it put her decidedly on edge.

"Yeah," she said, withdrawing her hand from his face. "But I can't keep taking them. They're too hard on my system. What I really need is rest and my chakra to fix it. I need to conserve it for Juugo, though. The others, too."

"Okay," Sasuke said. He rocked forward on his heels, still crouching, and a moment later Sakura felt his forehead _thunk_ softly against hers, wet with rainwater and partially covered by his hair. His hands curled deeper around her face, their noses so close they were touching. It was as if they hadn't gotten into an argument at all—as if they **hadn't** spent the past eight years avoiding each other like cockroaches—and it was too much, too soon. Sakura flinched violently, drawing her hands close to her chest and huddling in on herself, but Sasuke huddled with her, never letting go.

"Sakura," he began.

"You're too close," Sakura mumbled. It was a pitifully weak response, but she felt like she had to say it. Her chest hurt so much from the proximity it was a struggle to breathe, and she wasn't entirely sure that it was all in her head. One of Sasuke's thumbs made a swiping motion back and forth across her temple. He closed his eyes, his long black eyelashes sweeping downwards as he swallowed visibly.

"No running, alright?" he said, coughing once to clear his throat. It took Sakura a moment to realize he was talking about her being sick. "No combat, either, if you can help it. Just stay close. If it starts hurting too much, tell me or Aya." His fingers slid beneath the rim of the blanket covering her head, but the action spooked Sakura so badly she tried to jerk away. She couldn't do it. Fuck, she could call a temporary truce between the two of them if she had to, but this was too much. She knew Sasuke was needy at the moment, but she couldn't help him. She needed Naruto to distract him, but Naruto wasn't there.

"Sasuke, you're too close," she repeated, but all he did was press his forehead more firmly against hers, his grip unnervingly gentle as he cradled the sides of her head. He wasn't supposed to be gentle. Uchihas never were. _Sucks to be you,_ Karin's voice rung in her head, and Sakura agreed with her.

"I won't hurt you," Sasuke croaked out. He was so close all Sakura could see was a mass of snow white skin and coal black hair, his breath ghosting across her cheek. "I won't. I promise." Sakura would have laughed hysterically at the absurdity of it all, but she was so tired and cold that all she could manage was to curl up further, which only made Sasuke move close. _Bodies. Don't think about the bodies_ , she tried to tell herself, but she could remember their blood on his hands, her parents dead eyes staring upwards. All Sasuke had ever done was hurt her.

"Sasuke, stop," she said. She wished she had Aya's backbone—she wished her own backbone would appear, right about now. "Please, you're too close."

"I won't," he began, then stopped, cutting himself off before trying again. "I don't—you don't have to be scared of me. I won't hurt you. Please." Before Sakura could help herself, she was lashing out.

"You're _Uchiha_ ," she spat, and he visibly flinched against her. Instantly Sakura wished she could take her words back. Out of all of Sasuke's faults—out of all the things he could change and all the things he was guilty of—being Uchiha wasn't one of them. She felt guilty and she didn't want to feel guilty, because **she** was the aggrieved party here. Sakura could sense the weight of everyone's gaze; judging her, blaming her. Finding her unworthy, just like Aya. And Sasuke seemed oblivious to it.

"I'm sorry," he said. Sasuke's forehead was still pressed to hers, the wet, waterlogged fingers of his right hand tucking her equally wet hair around the shell of her ear. Sakura couldn't stop shivering.

"Why'd you make him tail me?" she asked, trying to distract him. It seemed to take Sasuke a moment to realize that she was talking about Susumu. Once he did he leaned back a bit, turning his head away. Getting him to talk about anything personal was always a burden, and Sakura knew if he hadn't been so shaken by Juugo's rapid collapse it would have been all but impossible to broach the subject.

"Because you recognize my chakra," he said, somewhat stiltedly. He rubbed a tired hand across his face, slicking away rainwater and ragged hair. He looked like Madara crouching before her. Fuck, did he ever look like Madara, only the expression on his face—that sort of twisted, growing despair fighting to break free—was all Sasuke. The dissonance between the two was horrifying. "I can't hide it, like I used to," he admitted. "Naruto… Naruto said I needed to give you space."

This line of reasoning would have flabbergasted Sakura if it hadn't been so predictable. It was such a Sasuke thing to do that she felt more heartbroken by it than anything else. Genius on the battlefield, but emotionally competent the Uchiha was not. Itachi had shattered the pieces of his psyche and Madara had walked all over the shards with glee. Sasuke wasn't really a whole person, Sakura realized in a moment of clarity, and probably hadn't been for many years.

"Sasuke," she said slowly, bringing her hand up to rub at her jeweled forehead. "Giving a person their space does not mean that you get someone else to do your stalking for you." At any other time Sakura would have described the expression that crossed his features as one of frustration, but Sasuke seemed to be so shaken by their current crisis that it came off as something closer to fear.

"Kaasan died when I wasn't there," he said. Sakura felt sorry for him. Her sense of empathy wasn't quite dead yet. Not even for Sasuke, even if he didn't deserve it.

"I'm not your kaasan, Sasuke," she said. Sakura thought it was very, very pertinent that she made this point.

"I know."

"I'm not an Uchiha, either."

"I want you to be," he blurted out. The words were half-strangled, his expression curdled in distress. Horrified, Sakura shrunk backwards, putting a shaking hand to her face as she covered her eyes to try and forget he was there. He didn't know what he was saying. He couldn't have. He was just bad with words.

"Oh Sasuke-kun," she breathed, rubbing her hands across her eyes to keep herself from crying. Overhead, there was another _crack_ of thunder. "Please, this is the wrong time." It would never be the right time, but she didn't tell him that. Sakura heard a shuffling sound in front of her, intermingled with the rain. When she looked up it was to see Sasuke with his elbows braced on his knees and his hands tangled in his hair, his head bowed and shoulders hunched as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

"I might not get another chance," he admitted hoarsely. He sounded as miserable as Sakura felt. "Naruto told me to wait, but it didn't work." The Uchiha stopped, his voice wobbling badly, before he started again. "I'm sorry. I fucked up."

Sakura's panic lessened a bit as she tried to work her way through the problem. She hadn't expected to be in such close proximity to Sasuke for so long, and it had thrown her. _Think of him like a patient,_ she told herself. It worked, sometimes. She wished for the deadened malaise that had plagued her in Konoha, the one that had allowed her to function so efficiently.

"When we get back to Konoha, we can talk about it," she assured him. Although she knew there would be no later, Sasuke had no way of knowing that. Sakura reached out, her fingers trembling, and in the bravest move she'd done in years she carefully placed her hand atop his. It was the first time she'd touched him without a medical reason and she immediately regretted it. She jerked her hand back, drawing it to her chest and huddling beneath her blanket. When Sakura closed her eyes, all she could see were Sasuke's crimson fingers, sticky and coated in gore.

She could still remember it as if it were yesterday; the way he'd reached for her, grasping childishly. How he'd cradled her face between his hands. He'd tasted like copper when he'd kissed her. Beautiful boy with the bloody pinwheel eyes, her Sasuke-kun had been. And oh, Sakura had adored him to pieces.

"It's okay," he'd said, half hysterical as he smeared her parents' blood across her cheeks. "It's okay, we're safe."

"Sorry," Sakura said, her mind abruptly snapping back to the present. She didn't really know what she was sorry for, but she suspected it was for reaching out to touch him. Really, she shouldn't have done that. "I talked to Aya," she continued, to change the conversation. Sasuke shifted on his feet in front of her. "She says we'll have to run."

But then Sakura felt his hands again; she felt the Uchiha shuffle forward all the way so that he was leaning against her, wrapping his sodden arms around her shoulders as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. Even through the blanket, Sakura could feel his warmth.

"I'm sorry," he chanted. "I'll fix it."

Sakura sagged, pressing her own forehead against his shoulder as she let her hands pool limply in her lap. She felt so tired. She just wanted to sleep.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "Yeah, okay."

Sasuke's arms tightened around her shoulders. Even though she didn't return the gesture, Sakura didn't try to stop him. It wasn't like Sasuke would listen, anyways. Nothing ever changed between them.

* * *

 

After that, Sasuke stayed close.

"There's six of them between us and Ame," he said, as what remained of the LSF huddled together in a miserable circle, next to Juugo's body while thunder and lightning flashed. "There's more behind us, too, but we couldn't ascertain how many." Sasuke used a kunai to draw lines in the dirt while he talked. Sakura watched as he sketched a rough approximation of a map of the surrounding area, the grooves quickly filling with rainwater. The twins were trying to keep it from being completely washed away by by hovering over the circle with one of their blankets, stretching it between then like a tarp.

"Once we reach Ame, we get care for Juugo. Signal Konoha for help." Sasuke ran his thumb along the edge of his kunai almost absently, before reaching forward and drawing another line in the dirt. "If Ame's compromised, we take what supplies we can and head for Konoha anyways. It's vital we warn them so they can reinforce the borders."

"What if they already know?" Yamamori asked. Everyone knew he meant _what if they've already been attacked_. Sasuke's expression was blank as he spoke.

"Assume they don't. Getting tactical info to them supersedes everything else."

Sakura watched the way his hands moved as if in a trance. She was currently sitting between him and Hanabi, and Susumu was on the other side of the Hyuga, biting nervously on one of his sharp red nails. Suigetsu was parked beside Juugo, and Aya was standing behind Sasuke, her gunbai shoved into the dirt.

"So we're running?" Kushimura asked. Sasuke nodded.

"We can't avoid them," he admitted. Sakura shuddered. As she did so Sasuke shifted closer, his free hand reaching around to grip the blanket along her lower back. "We're splitting into two teams, main and decoy. Aya will lead decoy. Kushimura, Etsuko, Ai, Suigetsu, you're with her. Jin, Yamamori, Michi, Hanabi, Susumu, Sora and Shun are with me. Sakura and Juugo too."

"Fuck," ground out Suigetsu. He spat into the grass beside him, running his right hand through his matted hair. "Fuck, I hate being decoy." As he spoke he turned angrily to Aya, pointing a threatening finger in her direction. "Bitch, you try to cut me again during the assault, and you're done for." The kunoichi sneered and said nothing. Sasuke ignored them both.

"Once we're halfway to Ame the teams will split. I'll send out another summon. Yamamori, you send off your summon, too."

"Which one?"

"Suzumebachi."

"Alright."

"After that, Aya will start the diversion. These things don't care that we're there unless we get too close. Chakra attracts them. The goal of the diversion is not to engage, understand? Never engage. Just get them moving so it creates a big enough hole for us to get through to Ame. Once the main team is through, kill your chakra and lay low until they lose interest. Then move through the gap and meet up with the others in the village."

"How big are they?" Susumu asked, still biting on his sharp red thumbnail. He didn't sound nervous, per say, but definitely hesitant. Sasuke's response was deadpan.

"Big. The closest one was nearly a kilometer long. Remember, they move fast."

Sakura gave up trying to fight the dizziness. The cold was too much. She leaned against Sasuke fully, her head _thunking_ against his shoulder and her cheek pressing against his arm. Sasuke's arm went around her back, pulling her close and keeping her upright at the same time. His shirt was completely drenched and Sakura could feel solid muscle beneath the fabric. Everyone in the group seemed to be studiously ignoring his behavior, and Sakura was too tired to care if they saw.

"I could lay out a bone field once we got through the gap," Susumu said. "Maybe extend the range for several miles. It would give the decoy team more time to escape." His red tattoos appeared black in between the flickering pulses of lightning.

"Sure," Sasuke agreed at the exact same time that Aya said _no_. Susumu looked between them as he waited silently for confirmation. Suigetsu turned angrily to Aya.

"Bitch, are you trying to get us killed?" he spat. Hanabi clutched at her head.

"Puddle, shut **up** ," she ground out. The expression on her face was so pained that Suigetsu actually looked guilty. Aya ignored her, pointing an accusing finger at the former mist-nin even as she jerked her head in Susumu's direction.

"He'd have to stay still to maintain the field. I won't let him."

"Alright. Listen here, you crazy bitch," Suigetsu began. "You ain't the Captain, and until you are—"

Susumu's expression was carefully neutral as he interrupted them, his posture brittle. "I can do it," he insisted. He didn't look towards Aya or Suigetsu, but to Sasuke, who was watching them all with an unreadable expression. "You know I can."

"See?" Suigetsu said, sweeping his hand in an expansive gesture towards Susumu. "Susu-chan will be fucking fine. Always has been." Sakura stiffened at the conversation, making a wordless sound of protest as she began to sit up. _Susumu_. Susumu had a little sister who was all alone in Konoha, and his sister didn't deserve a corpse. Sasuke's gaze went to hers as she began to struggle. Sakura felt his hand tightening in the folds of her blanket before he turned away. The rainwater dripped in a constant stream off the tip of his nose now, and rivulets of it were running down his back between his shoulder blades.

"No bone field," he said. Aya visibly relaxed. Susumu focused his big yellow eyes on Sakura. His lips slowly pressed into a thin, unhappy line. Across from them, crouched between the twins, Etsuko sighed and put a tired hand to her forehead, her bare arm dripping with excess water and dark hair made even darker by the rain.

"How are we going to kill it?" she asked. No one said anything, but they were all thinking the same thing. "I mean literally, how are we going to get rid of it, even if we do get word to Konoha? We have no way of fighting." Sakura didn't look at Sasuke, sitting as she was between him and Hanabi, but she watched as everyone else did, their expression tired but almost hopeful.

Sasuke was brutal when he wanted to be, however, and he sucked at throwing others a proverbial life-line.

"I don't know," he admitted. "We'll adapt or die." There was a pause. "We leave at first light."

Around them, the rain worsened.

It was coming down in torrents now, and because they were out in the open with no chakra to aide them it was impossible to stay dry. Ai and Etsuko were on guard duty first, so they got up and drifted away. The rest of them hunkered down beneath their blankets, trying to keep warm. Mostly, they were unsuccessful. Still feeling like she was in a fog, Sakura got up to check on Juugo, but it was raining so hard she couldn't do a thorough examination of his wound without risking further contamination. He was a little less wet than the rest of them because of the tarp. Suigetsu sat beside him, back hunched and expression despondent as he rubbed at his eye with the heel of his palm. Sakura looked in his direction.

"Are you sure your wound isn't bugging you?" she asked. He nodded.

"I'm fine," he snapped. "Fuckin' peachy."

Sakura didn't press the subject. Around them the rain increased until it was howling. The water itself wasn't that cold as Ame was a rather warm country, but there was only so long one could sit in the water before it began to get to a person. Sakura remained where she was, not really processing the fact that she was awake until Sasuke came to sit beside her. She felt something warm at her side, followed by the presence of his upper arm against hers through the blanket. She shivered and decided that she preferred the forest of Kusa over the fields of Ame. Another day in this sort of climate and she'd be done for.

The lightning flashed in sheets, intersected by sharp cracks of thunder. The reeds waved in the tropical gale, and whenever there was a particularly strong gust of wind they would flatten in waves, showing silver undersides that made a _pitter-patter_ sound as the water fell on them. If Sakura thought about it long enough, the storm almost sounded like someone screaming.

"After the war," she began. "The wind bothered me a lot. It sounded like crying." She didn't know if Sasuke heard her at first, but she felt him turn just the slightest bit, his head lowered in her direction. "I think it just reminded me of the corpses," she added. Sakura really didn't know why she was saying this to him. It was too personal. Sasuke didn't reply, but his arm went around her back, drawing her close as his fingers kneaded at the fabric of her blanket. Sakura pretended she didn't feel it, because if she pretended Sasuke wasn't grasping for her she could keep her panicked reactions to a minimum.

But the wind really was picking up, and it really did sound like screaming. Human screaming, muted by the rain, only not so faint that she could convince herself that she was imagining it. The creature had sounded human too, when it had snuck up on them in the bamboo grove.

"Sasuke," she said. His hand tightened against her lower back. "Sasuke, I can hear it. The screaming." It was getting louder. His free hand reached up, white and wet as it slid beneath the blanket to cover her ears in an attempt to block the noise.

"It's just the wind," Sasuke assured her. There was a slight edge of desperation to his voice. "You're imagining it."

But she wasn't imagining it and it wasn't the wind. Sakura gripped Sasuke's wrist, stopping him from covering her ears completely as green chakra flared around her fingertips. She wouldn't be fooled again.

"Sasuke, someone's **screaming** ," she insisted. From the way Sasuke suddenly tensed, she could tell that he'd heard it, too. There was a flash of lightning that lit up the field, and then Sakura saw it: the outline of something massive. The creature rose up like a thorny behemoth as it slowly meandered through the grass towards them.


	9. Chapter IX: Break the Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Revised April 3, 2018

In the short, stuttering seconds before the creature attacked, Sakura remembered a moment. Less than a year after Sasuke had killed her parents, this moment was, where the Last Uchiha had tried to talk to her in person.

She'd been living with Kakashi at the time of the incident, and Sasuke had been re-released from the hospital. Both of them had been doped up to the eyeballs in order to function; Sasuke on anti-psychotics, and Sakura on antidepressants and sleeping pills. Every night for weeks, she'd woken up screaming. Kakashi had been there of course, which helped her through the worst of it. He'd stuck to local missions, and without either of them really acknowledging it he'd collected Sakura's things and moved her into his apartment. Only it hadn't been enough to stop the nightmares.

"I'm putting a limit on these," Tsunade had said, shaking some pills from a bottle into her hand, before putting them in a smaller capsule and screwing the lid shut. It had been a beautiful spring day out, with a warm breeze drifting in through the windows of the Hokage's office to accompany the trill of the sparrows. Tsunade had been forced to put a genjutsu over the entire area just to stop Sakura from bolting. She couldn't stand the sound of the birds.

The Hokage had eyed her sternly as she'd slid the pills across the table. There'd been two folders filled with medical files resting by her elbow. One of them was hers, Sakura knew, but the other was over a foot thick, and stamped with the _CLASSIFIED_ symbol. She hadn't seen the name of whom it belonged to, but she could guess.

"You hear me?" Tsunade insisted. Her expression had grown grimmer as she'd shaken the remainder of the pills in admonishment, the little white capsules rattling around inside their plastic container. "This isn't helping," the Hokage warned her. "It's a crutch. You're getting worse."

Sakura had grabbed her allotted dosage off the table and shoved them into her pocket, looking wide-eyed towards the floor. Her left leg had been jigging up and down in agitation.

"Sorry, Shishou," she said, and she'd meant it. She was trying to get over it—trying to forget—but the memories wouldn't leave her and Sasuke was still alive. Still free. Tsunade's expression had been one of pity.

"Don't go down that road," she'd warned. When Sakura continued staring at the floor, her tone became more urgent. "Sakura, I mean it. Don't be like that. Don't be me. It's a dark place, and there's no end to it."

Sakura had said nothing. She'd known what Tsunade was saying was logical and had known she should've followed the Hokage's advice, but the hurdle had just been too steep. When she remained mute, Tsunade has sighed and stood.

"I'm going away for awhile," she'd announced, walking over to her personal medicine cabinet and opening it with a small key. With a soft _clack_ she'd placed the excess pills inside, before shutting the door and locking it. "It won't be for long, just a month and a half to visit an old friend. Shizune's in charge of the hospital while I'm away, and Hatake's taking over most of my duties." She'd turned to Sakura then, her gaze firm. "While I'm gone you check in with both of them, you hear? I know you're already living with Hatake, but don't brush Shizune off. She needs to make sure you keep up with your regimen."

"Yes Shishou," Sakura mumbled. Then she'd fled. When Sakura had emerged onto the front steps of the hospital, Sasuke had been waiting outside.

Sakura had spied him just before she'd exited. Sasuke had been distracted, which was the only reason why she was able to duck back inside. She'd crouched down, hidden in shadows and masking her chakra. Sasuke had continued pacing raggedly back and forth. The Uchiha had been rail-thin, wearing a baggy pair of sweatpants and a shirt that looked three sizes too big for him. Naruto had been standing nearby, trying to calm him down. There had been Anbu lurking in the trees.

"Sasuke," he'd said in a placating manner. "C'mon, let's just go back." Sasuke had kept pacing, chakra-sealing bracelets around his wrists and ankles. Then he'd started rubbing his hand back and forth across his mouth, chewing on it to the point of compulsion. He was prone to it on the bad days, Sakura had overhead Shizune saying. Prone to self-mutilation, and he pulled no punches. It was the third time in a month that he'd tried to rip out his own eyes and destroy the sharingan. The anti-psychotics had been upped, and they'd taken away his knives, but Sasuke liked to use his fingers. He was an absolute mess, as always.

"Mannnnnn, she's probably not even in today," Naruto whined, and then pleaded. "Baachan says she's off. We can visit again, I promise." He put his hand on the Uchiha's shoulder to try and pull him away, but Sasuke had shaken him off and continued pacing.

"No," he mumbled, chewing on his own hand in agitation. There'd been blood on his teeth. Naruto's expression was one of resigned frustration.

"Sakura-chan's not ready," he said. "It's too soon, alright?" At the sound of her own name Sakura had shrunk back in horror.

"No," Sasuke insisted, pacing frantically. In the trees the Anbu had shifted, slowing making their way down. "No. No. Kaasan—Itachi—have to make **sure** —" Naruto's expression softened into something that was not quite agony, but definitely pity, as if he'd heard this particular brand of half-mad rambling before. He stepped forward and removed Sasuke's hand from his mouth to stop him from biting, before wrapping him up in a big bear hug, patting his back and squeezing him tight. There'd been a huge smile on his face, but it had been so fake it was painful to look at.

Sasuke lay limp in his arms. Then he'd brought his hand back to his mouth and began chewing again. There were nail marks around his eye sockets.

"Of course we'll make sure," Naruto singsonged. Over Sasuke's shoulder he'd waved the Anbu away with a savage glare and an errant hand. "Family is important. The most important!" Then more delicately he'd added, "it'll be fine, Sasuke. You'll see. We'll try to talk to Sakura-chan tomorrow, alright?"

"Today," Sasuke insisted against Naruto's shoulder. His voice had cracked, and there was more blood on his teeth. "It has to be today."

Naruto grimaced but he hadn't let go, removing Sasuke's hand from his mouth a second time before rubbing at his too-thin back. "Alright," he said. "Alright, we'll wait till she comes out. But if she doesn't want to talk you have to respect that, all right? Sakura-chan's sad these days."

Sasuke said nothing. Sakura had fled back into the building and into the basement. She'd waited there overnight and into mid-morning the next day, until she was sure the two of them were gone and they wouldn't find her.

* * *

 

The first reaction of the LSF was to scramble. The panic was that bad.

"Oh fuck," Suigetsu wailed, scrabbling across the muddy ground on hands and knees. "Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, not again!"

Then they were all rushing to their feet as the creature ambled closer, desperate to outrun the chakra void. Yamamori swore, helping Jin hoist the unconscious Juugo off the ground so they could carry him. Sasuke yanked Sakura upright so fast her arm nearly dislocated. Hanabi was hyperventilating, tripping over her own feet in her haste to get away. In the air there was nothing but the rain and the terror.

"Stick to the plan!" Sasuke shouted over a crack of thunder. Then he was letting go of Sakura and darting away to the front of their formation. Sakura's chest ached. She could barely breathe the pain was so bad, but the fear was worse, so she followed. Already Aya was preparing to run. Kushimura, Ai, and Etsuko followed. Suigetsu was lagging behind. The creature was getting closer.

It was a behemoth. An undulating slab of flesh so large it blanketed the horizon, gelatinous and covered in thorny spikes. Around it limbs like tentacles were slithering and looping. The wind howled, the rain screamed, and then the front of the creature was opening, rising up in a giant maw to reveal rows upon rows of teeth. It let out a series of rumbling clicks, as if it were curious. When the lightning flashed Sakura could see three more creatures converging towards them, their cries answering the first. Each of them was slightly different in shape, but all were huge.

Without waiting another second, they bolted. The creature moved.

It went from slowly meandering across the field to side-winding like a rattlesnake. Sakura finally understood Sasuke's warning; how he'd said it was there, and then it wasn't. How it came at you from the sides to cut off your escape. The ground shuddered as it barrelled towards them. The creature moved so fast it created its own wind tunnel, dragging unbolted objects across the field and making the LSF fall towards it. As the monster approached Sakura could senses it: the sudden drop in air pressure that Suigetsu had described as the chakra void engulfed the area. She was struck with an overwhelming feeling of paralysis. She almost careened across the ground and broke her own neck the shock was so bad.

Then Sasuke's hand was on her arm and he was yanking her upright. The creature was right on top of them, thirteen stories tall and crooning. A tentacle with hooks came at them from the side in the form of a giant pink wave. Then Etsuko's legs were gone and she was going down, sliced into pieces that tumbled through the air like wet logs. Her limbs made a _thunk, thunk, thunk_ against the grass.

Etsuko started screaming. Aya quickly darted forward and snapped the kunoichi's neck with her foot. Almost immediately the other nin was scrambling back to avoid the tentacle, and the creature was tearing up the earth like a saw blade as it tried to get to her. They left Etsuko's corpse where it was and kept running.

They ran as fast as they could and split up like they'd intended, but the creature was so close Sakura didn't know if they decoy would work. Sasuke flared his chakra—what little he had left of it—and the creature followed. Aya managed to melt away with the rest of her squad. The monster trailed the main team now. Another one had seemed to pick up their scent. Not once did they try to engage it, and even in the heat of the moment Sakura knew it would've been pointless. The creatures were too fast and too strong. They were going to die. They were going to be cut up into screaming wet chunks like Etsuko and the panic was so bad that Sakura didn't know how the LSF had survived it the first time. Most of them hadn't. Poor Hotaka. No wonder he went crazy. Both of the flanks were gone.

"Left!" Hanabi screamed. They all ducked as a giant tentacle came side-winding out of the darkness, jagged and glistening. Most of them managed to roll out of the way.

Sakura did not.

She was breathing too hard and her chest was in agony. That combined with the confusion made her reaction time too slow. One second there was nothing in front of her and the next there was a giant pink mass whistling towards her face, lit up by flashes of lightning. Sakura began to fall back, frantically trying to twist her momentum and move out of the way, but she couldn't. In a blur of black and blue Sasuke was there: Chidori screaming and lightning everywhere as he channeled it through Kusanagi and charged. The screech was deafening.

And the birds. The sound of the birds. Thousands of sparrows and crows. She was back in the war, back on the battlefield, back in the crumbling ruins of her home. Sasuke was mowing through them like grass, a legacy of madness crowning his head as he shoved his hand through her chest. _Thunk, thunk,_ went the bodies of her parents. No birds, but Sasuke was there and the crows were everywhere. Carrion pickers, rot on the corpse.

_It's okay, we're safe,_ he'd said. They weren't.

"NO!" Sakura screamed. For a second she thought he was going to kill everyone there. Then she realized his sword was pointing forward and he was cutting at the creature. Its tentacle was so thick that Sasuke couldn't slice all the way through. Then he was hacking, and **hacking** , his Chidori going on in an endless drone as the limb came off with a wet ripping shulch. Something strange oozed from the remains of the arm. It looked like bodies, or body parts, but Sakura couldn't be sure.

The creature bellowed in pain, drawing back. Across the field the other behemoths roared. Sasuke staggered to the side and fell to his knees, vomiting. He'd gotten too close. Susumu appeared and yanked him to his feet. Then Hanabi was beside Sakura and she was helping her up, too. As they did another tentacle slammed down onto the ground where they'd been resting a second before. Without waiting for a breath they kept running.

The missing arm slowed the Sidewinder down, but not enough. Less than a minute later it was jack-wheeling after them as if nothing had happened, and it was faster. Ame was still a good kilometer away. Ahead of them another creature ambled forward, aiming to cut them off. Sakura would have moaned in despair but she was too out of breath to do so, and she needed the air to run.

_Kritttttt,_ went the Sidewinder behind them, crooning and gnashing its teeth. Sakura agreed with Suigetsu. Ten-Tales was better, and Madara was divine. This was no chakra, this was hell. This was the ground wobbling beneath their feet as the rain turned it to mud. Then there was an explosion: an eerie shriek reverberated through the atmosphere, followed by a flare of light. Three tornadoes made of white fire sprung up out of nothing and began weaving in and out over the field. Across the sky the thunder boomed, lightning rippling. Like someone had jerked it back on a chain, the Sidewinder immediately veered towards the sudden explosion of chakra.

"Aya's up!" Michi yelled. They kept running. Everything was so bright.

For a moment Sakura could see everything, illuminated under the glare; the LSF dashing across the field like harried game, the long grass flattening around them. The hulking chakra-eaters meandered like titans, brittle shards crowning their backs. In the distance were the outline of Ame's skyscrapers, rising up in a series of jagged teeth. All the lights in the village were dead.

_Breathe in_ , she told herself, _breathe out. Step forward_ , and it was all she could do to think in the moment. There was nothing else.

Then, there **was** nothing else. The flash receded, and with it her view of the area, but the fire remained. The white tornadoes burned, eerie and undulating. Scuttling like a mad crab from hell, the Sidewinder made a beeline towards the disturbance. The other ones veered towards it, too. The decoy had worked.

Then it happened. Sakura's chest clenched and she collapsed, her legs giving out as she tumbled head over heels across the ground. Hanabi went down with her. Hard.

Sakura could hear the sharp _snap_ of bones breaking. Then there was mud, so much mud; dirt in her eyes and grit in her nose and grime in her hair, softening their fall and swallowing them. When they finally came to a halt Sakura lay still. She let the mud cover her, the rain soaking right through to her core. The water was rising. The field flooded. _Hanabi,_ she thought, _Hanabi will drown, and I will too,_ but her limbs were numb. There was a haze over her senses except for her chest, where it hurt. Over to the east the Sidewinder barrelled into the decoy. Beside her Hanabi groaned in pain and tried to hoist herself to her knees, but fell.

Susumu reached them first.

He was there in a flash, scrabbling through the mud to grab the back of Sakura's collar. He hoisted her out of the muck before she drowned. Sora and Shun helped Hanabi. The ringing in Sakura's ears didn't stop. Everything felt amplified, only she couldn't seem to move. Susumu's arms went around her waist. Her head _thunked_ as she flopped limply against his shoulder. Sakura could feel how hard he was breathing, the rise and fall of his chest as he gasped. He was so thin beneath his clothes, the muscles along his shoulders and chest corded and wiry. The air reverberated with the screech of Aya's tornadoes.

"Are you okay?" Susumu said. At first Sakura couldn't answer, she was so shell-shocked. Hanabi finally stood, grimacing and letting out a cry of pain. She'd broken her arm so hard the bone was poking out. Sakura knew she needed to fix it, but she couldn't because she had no chakra. Susumu shook her again. Then there was a hand on her neck, feeling her spine and checking for breaks. The tornadoes kept churning. The entire area was morphing into a wind turbine, flatting grass and rippling mud.

"Sakura?" Susumu shouted over the roar. The terror behind his usually placid voice was enough to jolt Sakura out of her haze. Susumu had a little sister. Sakura had to help him get back to Konoha. She had to keep him safe.

Then Sasuke was there, flash-stepping out of the darkness and sword in hand, blood on his teeth and eyes spinning red. In that moment he was Madara. It was the war all over again and time had broken down. All they were missing was the moon.

"What's wrong with her?" Sasuke demanded, his words hissing through his teeth. Susumu shrunk away with Sakura in hand. She could feel him shaking his head and pleading about something _,_ but Sasuke was impatient and angry. Another flash rose along the horizon, lighting everything up as bright as day. The creatures were crawling towards the explosion, skittering across the ground like moths to the flame. The decoy would be overwhelmed soon. They were running out of time.

"My legs," Sakura mumbled. Even as Sasuke reached her, she knew that they weren't broken. It was chakra depletion, utter and total, and it explained the haze.

"Please," Susumu begged. "Please, it's chakra, I'll carry her, please, **don't** —"

"No!" Hanabi gasped, stumbling towards them. Her voice nearly lost to the roar of the rain. "No, Sasuke, not like that!" Sasuke backhanded Susumu across the face so hard he fell over, ripping Sakura out of his grasp. She barely had time to register that he was holding her before Sasuke was tearing open her shirt and pressing his palm flat to her chest, his fingers spread. Then she felt it: a horribly dense, inescapable pressure invading her, waking her up but ripping her apart in the process.

Sakura screamed and kicked, arching her back. Sasuke's other hand went from her waist to her mouth, muffling her cries, and Sakura was looking into the sharingan. It spun wildly, morphing into a rinnegan, and the moon was red. Everything became rot and bones.

For a second and an eternity, Sakura remembered it. She remembered the way she'd come home that day to find the door busted wide open, Sasuke's chakra coating the place so thickly it was almost impossible to breathe. She remembered the way he'd just grabbed her father, shoving his fist through his chest. His bodies had fallen with a wet _thunk_ to the floor, and Sasuke had stared at the corpses, eyes blank and poppy red. Her beautiful boy with the bloody pinwheel eyes, Sasuke had been. King of the Saṃsāra. Everything was death and rebirth.

He'd threatened to do the same thing to Kakashi, when the jounin had tried to take Sakura away from him. She could recall the burning heat of his chest pressed against her back, his slim hand gripping her chin and his arm around her neck as he held her. His sword had been in his other hand, the headless bodies in front.

"Sasuke," Kakashi said in a placating tone, both hands raised in surrender as he'd placed his kunai on the ground and sunk to his knees. The Anbu behind him had done the same. "Sasuke, don't do this. Let's just talk."

But Sasuke hadn't wanted to talk. Sasuke didn't trust Konoha. He'd stared at Kakashi, blood on his cheeks and tomoes spinning. There had been a slit on his forehead. Kaguya was persistent, and Indra wasn't dead.

"Sasuke, you're trapped in your own genjutsu, remember? Please, you have to let Sakura go."

Sasuke's hand had been a vice around her neck, his words oddly furious. It was as if Madara had never left. Sasuke had just been younger. " **No one** touches my clan," he'd said, and Sakura had screamed. She screamed now, scrabbling at his hands to try and break free, her feet sliding in the mud, but it was useless.

Then all of a sudden Sasuke was leaning back and letting her go.

Sakura stumbled away, feeling more awake and full of energy than she had in days, but she was shaking violently. The white tornadoes were burning along the horizon and the field was flooding, but all Sakura could remember was the feeling of Sasuke's hand on her throat; the way he'd ripped off her mother's head and flown into a rage when Kakashi had tried to take her away from him. She was back in the war. Back in the past, but the past was the present and it was all some sort of cruel joke played on her by Madara. He'd been wearing Sasuke's face this whole time. Skinwalker, skinchanger. Skitter, skitter, skitter, madness coating the walls. Her parents' bodies hit the floor.

_Sons of my sons,_ Kaguya crooned in her ear, and she sounded so proud. Sakura couldn't take it. Not anymore.

"Move!" Sasuke said, but Sakura didn't know to whom and she didn't really care. She was on the ground again, kneeling and vomiting. Sasuke reached for her, pulling her up.

"She's in shock," Susumu said somewhere off to her right, begging and pleading. "She's in shock, she's not one of us. Just wait till Ame. Please, just wait." But Sasuke never waited for anything. Sasuke took and took and took.

He picked her up. Made her stand. Grabbed her hand and entwined their fingers. Then they were running, feet sinking into the mud. _Sucks to be you,_ Karin had said, and Sakura agreed with her. The world was roaring in her ears. The ground shook as the creatures dragged themselves towards the decoy team. Even though it hadn't been that long since they'd split—ten minutes, at the most—Sakura knew they wouldn't hold up for much longer. About two hundred feet in front of them one of the monsters rumbled past, spines over seventy feet long crowning its back as it pulled itself along on two giant tentacles. Ame was closer now, but not close enough. Every now and then there was a sound in the grass—a wet moaning that rose above the wind and mingled with it—and immediately they'd all drop to the ground, hiding amongst the reeds until it dissipated.

Sakura didn't see how they would make it in the rain. She couldn't _feel_ anything, except Sasuke's hand gripping hers like she was the last thing in the world. The Sidewinder—the monster that had originally attacked them—rose up on its hind limbs and bellowed like a foghorn, before slamming itself down. A shockwave traveled across the field in all directions, followed by another explosion. Suddenly the tornadoes were imploding, shrinking back in on themselves and setting the ground ablaze with white flames.

"Aya's down!" Michi shouted over the roar of the wind. They all ran faster.

They were coming up to an isthmus—a narrow spit of land that ran the rest of the way towards Ame, with nothing but marshland and deep reedy water on either side. It was the only way they could hope to cross without drowning, but the entire area was flooded because of the storm and one of those creatures was blocking their path. It was the biggest one Sakura had seen yet.

Their team stumbled to a halt as the ground gave way beneath them. They sunk up to their chests in the marshes, gasping for air and grabbing on to whatever they could hold. The sounds of battle towards the east ground down to a whimper. After that there was silence. No moon, and no light. Just the wind and the rain, punctured by flashes of thunder and the chitter of the creatures as they talked to one another. Sakura could hear her own harsh breathing; she could feel Sasuke's arm around her waist, holding her above the waterline. In the darkness and the mud Sakura's lungs burned with an energy that was not her own and she wondered—with racetrack speed—how they were going to make it through the isthmus. How they were going to make it to Ame at all and back to Konoha, because _oh gods, where are the others?_

But there were no gods. No religion. Just hell and Sasuke's chakra, twisting around her insides. The Last Uchiha swam next to her, going mad in chest deep mud.

"Keep him away from her, you hear?" she'd overheard Kakashi say to Naruto, shortly after Sasuke had killed her parents. His tone had been sharp and furious.

"But it's Sakura-chan."

"I don't care. Give him something else to focus on. He needs it."

"The others," she mumbled against Sasuke's shoulder, shuddering in the marshy water as they waited for the monster to pass. Sasuke leaned inwards, pressing lips to her mud-splattered hair. She hated him in that moment and how he never, ever _asked_. "The others," she insisted. Reality was breaking for her, too. "What happens to the corpses?" Nearby Jin looked up, followed by Yamamori. In the darkness their eyes were glowing red like Sasuke's. All they were missing were the tomoes.

When Hanabi glance over, her eyes were red too.

Sakura gasped and jerked back in horror. She saw Sasuke's face for the briefest of seconds; red rinnegan in both eyes and no mangekyō in sight. She tried to scream but Sasuke was pulling her back, his lips to her temple as he shushed her. The rest of them were watching: silent, red-eyed copies of their half-mad leader.

"Don't scream," he said. "It's okay. Be quiet." Off in the distance came a chittering cacophony as the creatures continued to talk. The LSF waited in the gloom. Ten minutes later when the water had risen up to their necks, the decoy team finally arrived. There was a _squelching_ sound as their feet got stuck, followed by several loud _thunks_ as the other nins fell down beside them on top of the land bridge. Kushimura, Ai, Suigetsu and Aya had all made it. Sakura heard Hanabi gasp. Suigetsu landed right next to Sasuke and her. He was missing his sword.

"Fucking decoy," he said, and spat. The words were directed at Sasuke. Then his eyes were bleeding red,. Aya shuddered, her back torn open. Kushimura was already on his feet and staggering away.

"Five minutes," he gasped, yanking Ai to her feet. "Five. That's all we got." Then they were all pulling themselves out of the water. Sakura couldn't understand why the LSF had red eyes like Sasuke. They were all acting like it was the most natural thing in the world and the only one who **didn't** have red eyes was Sakura. There was no moon.

"Puddle," warbled Hanabi from somewhere nearby, sounding young with shaky relief. Suigetsu turned to her, pulling straight her out of the mud and wrapping her in a desperate hug. He kissed the side of her head.

"Still alive, babe?" He said. He was grinning, but the grin was full of terror. His eyes were glowing red. "I missed you too."

Then they were running again, moving along the spit of land as a unit. They tried to stay as quiet as they could.

The isthmus was very narrow and it was flooded. The water from the marshlands began lapping around their ankles, then their calves, then their knees. Soon everything would be underwater, but they had nowhere else to run. Sakura stayed with Sasuke at the front of the party, and as she stumbled her senses felt amplified, her nerves struck by the weirdest sensation of functioning on chakra that wasn't hers. _Keep him away from her_ , Kakashi had said, but Kakashi was dead and Naruto wouldn't. Sakura would have to do it herself.

Up ahead one more creature remained. Although it hadn't spotted them yet it was so large there was no way they could walk around it. The closer they got the more Sakura could feel it: a chakra void spreading for miles in all directions around the monster. It was feeding off Ame. It had to be. There was an outpost ahead of them, rising out of the swamp.

"Shit," she heard Suigetsu say from somewhere nearby. Thunder crackled. Time slowed to a crawl, and all Sakura could focus on was the behemoth; that indefinable mass rising up like a gelatinous mountain with a ring of spikes crowning the hump of its back. To the east the others called, crooning gently, and finally the monster responded. Its back expanded, spreading _out_ , and Sakura watched as the skin stretched like a pair of wings.

The monster bellowed so deep the earth shuddered. Then it was using those flightless appendages to drag itself along the ground, ambling towards the others. As it passed a collective paralysis seemed to come over the group. Sakura was sure her mind was breaking. Had broken. There was no Sakura now. When the creature finally passed the paralysis dissipated.

The water had risen even higher, and Ame was still about half a kilometer away. They could make it if they tried—the way was clear—but when they reached the first outpost that surrounded the village Sasuke told them to stop. They wouldn't make it to high ground before everything flooded, and they needed to climb while they still had a chance.

Suigetsu started cackling hysterically, spinning around in circles. Sasuke finally let go of Sakura's hand to help Jin and Yamamori with Juugo. Sakura waited at the back with Hanabi, breathing hard and trembling with shock. Beside her the Hyuga clutched her broken arm. Suigetsu kept on laughing, hip deep in water as he tilted his head back to taste the rain.

"Hozuki's lost it," Michi said. The marshes churned, the outpost rising above it all at six stories high: tall, metallic and abandoned. The top of it was missing, knocked off by one of the creature's arms.

"Your arm," Sakura said, moving towards Hanabi through the briny muck. Hanabi stepped back, watching her with red eyes. "Your arm. Let me fix it." Sakura had to fix it. She **needed** to, to keep herself from going insane.

"You have no chakra," Hanabi said in a shaky voice, stepping back further. She was half mad, too. "No chakra. That's Sasuke's. Can't let you."

"Let me fix it."

"Sakura, you can do it later," Susumu pleaded from somewhere beside her. "We're almost there." But they weren't.

"Why are your eyes red?" Sakura demanded. The question seemed very important in that moment. She didn't know why. Hanabi blinked and stared.

"I'm LSF," she said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Suigetsu kept laughing, even as Aya started screaming at him to get a hold of himself.

"Ha!" Suigetsu gasped. He laughed harder. "Ha! Never again! Fuck! I quit this bitch! I quit this village! You hear me? I QUIT EVERYTHING!"

Then Sakura saw it: the tentacle barrelling out of the darkness, edged with bony spines. It hit Hanabi, separating her head from her neck with a _thwick_.

There was a wobbling. The wet splash of a corpse going down, followed by a crooning as the tentacle grabbed it, dragging the body into the reeds. Sakura saw blood on Hanabi's lips, her eyes open. A head bobbing in the water.

Suigetsu screamed. The moon was red.


	10. Salt the Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Revised April 3, 2018

The minute they were out of immediate danger, Sakura had taken what she'd considered to be a necessary step.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" she screamed at Sasuke once they'd made it to the top of the watchtower, pressing a kunai to her own neck. The moment she figured out that he actually cared if she died—that he was terrified of it—she'd wasted no time in turning herself into a bargaining chip. Kakashi was dead, Tsunade was missing-presumed-dead, and Naruto wasn't there. Fuck living. Fuck everything. She could feel his chakra burning inside her. Her own sanity was more important, but she'd lost it somewhere out on that field with Hanabi's head. The two of them were going down in a blaze of glory. At the time however, it had seemed more likely that they'd drown. The water had still been rising.

"YOU HEAR ME?!" Sakura screamed. "YOU TRY ANYTHING LIKE THAT ON ME EVER AGAIN, AND I'LL DO IT. WITH A SCALPEL!"

Sasuke stood six feet in front of her, hyperventilating and red rinnegan spinning, Kusanagi clattering bonelessly from his hand onto the crumbling cement floor. He gasped hard—in and out, over and over—but he was so scared that he was shaking visibly. Sakura hadn't seen him that scared since they were kids. Since Itachi had broadcast the massacre through his brain and he'd seized up, all wide-eyed and tangle-limbed like a broken puppet. Sasuke Uchiha was not good with loss. Sasuke Uchiha loved one thing—his family—and nothing else. But Sasuke Uchiha's family was dead.

Behind them Suigetsu sat dull-eyed on the floor, cradling Hanabi's head. Jin and Yamamori collapsed with exhaustion against a wall, and Susumu was in a state of utter panic; all twitching limbs and hands-a-flutter like some sort of mind-fucked, terrified white rabbit that had wandered into a tug-o-war between two rabid dogs. In a way they were. This conflict had been coming to a head for years and Hanabi was the catalyst, only neither of them had seen the impact. Maybe Sasuke had and he'd ignored it. Sakura had just been blind. Whatever, too late for hindsight. She didn't care.

"No," Sasuke said. The rinnegan kept spinning, then a slit started to appear on his forehead, the flesh ripping apart like a de-threaded seam. His eyes bled, red dripping down his cheeks, but the blatant, child-like terror etched across his features was all Sasuke. The abrupt shift from LSF Captain to Broken Thing was stark.

_Poor Sasuke_ , Sakura thought, but at the time she didn't feel anything like pity attached to the notion. She was too stressed. She had to make a stand even if she died in the process. She had to make him see.

"No," Sasuke repeated, and he took a step forward, reaching out. "No, kaasan—"

"I'M NOT YOUR KAASAN."

"Sakura—"

"I'M NOT UCHIHA EITHER. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOUR CLAN. I'M ME!"

When he another step Sakura pressed down hard enough to draw blood. Sasuke fell to his knees with a _thud_ and just watched her, rinnegan spinning as the slit along his forehead finally revealed a third eye. In that moment as they squared off, all Sakura could think of was that Kakashi was supposed to have sealed it. It shouldn't be back. _Oh gods._ What had Sasuke been doing for the past six years along the borders? Why were the eyes of the LSF red? Outside the rain continued to fall. The first two levels of the outpost were flooded.

"If you **ever** try to force something on me again," she said. "I'll slit my goddamn throat. If that's what it takes, I'll do it." The world spun, her vision doubling. The only thing that kept her going was Sasuke's chakra. The Last Uchiha swallowed hard.

"You were hurt," he began, and Sakura had pressed down harder. Over to the side Susumu tore at his hair.

"Sakura, no," he babbled. "Please stop, no more fighting, no more, please, no, no, no."

"Try again," Sakura sneered, and her attention was all on Sasuke. He swallowed again. There were three red eyes staring at her now, and there shouldn't have been. Kakashi had died sealing the goddamn thing the second time around. Why did Sasuke still have the rinne sharingan? Why did he have **three**?

The moon was red.

"I wanted to help," Sasuke said. He reached for her again, but Sakura was officially out of fucks to give. She laughed hysterically, but she was crying. Everything hurt.

"Oh Sasuke-kun, you can't help anyone," she said. He flinched hard as if she'd struck him. The laughter turned into sobs, the kunai shaking in her hand. Hanabi was dead, and so were Etsuko and Hotaka and all the others. The rest of them were lost. Meandering without a berth to moor in the storm. She was so tired. She just wanted it to end. "Sasuke-kun," she'd sobbed, and the kunai had wobbled against her neck. "Sasuke-kun, I'm so tired. Make it stop."

"Okay," he'd said, and he'd been shaking so bad. "Okay, I'll fix it."

Then Aya snapped.

"You stupid bitch," she hissed, coming up behind Sakura with gunbai in hand. Susumu let out a cry of distress. "You stupid fucking bitch. I warned you to get your shit together." Then she knocked Sakura out with the butt of her weapon. After that, all was darkness.

When Sakura woke up, it was warm and dry.

She was lying on her back on the dirty cement floor and everything felt discombobulated, like she'd gone to sleep in one reality and woken up in another. Above her was a pockmarked ceiling with rusted rebars poking through one side. The sunlight blazed through the holes that littered it, and across the ground the light splattered like golden paint. They were still in the watchtower a kilometer from Ame. The air was hot, like they were stranded in the middle of Suna's deserts. Outside Sakura knew the temperature was scorching, because even in the relative shade of the building she was warm. She swallowed hard and didn't understand _why_. What had happened to the rain? Where was the storm? There was something wrapped around her, torn and ragged, and it took Sakura a moment to realize it was Sasuke's jinbaori. Sasuke himself was sitting next to her, sharpening his sword.

He was sitting too close: Sakura's arm was pressed against his thigh. Sasuke. _Sasuke_. Sakura tensed and swallowed hard, and in that moment all she could think of was Kakashi. Of how much she missed him and how he was no longer there. Sasuke wasn't allowed to see her. Kakashi had said so, but Kakashi was dead. Then the events of the day before came crashing down on her in a torrent, and Sakura remembered. She recalled shipping out with the rest of the LSF to the border; she remembered the bamboo grove and the mists. She remembered the killing fields and so many dead bodies. Sakura remembered Hanabi's head bobbing in the water. She remembered pressing a kunai to her own neck.

Sakura slapped a hand over her mouth to keep a cry ripping free from her throat, but it didn't work. Her shoulders shook with the force of her sobs. Tears beaded in her eyes and her vision blurred. She curled in on herself to try and combat her shaking, but Sasuke didn't acknowledge her. A breeze wafted through the open side of the watchtower. Sakura couldn't see much through her tears and she felt a strange lightness about her. It was only then that she realized they'd taken all her weapons from her. Sakura didn't know what was more horrifying: the situation they were in, or the fact that she'd lost it and was still alive.

Hanabi. Oh gods, Hanabi. What were they going to tell Hinata? What had the creatures done with her corpse? A moment later the sword sharpening abruptly stopped. Sakura felt slim fingers sliding through her hair.

It was strange how gentle Sasuke could be when he wanted to. He didn't say anything—the Uchiha never did unless he had to—but he was good at comforting through physical touch. In another corner of the room the twins and Michi were sleeping, dead to the world and all tangled up in a dog-pile. Yamamori was dozing under a patch of sun, and Jin was rolling up his wires. There was no Ai nearby, nor Kushimura or Suigetsu, and Susumu and Aya were missing, too.

"I'm sorry," Sakura managed to say between sobs, her voice muffled by her hand. The stroking sensation against her head stuttered, before starting again.

"It's okay," Sasuke said from somewhere above her. His deep voice was painfully hoarse. "I'll fix it."

Sakura didn't know what _it_ was, and she was too emotionally broken to care. She kept one hand braced against her mouth, the other curling in the fabric of Sasuke's pant leg. Her chest hurt badly. "M'so tired, Sasuke." Sakura was at the end of her tether. She'd been slowly marching towards the cliff for years, but now she was there and going over, and she wasn't looking forward to the impact.

"I'm tired, too," Sasuke admitted. Sakura knew he wasn't talking about the present. When Sasuke looked down Sakura saw three red eyes, a rinne sharingan in each. His expression was miserable in a blank, defeated sort of way. Everything was platitudes with them, and when the tears went away and the adrenaline wore off, all that was left was a _deadness_.

"How long?" she asked, letting Sasuke run his fingers through her hair. Sakura didn't have to elaborate for both of them to know that she was talking about his eyes. The Uchiha's lips pressed together in an unhappy line, his thick eyelashes sweeping downwards over poppy red sclera as he blinked. The eye on his forehead blinked too.

"They never turned off," he said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. Sakura's heart clenched in her chest. She sniffled hard and reached up to wipe at her tears, feeling confused and scared.

"What do you mean they never went off?" she asked. She missed Kakashi so much. She desperately wanted him back. Sasuke's hand was a heavy, gentle weight against her forehead. "I saw, I saw—the mangekyō—"

"It was a genjutsu," he said, then added, almost ashamed, "I can't… it doesn't work anymore. The creature—"

"But Kakashi—"

"No one can seal it. I just wanted, they wouldn't let me, so I just—" His voice cracked and Sasuke fell silent. Sakura began crying anew. A sound like a dying animal escaped her throat. Kakashi was gone and it had all been for nothing. She didn't know whom she was supposed to hate more. Over in the corner Jin continued to coil his wires with the methodical precision of a madman, seemingly deaf to the noise. One of the twins whimpered and covered his ears, turning over in his sleep to face the wall.

"Can I hold you?" Sasuke asked, snapping her out of her reverie. For a second Sakura didn't understand what he wanted. "You said I have to ask," he elaborated.

Through her tears she managed to nod _yes._ It didn't matter anymore. None of it did. Hanabi was dead and she'd tried to kill herself. She missed the Sasuke-kun of her childhood.

Slim hands dipped beneath her, picking her up; strong arms pulled her onto a warm lap before wrapping around her in a hug. Sasuke buried his face in the crook of her neck, and through her tears and the burn of nostalgia, Sakura found herself wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him back. Sasuke was trembling as he held her, his arms quivering as he rocked them back and forth. Eventually, Sakura's sobs quieted into whimpers, then shuddering breaths. She let her head rest against Sasuke's shoulder as she stared through the gap in the broken wall. All she could see was the sky. It was so blue and bright.

"Why is the sky like that?" she asked. Sasuke's reply was muffled.

"Rain went away," he said, speaking against her neck. "It's all gone. All the water." There was something odd about the order of his words, but Sakura was too tired to parse it. Something else was bugging her; a memory from a conversation she'd had with Sasuke, just prior to when they'd left Konoha.

"Is that why your eyes were hurting you? The pinched nerves, because of the genjutsu?"

"Yes."

"Does Naruto know?"

Sasuke shook his head and Sakura flinched in surprise. She hadn't been expecting that. "Why not?"

"Kakashi," he said simply, and Sakura didn't press it. She needed to ask something else, though. He had three, after all.

"Did you do _it_?" she said. Sasuke nodded against her shoulder. Sakura's heart sunk with a dull sort of dread. Naruto had given him free reign and no supervision for years, and Sasuke had always been drawn to power, especially when he was desperate. A portal was an easy target, like a bee to something sweet.

"I tried," he said, so quietly she could barely hear him. Jin kept coiling his wire, and Michi twitched in his sleep. "I thought maybe I could find them on the other side and bring them back, but they were always dead. Sometimes you were too."

"Oh Sasuke-kun," Sakura mumbled. "That's not how it works and you know it. You shouldn't be playing with the amenominaka. It's too dangerous." She sniffled and hugged him just a little bit tighter, her fingers curling in the hair at the nape of his neck. It was as soft as she remembered it, but tangled. "Where's Susumu?" she added. She had to check on him. He'd been so scared and Sakura felt horrible because of it. She needed to apologize right away.

"Outside," Sasuke said. "With Aya." His fingers spasming against her spine. "Don't do it again," he said, and he sounded so scared. "I'll fix it. I promise."

Sakura lay limp against his shoulder. She knew what he was talking about.

"Okay," she agreed, staring wide-eyed towards the broken wall. The sky was so blue, but theirs wasn't a love story. Theirs was a tragedy. Sakura wondered if the world looked different through three eyes instead of two.

* * *

 

There was no water as far as the eye could see.

Sakura had been asleep for thirteen hours, and in that time the rain had vanished and the flood had dried up. Ame had turned from a marshland into a desert. It was as if someone had uncorked a giant plug and sifted it all out, and afterwards whatever was draining the water just kept on chugging. For miles everything was as dry as a tinderbox. The grass was dulling down into a shade of brown. The earth had turned barren, the ground cracked wide open. It seemed as if the entire country was suffering from a years-long drought.

_Where is everyone? Where are the creatures?_

There were no monsters in Ame, anymore. The behemoths had left, and there was an eerie stillness about the area that Sakura found terrifying. Standing on the balcony of the watchtower she could see the outline of Ame's skyscrapers shimmering under the haze of the sun. There was no movement, there. Not a single nin had come to greet them, just like Kusa. Sakura leaned against the doorway, swallowing against the dry feeling in her throat and the sensation that her legs would snap. She sunk into a crouch, covering her mouth with a hand. Sasuke's chakra had faded but hers had barely returned.

She'd been feeling sick before this, but something about the time _after_ she'd woken up made her feel worse. Maybe it was the damage done by Sasuke's chakra, but Sakura had so little of her own that she couldn't do a self-diagnosis. A gust of wind whistled through the fields and the reeds rustled in response. Down below sixty feet away, Suigetsu was neck deep in the grass. He was searching for the rest of Hanabi's body.

Kushimura had swung down from the rooftop while Sasuke had been holding her, and had announced with a deadened monotone that the nin had taken off with the Hyuga's head. Sakura flinched at the news, but Sasuke's arm tightened around her back, his long fingers spreading against her spine. The sound of Kushimura speaking had woken Michi up, and the brown-haired shinobi had groaned and rolled over, covering his ears.

"Fuckin' Hozuki," he'd mumbled, drawing his knees to his chest and huddling inwards. "Someone shoot him this time."

The twins hadn't stirred, and neither had Yamamori, sleeping like a cat under the sun. Kushimura looked from Sasuke to Michi, then back again, his hands braced against the rebars jutting out of the crumbling cement wall. His eyes were back to their pale brown shade. The red was gone.

"Want me to get him?" he'd offered. Sakura felt Sasuke lean back, as if preparing to stand.

"No," he said. He'd sounded like LSF Captain and less like Sasuke then. "I'll do it." Kushimura disappeared without a word.

For a moment Sakura stayed where she was. There'd been a strange sort of breathlessness and a fluttering sensation in her chest, punctuated by extreme flashes of dizziness. It could have been a concussion but it didn't feel like one, and even if it had she didn't possess enough chakra to fix it. What Sakura really needed was the same thing she'd requested before—rest, and lots of it. Only she he didn't have that luxury anymore. None of them did.

Sasuke put a hand on either side of her head. Sakura just hung there, limp within his grasp. The third eye had still been open; an agonizing reminder of Kakashi's sacrifice, but Sakura had no tears to shed. "Will you be okay?" he asked. Sakura was too tired to mumble anything more than a _hnh._ She'd been seeing double too, and as the adrenaline drained and the cold, hard reality of their situation set in, she realized she needed to find her medical supplies and fix herself up as best she could. She needed to see to Juugo.

Sasuke drew back, but just before he'd gone he tried to kiss her; nothing more than a press of his lips to her left temple near the corner of her eye, but Sakura flinched hard. The Uchiha's fingers trembling against her face at her rejection. He'd gotten up and left without a word.

"Is Juugo alive?" Sakura asked Jin, who'd been coiling his wires by the wall. The nin glanced up, all snow white hair and lily white skin, looking like some sort of mutated version of a yuki-onna. The red had faded from his eyes, too, but Sakura knew she'd seen it. She had to ask Sasuke about it, but the thought of the conflict that would arise made her ill.

"Barely," Jin deadpanned, in relation to Juugo.

"Where is he?" Sakura asked. Jin had gone back to counting his wires, methodical and withdrawn as always.

"One level down. You aren't allowed to fix him. Uchiha's orders."

Sakura shot Jin a tired, unimpressed look and staggered to her feet. The deadness. The _deadness_ was what was driving her, she decided, but if she stopped too long and started to think she began to ask questions. She started to think about Kakashi. They didn't give her back her weapons and Sakura didn't bother to ask.

Then she went outside and she'd seen the sun. The dryness had Sakura wondering if she was going crazy. It felt like a mirage that had taken thought and form. Down below, Sakura could see Suigetsu's pale head of hair as he ambled with a frantic sort of drunkenness through the field, combing back and forth and pushing reeds aside. Sasuke was just behind him, trailing at a safe distance, the grass folding in on itself as soon as he passed. They were too far away for Sakura to hear them speaking, but when Sasuke reached out, putting his hand on Suigetsu's arm, the other nin violently slapped his hand away, stumbling further into the reeds.

_Where were the monsters?_

Sakura made her way down to the lower levels of the watchtower using a half-broken walkway, pulverized in places from the Sidewinder's arms. She looked down and the ground loomed up at an alarming pace. She wondered if she was going to fall. The thought was tempting, but Sakura managed to banish it at the last minute. _Not now,_ she decided. _Not in front of them. Not so soon after Hanabi._ It would've been too cruel, and the guilt over her previous actions was eating away at her, gnawing like rats.

Just like Jin had said Sakura found Juugo on the lower level, covered by a tarp except for his face and utterly still, her bag of medical supplies resting nearby. The smell of rot was overpowering, and Sakura gagged. Ai was curled up in a far corner of the room, her hands clasped over her mouth as she rocked. She was trying to silence her sobs. Sakura flinched upon seeing her, and had to fight the urge to immediately turn around and walk out.

_Meds. I need the meds,_ she reminded herself _._ But she couldn't ignore Ai, even as she swayed visibly in the doorway. She wouldn't.

"Do you need me to go?" she asked the kunoichi. Ai shook her head but she started rocking harder, pressing her forehead to the dusty cement. She was better at staying silent than Sakura had been; not a sound escaped her, except for the soft shuffle of her hair against the stone. Sakura took a shaky step towards her, then had to stop and brace her hand against the wall. She was seeing double. Triple. Something was wrong. Oh gods, she needed to do a diagnostic.

"Ai," she began, somewhat breathlessly.

In the silence Ai managed to choke out "she was my sister," in response to her half-spoken question. For a second Sakura thought she meant Hanabi. Then she remembered Etsuko, sliced into screaming wet chunks. She'd forgotten that other people besides Hanabi had died, and while the pain was bad the guilt was worse. Sakura had known that Ai, Etsuko and Yamamori were all related, but she'd thought the two women were cousins and nothing more.

_How dare you threaten suicide when the others didn't have a choice. You monster._

Miserable and feeling like she was going to collapse, Sakura stumbled over to her med pack, breathing through her mouth so she wouldn't puke at the overwhelming stench of rot. A great deal of Sakura's supplies had been lost in the scramble, as one of her packs had been unsealed during the time of the attack. Fingers trembling, she found one of Sasuke's s-boosters in a corner of her bag and swallowed it. Unfortunately it did nothing to mend her system. There was no sudden jolt of energy or a return of her chakra. When she found another s-booster Sakura downed it. This time she got a bit of a jolt, but it wasn't enough. It was probably enough to help Juugo, however: to keep him alive until they reached Ame.

Sakura took a painkiller for her headache and ripped open a cooling compress so she could apply it to the bump on the back of her head. Then she shuffled over to the fallen nin. She was afraid she was going to faint if she walked. Tying a rag around her nose to rid herself of the smell, Sakura lifted the tarp. Her heart sank, the sick roiling sensation in her stomach getting worse when she saw the damage that lay beneath. Juugo's bandages were soaked through with puss, and when Sakura pulled them aside there were the worms. Not as bad as they'd been before, but they looked suspiciously similar to the texture and quality of the Sidewinder's arms. The rot and boils had spread all the way down his side, the skin turning black where the decay was the deepest.

_Necrotizing fasciitis, from septic shock._ If Juugo didn't get adequate help within the next hour or so he would die. The best thing for him was probably a mercy killing, but Sakura couldn't do it. She couldn't even think about it for more than a second so soon after Hanabi. She searched through her pack for a shot of adrenaline and found two, although the needle on one of them was broken. Sakura put that aside and took the other one out, along with several rolls of bandages. Maybe she could keep Juugo alive long enough to get him to Ame, but her hands were shaking so violently she could barely hold the supplies. Her insides felt all wrong and twisted.

There was a sniffling sound from somewhere behind her, then Ai's voice, shaky and thin. "Uchiha says you're not allowed to fix him. You're too sick."

"I'm not using chakra," Sakura assured her. "Just giving him a shot to get to Ame. He might survive if we find something." She managed to get off the tarp, but had to sit down hard on her rump to keep herself from toppling over. Sakura brought the role of bandages to her lap. _Thump, thump ba-thump_ , went her heart, but it felt so strange in her chest. There was a pause in the conversation, where Sakura's hands trembled so badly she was on the verge of dropping the bandages. _Try not to think about it_ , she told herself.

"Can I get your help?" she asked Ai, breathing through her mouth. "It will move faster if you do."

Ai kept sniffling as she decided. Finally the kunoichi came to sit on the other side of Juugo. Sakura told her where to hold him while she cleaned his wounds and removed the worms with a pair of tweezers, but in the end it meant little as Juugo never stirred. Once she was done Sakura cleaned an injection spot and gave him a booster. Ai helped her with the bandages. The former Taka member was too heavy for her to do it on her own without the aid of chakra. Some of his flesh came off in their hands.

After the bandages were done Ai turned around and went back to her corner. Sakura surreptitiously put her hand to Juugo's chest. The septic shock worried her. She couldn't do much with the small amount of chakra she had, but she couldn't leave him. Using a shaky, barely-there stream of energy, Sakura tried to reverse a bit of the damage. She was successful for a few seconds before she hit a wall.

A wall, where her breathing just stopped and her heart thudded painfully. Her arms burned along her chakra pathways. Her fingers shook. Sakura didn't realize she was listing over until there was a clattering sound and she was bumping into the contents of her bag. She put her hands to the ground to stop herself from falling.

"Are you alright?" Ai asked, still crying. Sakura managed to nod. She felt disconnected, like she was floating and looking down on herself from very far away.

"I'll be fine," she said. "Just dizzy." Ai didn't seem to realize that she'd used her chakra, shaky and small as it was. "Can you watch him?" Sakura continued, pointing to Juugo. "I have to find Susumu." The kunoichi nodded. Sakura pulled herself to her feet and went outside, gripping the wall as she leaned against it. Down below in the bone-dry field Sasuke was trying to drag Suigetsu to the tower. Suigetsu was screaming something. On a lower level Sakura saw Susumu sitting on the edge of the balcony. Aya sat beside him. They didn't pay attention to her as she approached.

Susumu had his knees cocked and his arms folded atop, his pale head resting on his sleeves and the bones of his spine standing out in prominence. Aya had her hand on his back. The kunoichi chewed on something in a casual, unaffected way, although the rigidness of her posture suggested she was in a great deal of pain. She was watching Suigetsu and Sasuke.

"Deep breaths, remember?" she said, taking a bite of her nutrition bar. "Think of something else." Amongst the grass there was a shout. Then Suigetsu was pushing Sasuke away so hard the Uchiha stumbled. He began gesticulating savagely at the air with his hands, hurling obscenities.

"NO!" he screamed. "NO! FUCK YOUR PLAN! I'M DONE!"

Sasuke still trailed after him, silent but relentless. Aya followed the commotion with a heavy gaze. When she seemed to decide nothing was amiss, she turned and looked directly at Sakura. Sakura met her stare head on, although she knew the effect was ruined by the fact that she seemed dead on her feet. The other kunoichi's expression was colder than she'd ever seen it. Susumu didn't look up. Suigetsu kept on screaming.

"Can I talk to you, Susumu?" Sakura asked.

"You can fuck off," Aya quipped. Beside her Susumu curled up further, clenching his sharp nailed hands in his hair.

"Look, I wasn't talking to you," Sakura began, but Aya wasn't putting up with anything.

"Now you are," the kunoichi said, "and I'm telling you to get lost." She removed her hand from Susumu's back, savagely tugging her hair back into a rough approximation of a ponytail. "I'm done with you and your childish behavior. Go plead your case to the Uchiha."

"Listen," Sakura tried again, afraid she was going to collapse from the strain of standing. Then Susumu spoke.

"It's fine," he bit off, his voice muffled by his arms. Aya looked towards him, clearly disgusted, but said no more. Full of scorn, she spat over the ledge and grabbed her gunbai, launching herself off the walkway to land in a cloud of dust several stories below. Without looking back the kunoichi stalked off. Susumu stayed still. Sakura came and sat beside him.

"Susumu," she began, trying to get him to look at her, but he wouldn't. "Susumu-kun, I'm so sorry." Suigetsu was still screaming obscenities at Sasuke.

"They used to fight," Susumu mumbled against his knees, his sharp nailed fingers shearing through the ratty fabric of his haori as he gripped his own arms. His hair was completely dry with the heat, and it was so fine it was fluffing around his head. "I don't like it."

"Who used to fight?" Sakura asked. She thought he meant Sasuke.

"Kaasan and Aniki," he admitted, then added almost immediately, "sorry, it doesn't matter. It was a long time ago. Forget I said it." In a rush of clarity Sakura understood. She felt horribly guilty all over again, and for a moment she didn't care about propriety. Sakura leaned over and wrapped her arms around Susumu's shoulders, her fingers curling in the back of his haori as she held him tight.

The nin flinched. He was so skinny. Sakura was pretty sure he hadn't eaten in awhile, and wondered if it was because he was giving his food to others. It seemed like a Susumu-thing to do. She planted a quick kiss of apology against the top of his head, then leaned back, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder and sagging against him as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Sorry," she sniffled, looking down at her legs and the way they dangled over the edge. "M'so sorry. Thank you, for trying to stop him. Before this, I mean." Sakura could still remember the way he'd tried to pull her back; how he'd pleaded with Sasuke to stop what he was doing. Susumu shifted beside her. He slipped his clawed hand through hers, the gesture hesitant, almost as if he was afraid she would draw back at any second. He still wouldn't look at her.

"I like you, Sakura," he mumbled against his knees. "But I like Uchiha-san too."

"I'm sorry," Sakura repeated. "When we go back to Konoha, we'll visit Ayano."

"Okay," he said, gripping her hand a little tighter. Suigetsu's screaming had died down. When Sakura looked up, her curiosity piqued by the silence, she found Sasuke watching her and Susumu intently. Aya was watching them, too. Both of them had red eyes.

* * *

 

Ame was a city of bones.

It was dead and it was barren, and as the remains of their ragtag team stumbled through the ruins it became clear what had happened to all the people. The sky was bare and bleak of clouds, the air scorching. Aya walked in front with Sora and Shun, while Sakura wandered somewhere in the middle alongside Ai and Susumu. Sasuke took up the rear with the others.

Suigetsu had wandered off again. They'd managed to convince him to seal Hanabi's head in a scroll so it wouldn't rot, but that was it, and the former Mist nin hadn't given up on finding the body. Sakura was pretty sure the task was hopeless. She could see what had happened to the nins of Ame now, and she knew if they found Hanabi's bones they'd be lucky. Ahead of them the city's buildings rose up, tall and glinting crazily in the sunlight. Giant pieces of metal like twisted tongues stuck outwards at odd angles, and the wind whistled eerily in-between the abandoned buildings, the glass blown out. On the air there was a _rattling_ sound, like the creaking of a wind vane going back and forth in the breeze. Everything smelt of ash and dryness.

As Sakura walked she could hear the bones crunching beneath her feet. When she looked down she could see them clearly; ribs and femurs and eyeless skulls, bleached white under the blazing sun and stripped of flesh and sinew. All that was left to Ame were the skeletons strewn about like refuse. They had been people once, she mused. They'd possessed their own hopes and dreams and desires; the center of a micro-verse, snuffed out and relegated to oblivion. These were the killing fields, where the ribs rattled and Sakura's hope died in her throat. She was having a hard time distinguishing fact from fiction. When she took a step forward she couldn't feel her foot as it hit the ground. When she closed her eyes she saw Hanabi. She saw the headless corpse standing upright, her hands outstretched as she shuffled forward.

_Help me,_ Hanabi said, only Hanabi wasn't there anymore. _Don't let me die,_ she pleaded, but Sakura did.

"Sakura," someone whispered. She opened her eyes and looked down. Hanabi's severed head rested by her feet, her red eyes accusing. "Sakura, help me. I can't feel my legs."

Sakura shuddered. She almost vomited, because how could Hanabi's head be talking to her when she was already dead? Then she remembered Suigetsu had Hanabi's head, sealed in a scroll to keep it from rotting. This was just a nightmare she couldn't wake up from. Sakura swallowed and shook her herself, putting her hand to her temple as she tried to will the fuzziness away. _Almost to Ame_ , she told herself, but the village seemed so far off. The LSF briefly came to a stop as Jin adjusted Juugo against his back, and when they did Ai started crying openly.

Nearby, Susumu hunched down into a pale little ball and rested his head on his knees. He didn't get up.

"Endless," Aya spat, dragging her hand across her mouth as she stared at the sea of bones. "Fucking endless."

Behind them Sasuke stood still as he observed the grasslands in silence, all three of his eyes open. The arid breeze ruffled his tangled black hair. He hadn't said much since the watchtower—had almost been standoffish around Sakura since they'd left—but she was grateful for it. She needed time to herself now to get better.

"He's one step away from another breakdown," Tsunade always said. "Seriously, don't push him. He can't handle it." But Tsunade had disappeared and Naruto was a fool. So Sasuke had been shipped off to the front lines to channel his aggression, only now Sakura could see the idea clearly hadn't worked. If he snapped there was very little anyone could do about it, especially with the rinne sharingan.

Ame. They needed to get to Ame, she recalled, but for some reason she was having a hard time drawing air into her lungs. What was wrong with her?

The others weren't paying attention.

"I think we should run," Michi drawled from somewhere off to the side. Sakura stumbled and nearly fell. "Just… I don't know. Go somewhere they aren't." The nin kicked at the bones with his feet. They made a clattering sound.

"Shut up, Michi," said Ai, and her eyes were red from crying. "We're going back."

"There's no _back_ to go to."

"You don't know that."

"Look around you! Nothing but bones!"

" **Both** of you," Aya snarled, and she was trembling visibly, her fingers vibrating against her mouth. "Shut up. I can't think." Sakura was starting to see stars. She stumbled again and tried to stay conscious. Susumu just sat there amongst the skeletons, his face pressed to his knees as he fiddled with someone's rib. _Almost to Ame,_ Sakura told herself. _Then you can rest._ She felt like she was falling.

"Sakura," Hanabi's severed head said, resting on the dusty ground. "Sakura, I can't feel my legs. Help me." Sakura stumbled a third time and gasped. Her chest clenched with a spasm. She couldn't breathe.

"Should we keep moving?" someone asked. Their words rebounded inside Sakura's head as if she'd stood too close to a flash bomb. Spots of black appeared across her field of vision and the world tilted sideways. She felt the blackness rising up and a drop in her stomach. A floating sensation made its way through her limbs, and for a brief, stuttering second, all she could think of was the mundane.

"Of course," another person responded. "We need to get to Ame."

"You mean we have nothing left."

_I forgot to turn off the kitchen lights before I left,_ she realized. _I promised Ino I would go out for dinner with her when I got back. Someone has to tell her I'll be late_.

"I can't breathe," Sakura tried to say, but the words wouldn't come out right. Everything was so bright.

"You'll be with me soon," Hanabi said, and Sakura's legs gave way. _Thump, thump, ba-thump_ went her heart, except it wasn't beating. There was no Sakura anymore. Only bones, and darkness.


	11. Interlude I, Sasuke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Revised April 3, 2018

He sees her fall.

She's standing there and then she isn't, and in a flash of sallow skin and pale pink hair Sakura's going down and his feet are moving, scrabbling across the drought-cracked earth. Only he's not fast enough. Trained to be the fastest, and he was for a time, but never when it counts. Not with his parents. Not with his clan. Not with Itachi. There's this twisting sensation inside of him, the name _Sakura_ repeating like a thunderous metronome inside his head.

Sasuke doesn't talk much. He doesn't talk because he's no good at it, and beyond the occasional _hnh_ or commands to do _x, y_ and _z,_ he's actually terrified of speaking. He knows he'll put his foot in his mouth only that foot is a sword and then everything's blood and ruin. He's spent too long locked inside his own head, with nothing but the ghosts of his present to keep him company. They claw at him, these ghosts, and Sakura clawed at him too, when he stood over the mangled bodies of her parents. He doesn't remember it all—just bits and pieces, pasted together with rotting tape—but he remembers her. Small and pink and everything Sakura, and _where was Sakura where was she, left her on the bench but she wasn't there, have to find her—_

"Sasuke, stop!" she'd screamed at him, and he'd tasted blood. Tasted ash, and metal. Felt her fists strike against his chest, again and again, but nothing was stronger than the rinne sharingan. Sasuke had found Sakura and he'd had been glad, but there were blank spaces after that. Periods of darkness, with nothing but the sound of his own pulse thudding in his ears. Kakashi had tried to stop him. Sasuke remembers this about his former sensei all too well. He remembers his sword resting at the hollow of Kakashi's neck.

_Let her go,_ the Copy-nin had said, and Sakura had screamed. But Sasuke didn't like it when Sakura screamed, and _how dare you touch her, how dare you take her, she's not yours, let me keep just this one thing,_ and—

_No one hurts my clan._

Sakura doesn't scream that much, anymore. Not till now. Not till the killing fields where Hanabi finally went under. When they were back in Konoha she mostly avoided him and the silence hurt. Seeing her fall hurts, too, because Sasuke isn't fast enough to catch her. Fucking failure of the Uchiha clan. Fucking last one, too.

_You're a walking disaster_ , Naruto used to joke, only it's not so funny because it's true. Before—when he was still angry with everyone—he would have liked this, Sasuke thinks. Sometimes you need to destroy the old to usher in the new. Except he's kind of sick of being an avenger. He wants to be put-together, like Naruto. Itachi is dead and so is the rest of his clan.

_What about us?_ Aya always snarls when Sakura's not there. _What about this? We're you're team. Don't forget your promise._ They're all monsters, the LSF, but they're his to slay. Sasuke keeps his vows like priests keep to their religion; fervently, stitched together with delusions.

He's not running right. His feet are too loud against the ground. Everywhere there is the crackle of Chidori and the screeching of birds. Sakura hates him, Sasuke knows, but he doesn't blame her for it because he hates Sasuke Uchiha too. He hates the chakra that feels so much like Madara's; he hates the blood and the ghosts that claw at him, the way that his nightmares never leave. He tried to fix it, once. He'd dragged a knife across his throat because death brought about atonement, but they brought him back, kicking and screaming. When Sasuke looks in the mirror he sees Madara's face and Kaguya's eyes. Eternal eyes. Saṃsāra eyes. Three times he tried to dig them out—or maybe it was four—because he couldn't stand the red of the rinne sharingan.

Naruto took away all his mirrors, and that's okay, but every now and then Sasuke will see himself in a reflective surface and he'll start thinking. Sasuke is not really Sasuke anymore, he decides—just a collection of parts, pasted together with flesh and sinew. He's a golem with Madara's face and Kaguya's sclera and Itachi's sacrifice; the weight of his dead clan sitting like a yoke across his shoulders. Heavy is the burden of the sole survivor.

_Little brother,_ Itachi says to him on the really bad days, when he's chomping at the bit and Naruto's forbid him from lurking outside Sakura's office like a stalker. _She isn't kaasan. Don't drive her to it._ But Sasuke can't help it because he's so lonely.

_Uchihas don't ask,_ Madara says. _Uchihas take._ His words became a mantra of what-not-to-do, because Sasuke may not be himself anymore but he doesn't want to be the Clan Head either. Sasuke just wants his family, so he collects people like puzzle pieces. Sakura is family. Naruto's family too, and so is the LSF. Kakashi was family but Kakashi's dead now. Sakura is dying. Everything's burnt.

Sakura. Sakura _._ He's losing his balance he's so terrified, but the rinne sharingan still isn't working so he can't teleport to get to her. She's just lying there like a limp pink doll and he doesn't think he can take it again.

_She knows your chakra. Besides, it's not like she's going to die right this second,_ Naruto always said, but she is. When Sasuke first met him he made Ueda tail her.

Susumu was real small and quiet. Nice and sweet, and Sasuke thought he was trustworthy. Clan brat, like himself. Orphan like him, too. Big brother like Itachi as well, but he loves his little sister and he didn't kill his mother, so Sasuke said _watch_ and Ueda agreed, only Ueda doesn't just watch anymore and he's too eager to please. It was a mistake and now Sakura's falling. Ueda's reaching for her.

"Sakura!" Sasuke screams, only he doesn't really know if it's him that's screaming, because he hasn't really sounded this raw-voiced and shaky since he found the bodies of his parents. Sakura's a pile of ratty clothes amongst a pile of bones when he reaches her. She's so thin that she sort of looks like a skeleton, too, all thin and insubstantial. Sasuke tried to give her space before, because he knows that he upsets her, but Ueda hasn't done his job and now she's starving. Sandals scrabble through bleached bones, crunching skulls and femurs. The ghosts are clinging to him and in the back of his brain Madara is throwing himself against his cage, trying to break loose. Itachi is pleading with him to calm down.

"Uchiha-san," Susumu begins, but then Sasuke's there and he's pushing Ueda away so fast he's sliding across the ground. Sasuke doesn't care that he's hurt him. Sakura isn't moving. The screech of the birds becomes louder.

_Get a hold of yourself,_ Naruto yells, but Sasuke just can't help it. It's Sakura and he misses her so much that every morning when he wakes up and she's not there he thinks he's going to die. Shaking fingers curl around too-thin shoulders, terrified of the bones rising up in sharp relief beneath her skin. Sakura's head lolls to the side when he picks her up, and her eyes stare outwards, utterly unseeing. A thin trail of blood drips past her lips.

"Sakura?" he asks. Sasuke wants to shake her awake but doesn't, because Sakura's not feeling so well and the movement might actually hurt her. "Sakura, wake up." She just lays there, half in his lap and half out of it, her head resting against his arm. The world is rotting. Corpses, crunching like gravel beneath his feet. All he wants is for her to be healthy again. Even if she hates him that's okay. He's never been able to escape his past and neither has she, so he'll settle for half-truths, he thinks. He'll sell his soul for them.

"Sakura?" he says again, but she doesn't answer. The wind meanders through Ame, crying.


	12. A Persistence of Apathy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Chapter underwent major revision as of April 3, 2018 to avoid a plot hole. Sorry guys I just wasn't feeling the previous version.

Sakura remembered feeling worthless.

She remembered **being** worthless, as part of a loving but otherwise unimportant family; an unfortunate fact in a village where importance was everything and love was secondary. Civilians were chattel during times of war, and shinobi were meat for the grinder. The only thing you were good for was knowing how to butcher someone else like a pig. Families like hers were dead weight in a shinobi village. From the time she could walk and the time she could talk, Sakura had realized this. She'd had the fact driven into her like a sledge hammer, nails through her bones, and had accepted it in the way that most young children do; as absolute truth, without reservation, rot grafting onto her psyche so deep she never got rid of it.

Her parents had tried to protect her from the worst of it. They were good parents; affectionate and well-meaning without a cruel bone in their bodies, but lacking money or bloodlines. They'd immigrated to Konoha shortly after Sakura was born because they'd decided it was better to die in a hidden village than out in the middle of nowhere. Really, it was all a matter of location. The cruel calculus of poverty.

"If we die, we want someone to know that you're there," her otousan told her, years later. The words burned her, even now: the knowledge of her own family's worth in comparison to a clan's. They'd been dirt poor in the beginning, but Sakura's parents had tried their best with what little they'd been given, working in a small produce shop as hired hands, doing odd jobs here and there to pay for the basics. Sakura had been fastidious as a child and very smart, and early on she'd been able to see the difference between herself and the other children. She'd felt shame for her situation, and for her parents. They'd had nothing but they still looked out for her. Sakura didn't want the rest of the village looking down on them.

Maybe that's why she hadn't liked Naruto, Sakura mused. He'd been a reminder of where she'd come from—of where _they'd_ come from, scrounging in the dirt—but unlike her he'd always embraced it. The Hokage had never tried to hide from his roots. Sakura was just nerves. Nothing but nerves and crippling neuroses, and as a child she'd been consumed by want. She'd wanted all sorts of things she couldn't have but desperately needed, and she felt horrible for asking for them because her parents didn't have much. So Sakura started wishing for things that were purposely outrageous; she'd started dreaming of things she knew she'd never, ever get, because then the disappointment didn't cut so deep.

That was why she'd started liking Sasuke, in truth. Not because Ino had liked him first, or because she'd found him pretty. He'd been the second son of the Uchiha clan head; the most important clan in all Konoha, and a literal representation of the village's worth. She hadn't.

"Here," Sasuke had said the first time they'd met, holding out a small hand that had been sticky from dango. He'd been blushing like mad. "Here, Itachi says you can have one too."

They'd been four at the time—if that—and standing there in her faded sundress, her hair covering her eyes, Sakura had allowed herself to like sweet, stuttering Sasuke just a bit. She'd never told anyone about the first time they'd met. The memory was hers—worthless and cocooned away in a pile of things she'd labelled _interesting_ —but also because she was sure that Sasuke didn't remember and Itachi was dead. It was safe.

"Are you from a clan?" Itachi had asked as they'd stood across from her on the street. He'd been holding Sasuke's hand in his. Sakura hadn't answered, watching as Sasuke had huddled up against his older brother's leg. Instantly she'd known they were shinobi. She hadn't been able to articulate why at the time, but she'd been able to feel it. The tingling sensation that accompanied their chakra was just one of those things that she'd always noticed, like the sky was blue and the grass was green and blood was red. "Where are your parents?" Itachi continued. Sasuke rocked sideways and buried his face in the fabric of his brother's pants.

"Itachi," he'd mumbled. "Itachi, m'tired."

"Shh, Sasuke. Just a moment," Itachi replied.

Sakura didn't have many memories of Itachi before he'd defected, but he'd always struck her as someone who was kind and soft. Sasuke had been kind too, she guessed, but he'd lost it by the time they made it to the Academy. Eventually Sakura had come to love him, despite his flaws, but in the beginning she'd simply coveted him for what he was: clan brat, utterly unobtainable, and so far out of reach that he'd been safe to dream about. Naruto had been a little too tangible for her tastes. It had been yet another reason why she'd pushed him away; another piece of miscellaneous baggage from her childhood that she'd attempted to dump. But Sakura sucked at letting go of her past, and so did Sasuke.

"It's okay," the Uchiha gasped, right after he'd kissed her. His skin had been red with her parents' blood and the third eye was open. "It's okay. Konoha hurt me too. We'll make them pay."

Sakura didn't like that memory, even less than the ones concerning her childhood. She'd envied the shinobi although she'd never actually decided to **be** one, nor had she been given much of a choice. Konoha didn't care about unimportant things: before they'd realized she had chakra, Sakura had known that Ino was going to be a nin and she wasn't.

Achievements were built on the backs of others: on the blood and the bones and the bodies of those that came before. Sakura had learned early on in life that she had no bones, nor bodies to speak of, that she was just a sack of flesh without the structure, and being smart meant nothing if you were poor. She had neither clan nor legacy to speak of, no specialized jutsus or kekkei genkais. She did have chakra, though, which made her a particular type of shinobi who was good for one thing. Sakura **had** been cannon fodder, right from the get-go; someone to slaughter while the more valuable nins ran away. It hadn't been until Sasuke had defected that she'd come to terms with this fact, and afterwards Sakura had tried to prove Konoha wrong for the longest time. It was part of the reason why she'd decided to become a medic. Medics were valuable, and she wanted that.

"She'll get a salary," the recruitment officer said as he'd sat across from her parents. Sakura had listened with a straight face and an even straighter back. "She'll be paid very well, and in the event of her death you'll receive a payout. All immediate family members do, and all her schooling and supplies will be provided for by the village."

Her kaasan had cried. Her otousan had hummed and hawed, but Sakura said yes. It was her choice, she decided, but it wasn't. It was her life to live, but Konoha owned it. She wanted importance.

Sakura's memories were a blur after that; an endless succession of blood and bones and the bits of brains; of seeing herself trying to succeed and failing, then trying again and getting… tattered. Sakura saw her team leave her behind, again and again. She saw friends who had been born into the shinobi world and felt like an imposter sitting next to them.

Then Sasuke was there. Current Sasuke, all Uchiha white and red with inky black hair. His three eyes were open, his bloody hands curled as he staggered sideways. He looked thoroughly out of it. As Sakura slowly clued into her surroundings, she realized the world was red too. The ground beneath her was taking shape, then dissolving into an endless field of corpses. War corpses that were bent and twisted, with a red moon hanging heavy overhead. Sakura stared at Sasuke and felt nothing. There was a tingling sensation in the center of her chest.

"You shouldn't be here," she told him, because these were her memories and this was her head. She almost felt offended by the Sasuke-mirage trying to invade it. "Why are you here?"

"No," Sasuke muttered, staggering. He reached for her, shaking his head. "No, it wasn't like this."

"I want you to leave."

" **No**."

Sakura remembered, then; she remembered every time he'd pushed her away and every time he'd tried to kill her. She remembered every time she'd needed his help and Sasuke was never there. The Uchiha was an absent shadow, clinging to her past but entirely ethereal. And there was this void, this gulf between them: they were both Shinobi, but different types. She was the kind that had been raised to be sacrificed. It was pure luck that she'd become something more, but Sakura was still tethered to a corpse.

Blood was lapping around her ankles now. Warm blood, and everywhere she looked Sakura could see dead nins. This had definitely not been part of her memories, so she began to wonder. She began to think about the strange tugging sensation in her chest and how she'd felt almost weightless until this very moment. Suddenly her limbs were heavy.

"I remember," Sasuke said, his hands trembling as his eyes bled. The world was beginning to warp around them, bending and twisting like light through a glass. Across from her the Uchiha's skin was cracking, his face beginning to fall apart like unfired porcelain. "I remember too," he said, frantically tapping his hand to his chest. "It was me."

Sakura realized where she was, then. She got very, very angry. "Get out of my head, Sasuke. Your illusions won't work here." For a second, she'd thought she'd died. She knew she had.

The heaviness in her chest got heavier. There was cotton in her ears and her senses were in a fog. It was strangely bright out, but Sakura could sense a shadow leaning over her. Slowly, the heaviness spread to her fingers and toes, and Sakura could make out the details of the shadow leaning over her; she could see three red eyes and shaking lily-white hands as Sasuke gasped and curled over her.

She was awake. Her eyes were open. It was **real**.

"Alright, Sasuke," someone said. Just to her left Sakura could sense another shadow moving closer. The ache in her chest was unbearable. "Alright, give me Pinky. We just… we just gotta fix her up. No harm, I swear."

Sasuke's gasps turned into coughs. Sakura felt his chakra roil in wave of killing intent, spreading out and blanketing the area, and she let out a ragged gasp in turn, sucking in much-needed air. It hurt so much to breathe. She was seeing stars. There was no numbness this time. The sun was shining.

"Me too," Sasuke said through chattering teeth as he leaned over her. "Me too. I have no bones, just flesh. We're the same."

Then the aftereffects of the tsukuyomi hit her. Sakura leaned to the side and vomited.

* * *

 

They made it to Ame more or less in one piece. When Sakura woke again it was to find herself resting on an abandoned cot in the middle of a bombed out building in a manner that was disgustingly reminiscent to the watchtower. Time was a circle, looping in on itself, only this time Sakura felt worse. Mentally she was more collected, but she had even less patience. She'd died, or she'd come close to death, but Sasuke had somehow dragged her back from the afterlife. Despair gave way to apathy, and apathy slowly gave in to a nihilistic sort of rage. She was still scared, but Sakura was done feeling sorry for herself, and if she couldn't find a way to escape the circle she was going to break it.

She had been emotional about her situation before—too weighed down by her past and everything Sasuke—but academic reasoning was one of her greatest strengths. Somewhere in between the sorrow of non-existence and the field of corpses, emotional ultimatums gave way to the analysis. She'd been going about it all wrong, Sakura decided—Sasuke, the monsters, the LSF, even herself. Being sick did that to a person, but she had to adapt. The past was the past and Sakura was going to move into the future. If she couldn't get rid of him she was going to drag the Last Uchiha right along with her.

Cracking open eyes that were swollen with sleep, Sakura took a cursory glance around her and decided _yes_ , she was still alive, and _no_ , she didn't know how to feel about that. She didn't remember too much right after she'd been brought back from the dead—there were gaps in her memory, periods of emptiness where nothing escaped—but she remembered waking up. She remembered Sasuke leaning over her, then her turning to the side and vomiting, followed by someone mentioning something about _Pinky_. That had probably been Suigetsu, which meant he hadn't run off. This was good.

Reaching up to rub at her eyes, Sakura discovered that someone had managed to insert an IV drip into the back of her hand. It was bruising from where the needle had gone in. Her vision was warping, but they'd probably given her some sort of drugs to stabilize her. It what she would have done, and her eyes feeling itchy were a side-effect. The hospital bed she was resting on was ill-used and slightly less dirty than the rest. Rows of additional beds were scattered every which way across the floor, overturned like dominoes with their legs in the air and blankets twisted. Sakura looked above her and saw a ceiling made of cement. A dim yellow bulb flickered in the center. The infirmary was smaller than Konoha's and much more drab. Old bloodstains dotted the floor, but there were no bodies. Just the smell of staleness and metal.

_Break it,_ a voice whispered to her, and Sakura thought it might be hers. _Break everything._ She had to think her way out of this situation, and she knew she couldn't repeat the same mistakes. Sakura looked around, and saw no Sasuke. She saw no Juugo either, who **should** have been in the infirmary. Although she knew what this meant, the knowledge of his absence didn't fill her with despair. Apathy—once it set in—was persistent.

Nearby, Jin was rooting around in the debris with finicky movements, picking out bits of discarded wire. Vaguely, Sakura wondered what he did with all of it.

"Jin," she said. Her voice was raspy, her throat feeling like sandpaper. Jin still looked up. His eyes were their regular icy blue, his white hair rustling in the breeze. His face was a mask. "Where are the others?" Sakura asked. She coughed again and swallowed uncomfortably, continuing to rub at her chest.

Jin turned his head and went back to rooting through the debris. He reminded her of a magpie, searching for shiny things.

"Around," the nin hedged.

"Juugo?" Sakura asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"He didn't make it."

Sakura screwed her eyes shut, rubbing more insistently at her chest. Everything hurt, but it didn't. She was alive, but she didn't know if she cared. _Break it,_ she thought. _Don't think about Juugo. He's better off now, and you know it._

"I need to speak to Sasuke," she said.

Jin's response was evasive, at best.

"Alright," he replied. He went out and got him.

* * *

 

Sasuke was a mess. He'd been a mess before all this, but now those cracks in his mask were canyons and the tenuous relationship he'd had with reality was out in the open for all to see. Sakura suspected the LSF were fully aware of just how unhinged he was, but there was something jarring about seeing the jerky way in which he carried himself, all twitching limbs and picking at his neck like he'd done during his psychotic breaks. He wasn't as skinny as he'd been right after he'd tried to kill himself, but he was just as hollow-eyed; just as blood splattered, his hair un-brushed and his free hand flexing around the hilt of Kusanagi.

All three eyes were open now, but the tomoes weren't spinning. Sakura had been trying to decide how to prioritize her list of soul-crushing tasks upon waking up, but now it was fairly obvious that she had to deal with him first. She'd died and then come back, and Juugo had passed away in the interim. Sasuke did not react well to losing things. Sakura was glad her own apathy had finally set it; if they were both insane there was no way she was going to break anything.

"How long was I out?" she asked, still lying on her side and curled up on the cot. Her voice weak from sickness and her limbs were limp; she was suffering from acute exhaustion, among other things, and there was no way she was moving anywhere anytime soon. Sasuke shuffled forward, his long white fingers picking compulsive at his throat. The skin was bleeding and scabbed over in places, but Sakura had no chakra to heal it, nor was she going to risk it. She'd already done that with Juugo and paid the price.

"Just a day," Sasuke said. Sakura was alone with him in the room, but she didn't know if she wanted to be. Jin had dragged him in and vacated. Exhaustion had a way of dulling the brain, but she knew that it was very, very dangerous to be around Sasuke when he was cracking. Her parents had paid the price for it. So had Kakashi. "Just… just a day this time. A day." His fingers twitched again against his neck.

"Did the creatures come back?"

"No," he said. This time there was a twitch of his left eyelid; the slight jerk of his head to the side. He was a puppet on strings, just like her, only with Sasuke everything was amplified and physical. Such was the life of a prodigy. "No, not yet. No water either."

"Is anyone alive?" Sakura asked next. The silence of Ame was telling _._

"No."

She felt ill at the news—because that was two villages in a row now—but the lack of surprise made it hurt less. Sasuke was still twitching, staring at the floor. How the LSF had managed to survive him for six years was a mystery, but she supposed it had to do with the fact that the Uchiha was loathe to let go of anything once he decided he wanted it. Naruto was good at handling him when he was like this but Naruto wasn't there, so it was up to her to deal.

"How did Juugo go?" she asked.

Sasuke looked over her shoulder towards a hole in the wall. His lips trembled so badly he seemed like he was on the verge of sobbing. Sakura remembered with uncomfortable clarity how hard Sasuke crashed, and fast. _Bad question_ , Sakura decided, _don't ask it again,_ but before she could switch the topic to something safer Sasuke was speaking.

"Heart," he muttered, his deep voice stilted. "It gave out. Too… too much rot. Haven't gotten rid of the body yet." He probably wouldn't, knowing him. Sakura wondered if Juugo had died at the same time she had or afterwards, but didn't voice this thought.

"Where's Suigetsu?"

"Looking for Hanabi."

"Hanabi's dead, Sasuke." It hurt to say it, but the point needed to be driven home.

"He's looking for Hanabi," Sasuke reiterated. It really **was** like talking to a puppet, and the Uchiha's neck was red from scratching, blood crusting beneath his fingernails. Sakura knew it was the wrong thing to ask, but she had to do it before he was too far gone.

"How did you heal me?"

Sasuke flinched again. She'd been deathly ill and lacking chakra, and Sakura was fairly certain her heart had stopped. Without another medic on the team she should have kicked it, but she was here now and the Uchiha was suddenly fading faster than she was. Sakura was convinced that it had to do with that damn third eye, because that was what had heralded the start of his psychotic break the last time.

"Sasuke," Sakura repeated. Her tone was softer than before, but Sasuke still flinched as if she'd struck him. ""What jutsu did you use?" The Uchiha just stood there, scratching at his neck and his left eyelid twitching. The cycle was about to repeat and Sakura decided that she'd had enough.

"I'm tired," she said. She meant tired of everything—of them, of this—but she ended up gesturing to herself and her own IV-linked hand, and the Uchiha looked up. All three of Sasuke's eyes spun erratically, his hand stilling against his neck. Unfortunately the trembling of his lips got worse.

"Sorry," he said, walking forward. "Aya put the IV in, but she's not trained. We made do with what we had. Hold… hold on."

He went over to a nearby cupboard next to a bombed-out window, rooting around in it. When his head re-emerged he was carrying an extra brown blanket—some sort of hospital sheet—and a disused pillow. Sakura scrubbed at her face and took a deep, shaky breath, trying to even out her breathing as he walked back to her. She was too tired for this. She wanted to move past everything but she needed to sleep. _Get him on track. Ask a different question._

"I don't… I feel like we're going in a circle, Sasuke," she admitted as he reached her. "I feel like we're going to end up killing each other."

Sasuke's left eyelid fluttered as he put the pillow down, then the blanket. "I'd never kill you," he said. His hand went up, rubbing at his shoulder as if it was disjointed, then over his face, desperately, as if trying to scrub it of sleep. "Ever. I won't."

_You have before,_ Sakura wanted to say, but it wasn't worth it. Scrubbing her own face a second time—hating how itchy her eyes felt—she held out her hand to him. He was getting more agitated and she needed to keep him calm. Her arm wavered horribly in the air from the strain. Just as she was about to drop it back onto the bed Sasuke stiffly unwrapped his fingers from the blanket, his hand reaching out to grasp hers. His expression was wide and deer-like, as if he couldn't quite understand that she was reaching for him first, after all this time.

"I don't want to fight anymore," she explained. "I'm tired." He nodded, but still twitched and scratched. "Thank you for saving me," she added.

"You're welcome." He wasn't looking her in the eye. Sakura decided that it was probably better to talk to Aya. She wasn't going to get much more out of him.

"Can I speak to Aya?"

"Okay," Sasuke said, making absolutely no move to go get the other nin, his thumb running over the back of her hand to fiddle with the bump of the IV. She hated the three eyes.

As if reading her mind, Sasuke gestured to his own face with a pale finger. "I changed it," he said, and Sakura frowned. When she didn't react that third eye blinking open like a slit of red, and he pointed to it. "The eyes. That's how I saved you."

"I figured as much," Sakura said, feeling her anxiety rise. He shook his head, gripping her hand harder.

"No. The eyes. It's a jutsu that I—you, you said I should fix things. That's how I fixed you. You're one of us now. Like the others."

_Oh,_ Sakura thought. Then, _fuck._


	13. Oni

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Please reread the chapter before this. Had to make some rather large changes to it to make it fit with the rest of the story (ironically—or perhaps un-ironically—I wrote myself into a plot-hole).

It was a buzzing sound that she heard: a ringing, almost, like a light bulb that was on the verge of being overloaded. Sakura thought she was imaging it for the first few seconds that it sprung up. She was imagining too many things, she decided, because she'd been through a lot in the past forty-eight hours and her brain was probably breaking under what Sasuke had said. It had to be a joke, right?

"What do you mean?" she asked. She may have been too weak to get up, but she could hear him just fine. She could hear the soft, Theremin-like sound of the wind whistling through the cracks in the abandoned building. The sun dappling through the ruins of the hospital was especially cruel. Why was it sunny outside, she wondered absently. _It's supposed to be rainy_ , but that was usually the way of these things. What was on the outside often didn't match her mood.

Sasuke held her hand in his, massaging the back of her palm with his rough one. He was terrifying in that moment—as he usually was when he got especially unhinged—but also sad, because he didn't seem to realize how much he was scaring her. Sakura had always known he clung to the past closer than was necessary, but some part of her had always brushed it off as a quirk.

The three red rinnegan with concentric circles stared down from beneath that black hair: the regular ones, plus the third, infinitely more dangerous eye in the center of his forehead that Kakashi was supposed to have sealed. As she stared at it, Sakura was struck by how terrible it was. Her teacher's death had been for nothing.

"You're like us now," Sasuke repeated, not clarifying anything. Up close the sleepless circles above his cheekbones were stark. "I should have done it before, but I was worried Naruto would find out."

"I'm like you," Sakura parroted, flatly. Sasuke nodded, swallowing visibly as he coughed. Unbidden, Sakura's free hand went to her forehead, feeling for the skin that was there. She traced the shape of her jewel, smooth and cool, but nothing else. The lack of a third eye did little to calm her: she remembered the LSF huddled in the delta as the sidewinder passed, their pupils blazing crimson. She needed a mirror.

"Harder to kill," Sasuke agreed. The Uchiha adjusted the blankets around her, unfolding the brown one and flapping it wide with a _snap_. Sakura shuddered when his hand slid beneath her back. She winced as he helped her up, the pads of his fingers rubbing against the raw nubs on her spine. Had she always been this thin, she wondered? She began to protest, asking him to put her down, but he managed to get her into the crook of his arm, his bicep around her back and her head flopping to the small of his neck as his now-freed hands awkwardly fiddled with the fabric. He dropped the pillow beneath her.

Sakura tried to concentrate on anything other than his eyes: on the way she could feel the corded muscle on his arm beneath his shirt. He was warm and his throat bobbed against her forehead, his black hair tickling her nose. It was getting too long.

_There are only two eyes. Kakashi didn't die for nothing._

"Sasuke," she began, very carefully. She needed to get away from him to regain her bearings. He was being so gentle with her, but he wouldn't stop twitching. She could smell his blood. Where was Aya? "Can you put me—"

"You need to stay inside until your heart's better," he said, wrapping the blanket around her front. Sakura reached out, gripping his hand that was fiddling with the fabric in an effort to remove it. He mistook it for affection and cupped her head, his long fingers spreading through her hair. "We should be okay for now. The creatures are… they're still out there, but they've passed us to the east. We just have to keep our chakra masked." Less hesitantly than before—when he'd hugged her in the watchtower—he pressed a kiss to her forehead, then put their foreheads together, their noses touching. Sakura went very still as she felt that third eye blink closed against her skin.

"Sasuke-kun," she said. As much as she tried to tamper the emotional reaction she had to it, she felt like she was crawling out of her skin. He stroked her hair, his very red eyes staring into hers. This close the circles of the rinnegan were all she could see, the tomoes spinning slowly.

"I'm sorry," he said hoarsely. The strain was from disuse, now: he rarely talked this much. "I know you don't believe me, but I am. After this, when we get back, I'll make things right for our clan."

Sakura's her heart dropped like a fruit pit: light and clattering against the emptiness of her stomach. She'd heard him speak like this once before, and it was when he'd killed her parents.

"Sasuke," she said, clutching at the hand that cradled her head. "The clan's not real. You're having another episode, understand? We need to get you back to Naruto." The loss of his team must have finally pushed him over the edge.

Sasuke frowned: his features twisting into a strange, befuddled expression like he was struggling to process her words. He shook his head _no_ as Sakura shook her head _yes_. One rough thumb came up to swipe at her cheek beneath her eye, and belatedly Sakura realized that she was crying. Sasuke was trying not to.

"We've been here before, remember?" she told him. He shook his head again, and let out a wounded sound at the back of his throat, shaking his head _no_ a second time. "We've have. You're imagining things. You're having an episode. I'm not part of your clan—"

"That's not true," he said. He was biting his bottom lip. "Lies, Itachi is lying—"

"Sasuke-kun, Itachi is dead."

"He's **not**. I can hear him, behind me. He watches—"

"It's not real."

"I can make anything real!" he snapped, stepping away from her as if she'd slapped him. Suddenly those three red eyes were glowing. Sakura cringed, sagging into the bed without his support. The Uchiha thumped a hand to his chest, palm flat, then cut at the air with it as he spoke. "It's real, because I say it is!"

This was why they'd sealed it. This was why Kakashi had done what he had, or thought he had. Sakura reached for him, trying to draw Sasuke back, because if she didn't she knew he was going to do something terrible. He was pacing and breathing too fast. "Sasuke—Sasuke-kun, I'm sorry. Let's—let's just calm down." Sasuke ran his pale hands over his sleepless face, palms pressing into his eyeballs as if to relieve the pressure. His fingers fisted in his too-long hair. "Sasuke-kun, it's okay. It's okay, I'm still here."

"Get some rest," he said, taking an unsteady step backwards. "We'll talk about this later." Then he left.

Sakura waited until he was out of range, his uneven footsteps echoing down the stairs. Then she threw off the blankets, stumbling towards her gear. It was hard to walk, and she almost fell twice, but she managed to pull on her her holster for her kunai and grab some of her scrolls, although Sasuke had taken all the blades and hid them somewhere else. Who was second in command now, she wondered? Right. Aya. Time to go get her.

She made a b-line for the door.

* * *

 

The whole reason for Kakashi's death, quite literally, was due to Sasuke's third eye.

The time after the Uchiha came back to Konoha was rough, in general. He was already suffering from shock and trauma, but it wasn't until they were in the village proper—and they managed to strong-arm Sasuke into the hospital—that they realized that something was critically wrong.

Sakura was no longer his nurse nor his teammate, but she couldn't help but hear the rumors: her office was in the basement of where he was being treated. There was the PTSD, of course: everyone had it to varying degrees when you were a nin, especially so soon after a war. If you were lucky it was mild enough that you could drown it in alcohol, but Sasuke had never been lucky and he never did things in half. _Psychosis_ was a word that got tossed around with increasing frequency to describing his erratic behavior; Disassociative Identity Disorder was another. Sakura's specialty wasn't psychiatry, but she knew enough to realize that whatever it was the bloodline was messing with his head. Naruto, Kakashi, and the rest of the Anbu were on twenty-four hour duty just to make sure that he didn't do anything to himself, let alone others. Naruto tried to rope her back into it, but Tsunade had intervened and had flat-out said _no_.

"C'mon Sakura, I think it would be good," Naruto told her, about two months after their return. Things were returning to normal, and it had been a false sort of calm, were the collective numbness was starting to wear off. "He's been asking for you," the blond nin added with a somewhat guilty sideways glance.

It was a bone being thrown. It made Sakura feel pathetic, because if Naruto truly thought she was so boy-crazy over Sasuke after all these years—after all he'd done—then what did others think of her, who didn't know her as well as her former teammates? Did they measure up her accomplishments, little as they were, and find her even more wanting? Standing there in the hospital room, her clipboard of patient stats clutched protectively to her chest, she'd stared a spot on the wall and had tried not to cry.

"It's not a good idea," she said. It really wasn't, but Naruto had been undeterred. He'd tried to cajole her into it even as Tsunade walked into the room with a _thud_ of the door, unceremoniously reaching beneath a nearby desk to grab a bottle of sake. The lines beneath her eyes had grown deeper.

"Just for a short time," he said. "He's having nightmares. He's worried that Itachi, to you—"

"Naruto—"

"Absolutely not," Tsunade said, uncorking her sake and taking an ugly swing. "She's a trigger."

Sakura deflated with tension she hadn't known she'd been carrying. She wasn't even offended that Tsunade was calling a spoon a spoon. Naruto immediately _tched_ and started complaining.

"But Baachan—"

"I said no. We have to stabilize him first. Who's watching him right now?"

"Kaka-sensei."

"Go back and help him. Leave Sakura to her work or I'm going to dock your pay to make up for her lost hours."

"Oi!"

"Go back, Naruto."

"Fine, fine."

Sakura's parents had still been alive at the time. They didn't understand why she was jumpier: why she flinched at sudden noises and cried herself to sleep whenever she heard the trill of the birds. They were just happy she was in one piece: that she'd become an accomplished nin. She'd done what they hadn't been able to do, and that was to gain status. She still lived with them and she put a roof over their head. Her salary paid most of their bills, and when they looked at her they didn't see a hollow-eyed, grey-skinned woman with too many scars and lank pink hair. True, they hadn't been entirely set on her becoming a nin, but they just saw their daughter now: their only child, safe from the war and in one piece, on track to becoming the head of the Konoha hospital. She was a legend and people loved her. Even Sakura saw that. Why couldn't they be proud of her? Why on earth did they have any reason to be sad?

Dinners were awkward and uncomfortable when they were together, which was almost every night. Sakura was miserable throughout the entire farce, but she'd been gone for ages and wanted to make up for lost time. They asked about Naruto sometimes, and Kakashi. They asked about Sasuke too.

Sakura—already developing a habit of picking at her food—would spoon listlessly at her rice and eel, her wooden utensils clacking against the rim of the bowl. The meal sat like lead in the bottom of her stomach. She would try to eat, but then she would remember all the people she'd shared a meal with whom would never eat again. She'd put the bowl down.

"He's very unwell," she would say whenever the topic of Sasuke came up. She would preface this by adding that he wasn't allowed any visitors, which was why her information on him was limited. Her parents were civilians and they had no way of knowing the ins and outs of Shinobi life.

"Oh dear, that's such a shame," her kaasan would say, spooning more eel onto Sakura's rice. She was a delicate, pink-haired woman that Sakura looked far too much like, her movements as graceful as a bird's. In another life Sakura might have been like her: domestic, soft-spoken, and flower-like. She didn't want to be reminded of it. She didn't want to recall how un-ninja like she was, but she loved her mother so she endured.

"It really is a shame," her kaasan continued one night with a soft, sad smile. "He was always coming around here with that brother of his. Such a sweet little boy."

"Wait," Sakura said, almost dropping her bowl. Her mother had looked up at her, blinking owlishly. "What?" She'd thought no one had known about that one time on the road.

"Oh," said the older woman. "You didn't know?" Her otousan had let out a non-committal grunt, folding his arms across his chest as he'd sunk into his seat, his meal finished. "Well, perhaps you forgot. It was a long time ago. You were teased terribly, and he took great issue with it when you two were young. He kept on trying to find you and his brother kept on having to drag him back. I think he wanted you to live on the compound."

"Oh," Sakura said, her hands white-knuckled around her bowl. "It happened more than once?"

"Of course. Daily, for awhile."

It wasn't real, Sakura decided. Sasuke paying attention to her did not fit with her version of reality, so it didn't exist. It was as simple as that.

"Not like you could live there now," her mother added, collecting the empty bowls off the table while leaving Sakura's in place. She held the sleeve of her kimono back with one hand, her apron rustling across her front. "What a scary thing, to live where so many people died. I hope he gets better."

Everyone hoped Sasuke would get "better." His bloodline was too valuable to waste, and after killing his brother and Madara all in one go he was Konoha's last chance at retaining the sharingan. Sakura had no doubt that if Sasuke managed to finally kill himself they would immediately carve out his eyes and give them to another unwilling recipient. She wanted nothing to do with him and her sympathy was all used up, but she was not above admitting what they were doing to him was cruel. They treated him like a piece of meat even now.

"When I'm Hokage that will change!" Naruto declared one day over ramen, a couple weeks later. He never shut up about Sasuke even though Sakura had made it clear the subject was off-limits. "I'm gonna make sure no one hurts him again."

"And what about the people **he** hurt?" Sakura remembered saying. She'd been irritated, and the false sense of calm was beginning to ebb away. Constant reminders of the war and Sasuke were making it harder to heal, but Naruto waved a dismissive hand, uncaring.

"He's just angry. You know how touchy he gets over family."

_Territorial_ was a better word, but Sakura decided that it was not worth the fight with Naruto, so she bit her tongue and kept silent.

Sasuke **did** get better, like her mother had wished. Word on the street was that he'd been released from the hospital: that he was still on the mend but would be reintegrated back into the village soon. If he kept up with the way things were going, they'd have him doing simple missions within a year. Sakura still hadn't gone to see him, and had no plans to. Maybe decades down the road, she decided, when they were both old and grey and had mellowed out, they would have decent conversation.

Then the report happened.

There had been a festival on the day that her parents died. A local one, and Sakura had booked time off for it. She hadn't wanted to dress up, but it made her mother happy, so she'd donned a komon and had pinned back her hair, handing out dango to the neighborhood children with the young woman who lived next door, Emi. There were so many orphans from the war, and although they were being cared for by the village Sakura couldn't help but think of what had happened to Naruto. The festival was calm, and not that taxing. She'd even been enjoying herself towards the end, smiling and telling simple jokes as she donned an apron and helped clean up the mess. Then Sakura remembered that she'd forgotten to hand in her study.

"Shit!" she said, tripping over the hem of her komon and flowers tumbling out of her hair as she'd clutched the papers to her chest, body flickering to the Hokage tower. The report was crucial, and if she didn't hand it in today she'd get in so much trouble. Her geta clacked against the steps as she climbed to Tsunade's office, loud and _koking_. She'd tripped on her hem again. "Shit, shit, shit."

She hadn't been thinking about Sasuke for once, she was so busy with other things. He'd been completely devoid from her mind as she streaked past a nervous aide who squawked and dropped their own stack of papers when they saw her.

"Wait, Haruno-san! Come back!" they said, but she didn't. She ignored the armed guards in the hall, and she hadn't clued into the fact that a conversation was going on behind the Hokage's closed door.

"Is the Hokage in there?" she remembered asking an Anbu, out of breath. They'd hesitated before answering _yes_ , their black-and-white form visibly tensing up. She'd pushed open the door.

"Shishou," Sakura said, sagging against the door frame with petals dusting her bangs. She'd been wearing red, she recalled. A red komon, with small blue flowers patterning along the hem and sleeves, a singular white circle on her back. She hated civilian clothes and she felt too formal. "Shishou, I've got the report—"

She stopped short as the occupants of the room turned to face her. Tsunade had been there, looking far too severe. So had some of the council. Bristling along the corners of the room were Anbu, and by the door were Naruto and Kakashi.

In the center of the room was Sasuke. He was kneeling on the floor, his hands braced on his knees and his back to her, but when she opened the door he turned with everyone else to watch.

It had been his examination, she'd learned later: the final determination to see if he was ready to be released from the hospital. He looked better than the last time she'd seen him, but not by much. Still exceedingly pale with his doll-like complexion, and Kusanagi was attached to his hip. _Why are they giving him weapons?_ she remembered thinking. There had been no third eye yet, and the eyes he did have remained black until he saw her. The minute he did they bled red, his tomoes spinning.

Sakura immediately looked down. Several Anbu pushed their way off the walls in alarm. Kakashi quickly stepped forward, moving towards her with a lazy calm that fooled nobody.

"Tsunade-Shishou," she said, bowing low and trying to ignore Sasuke. She could feel him watching her.

"Sakura," Tsunade said, sounding off-put. There was a loud rustle of fabric as her sensei stood. "Is there something you need?"

"Ah, no," Sakura said, taking an unsteady step back. Her geta thumped against the floor, and she felt sweat beading at the back of her neck. Sasuke turned even farther around to watch her. "I just, my report. My apologies I didn't mean to barge in—"

It was at that moment that Kakashi sidled up and put his hand to her back, smiling at her beneath his mask. "Sakura-chan," he said. "How have you been? Let's talk outside, shall we?"

It was a marvelous idea. Sakura nodded, handing off the report to a nearby Anbu to put it on Tsunade's desk. Even as she turned to leave Sasuke started speaking. His voice was rough, but it was still that deep, distinctive baritone that she remembered.

"Where are you taking her?" he asked Kakashi. There was more rustling fabric and the soft _shick_ of kunai as several nins moved closer. He was beginning to sound upset. "Why is that crest on her back?"

"That's her family crest, teme," Naruto said. Sakura hunched her back under Kakashi's hand as she'd headed for the door, and had cursed her clothing. It would be the end of her. "C'mon, let's get this hearing over with."

"I want to talk to her."

The door was shut the second she and Kakashi stepped through the door. The answer to Sasuke's demand was cut off.

"Phew!" Kakashi said, stretching in an exaggerated motion, overly loud and cheerful. He scratched at the back of his grey head in a casual manner, his lone eye crinkling at the corner as he'd smiled. The Anbu in the hallway remained silent, but Sakura could feel them glaring at her beneath their masks. She would have been too, if she was in their position. "Glad you came along, Sakura-chan. Gave me an excuse to get out of that meeting."

Sakura hadn't been panicking at the time, but she had been worried and anxious. There was something odd about the way that Sasuke had asked about her crest. He'd been carrying his sword.

"Is he going to be released onto active duty?" she asked, keeping her voice low as they made their way away from the door.

"If he passes his examination, yes," Kakashi said, a little less cheerful. He shoved his hands into his pockets.

"I don't think he should have his swords," Sakura said before she could stop herself. His trauma was more severe than most, and it was irresponsible to act like he was fully healed a mere two months and change after he'd returned to Konoha. "I heard about his attempts. He's not ready."

"The swords aren't as dangerous as his eyes," Kakashi reminded her gently. They'd never taken those away.

"But—"

"Come on," Kakashi cut her off as he steered her down the stairs. "Walk with me. It's too stuffy up here."

Sakura's sandals clacked against the steps as Kakashi's lazy drawl filled the air. He kept their discussion to trite topics. He told her about the latest soft-core porn he was reading, featuring a dashing sensei and his wayward student; rumors of a new ramen joint opening up, and would Sakura like to join? If she rejected him he'd be forced to go with Naruto.

Sakura said _yes_ , smiling despite herself. She thought Sasuke would follow them down the stairs but he didn't. When they reached the bottom of the tower, standing just inside the outer doors, Kakashi gripped her upper arm, squeezing it.

"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan," he said. It was an unexpected heavy omission, coming from him. She wasn't used to hearing him sound so sad and old. "I did you a disservice, I think."

Sakura wasn't sure which disservice he was talking about, because there'd been many, but she was in agreement that she'd been wronged and she was too tired to question him on the specifics: she was just glad someone was saying sorry. It made her feel good.

She smiled and blushed a bit, looking down at her feet. _I'm getting better._ The war was over.

"It's alright, sensei," she said, and it felt like a great weight had been lifted off her. She hadn't realized she'd thought it was all her fault. "We all make mistakes." She laughed a bit, struck by the absurdity of herself bursting into such a high-level meeting in an apron. She looked as old-fashioned as Sasuke. "What a fool I look, eh? Naruto's never gonna let me live it down for looking like a housewife."

Kakashi laughed at that, and then drew her into a hug, ruffling her hair. After a moment of surprise Sakura returned it, wrapping her arms around his padded back. Beneath his jacket she could feel the hardness of muscle. "Well, we can't all be as stunning as me, you know," he said, drawing back. She playfully slapped him on the arm.

"I'm glad you're alive, you old pervert," she said, grinning. This is what getting better felt like: she just had to remind herself of it and it would come true.

"I know you are," he said, ruffling her hair once more, and then he'd briefly pressed his forehead to hers. It was a tender, intimate gesture, but it only lasted a moment before he was pushing her off and waving her away as he walked towards the Hokage's office, facing her.

"Save some of that dango for me!" he said, then added, "tonight, let's go to that new ramen bar! Just the two of us, and you're treating."

"Kakashi-sensei!"

"Consider it pension for the elderly."

Sakura laughed—actually laughed—and then she'd turned around, walking away from the tower. She left a note at the front desk with the receptionist—for Tsunade, apologizing for interrupting her meeting—then determined to keep Sasuke from her mind, she'd made her way to the festival on foot. It had been an uneventful walk. She hadn't been disturbed by anyone, and although it was late in the day the weather was still fair and sunny. She'd passed by the new district being built for the displaced clans that had integrated into Konoha after the war—there were a lot of them, and no one wanted them to feel like refugees—and after that, she'd picked up flowers from the Yamanaka's shop for her mother, as an apology for missing dinner. She knew she wouldn't get back to their house until after the sun had set.

Halfway back, still walking by foot, Sakura had picked up some groceries from the local market: mushrooms, a head of cabbage, and some leeks. The grocer had smiled at her, calling her pretty. Sakura remembered waving off the compliment with a strange sense of unease when he began to focus on her kimono, and she'd stood there primly, clenching her hands around themselves as she'd watched the grocer put her vegetables into a brown paper bag. He rolled it up at the top.

The bag crinkled against the silk of her arm and the bushel of flowers as she took it. "Say hello to your mother for me, Haruno-san," the grocer told her, and Sakura smiled and nodded. Seeing Sasuke had definitely rattled her, but the day was turning out better than expected. She'd bowed slightly, tucking a lock of pink hair behind her ear, and he'd dipped in turn.

"I will! Thank you, Toba-san." Then she'd headed home.

It was unusually quiet as she entered her neighborhood. No one was outside, the streets abandoned, and there had been dark storm clouds gathering: a sudden shift from the earlier good weather. A thunderstorm was fast approaching, so at first Sakura thought everyone was indoors to escape the rain. The air felt strangely dense with a chakra, and while an overabundance of chakra was normal on the battlefield, or even near the Hokage tower, it was out of place in a civilian neighborhood. And why did it remind her slightly of Madara's? The Uchiha was dead, so to feel his presence was odd. _Another ghost from the war_ , she told herself.

Just then, an Anbu darted past her in the direction of her parents' house. They were nothing more than a flash of black skittering across the road and up onto the rooftops, but it was enough for Sakura's anxiety to morph into dread.

She didn't run to the house. Maybe in hindsight she should have—it might have saved them—but she'd told herself that the fear was just her nerves. She was being overly sensitive, and the Anbu could have been heading to any number of houses within the neighborhood, or through it. As she got closer the choking miasma of the Madara-like chakra got thicker. Storm clouds gathered in utter silence, and there were no sounds that she would normally associate with the civilian side of Konoha: no _clatter_ from kitchen windows as the residents sat down for dinner, or the _thwack_ of laundry being taken down from nearby clothes lines. The only sound she heard was the chirp of the sparrows. What sounded like hundreds of sparrows, actually fluttering en mass, but she saw no swarm of birds. Sakura ran.

"Kaasan?" she said, finally body flickering to the front door. It wasn't too long after the war, she remembered telling herself. She was still allowed to be anxious. "Kaasan, are you alright—"

She pushed open the door just as Sasuke pushed his fist through her otousan's chest. Her mother's headless corpse was already on the ground, torn into several different parts.

Sakura dropped the groceries, the leeks and cabbage tumbling from the paper bag. She remembered losing a sandal as she fell, her legs giving out as the air left her in a _whoosh_. She crumpled to the ground and went into a state of shock.

Sasuke immediately dropped her father's body and flickered over to her. He caught her before she collapsed, his bloody arm wrapping around her back. A even bloodier hand stroked her face, tenderly brushing away her hair, and feverish lips pressed to her cheek in a kiss as he sunk to the ground with her. The _pat pat pat_ of her otousan's blood dripping off Sasuke's elbow onto the floorboards was loud. Her kaasan's severed head stared at her from the kitchen entrance.

"Shh," the creature wearing Sasuke's face said. "We're safe now." It wasn't really Sasuke, she thought. The dark-eyed boy she'd grown up with didn't kiss her cheek or whisper declarations into her hair. Those weren't her parents, dead on the ground. This wasn't her body, wearing civilian clothes. She was a nin.

"I'm sorry," Sasuke said. He pressed his temple against hers, the other curling tight around her waist. He sounded relieved, which was strange. "I knew they put you with a pair of agents, but I couldn't get word out until now. Naruto wouldn't let me see you." He was telling her about how he lied: about how he'd agreed to speak with the council so he could find a way to escape. The enemies of the Uchiha were everywhere, and while they'd already gotten to Itachi the two of them would be safe. They were going to escape this hell hole and no one was going to hurt them ever again.

_She's a trigger_ , Tsunade had said, and Sakura remembered the rumors about psychosis. There was a black spot in her memory where she couldn't recall much beyond Sasuke's lips on hers. Then Kakashi was in the room with them, a kunai in hand. So were the other Anbu, and the details of her memory began to blur.

"You," Sasuke said to someone. "You're a traitor." There was a red split in his forehead, a third eye like a bloody gash poking through the porcelain pale skin. All three eyes were spinning furiously by that point, and he was holding her in one arm as she sagged against him, her head pressed to his chest. Sakura had listened to his voice reverberate through his front as he'd pointed Kusanagi at Kakashi with his free hand. "My clan. That shit that she's wearing—"

"Sasuke," Kakashi said, sinking to his knees as he raised his hands in supplication. Sasuke wasn't her Sasuke-kun in that moment. He'd been something else, the air ripping apart behind to reveal another world beyond theirs.

Shrieking had come from it. Strange, whale-like crooning that Sakura was unfamiliar with at the time, but was intimately familiar with now. She'd heard the creatures calling to each other across the delta. "Sasuke, she's not an Uchiha. That crest is hers. Sakura is a Haruno—"

"You killed my clan!"

"Sasuke, put her down!"

Her former sensei moved: a blur of green and grey. Sakura had screamed. The shriek of the birds had been unbearable. It had taken everything Kakashi had left to seal the third eye and get Sasuke under control. Ten nins died that day, and even more civilians. Kakashi was sick for weeks.

Sasuke didn't get better after that. Sakura had spiraled hard, and the false sense of security that she'd been nursing shattered. The only thing that helped her sleep at night was the fact that they'd disarmed him and his chakra was sealed, or they'd thought it was. They kept him away from her, for both their sakes. She moved in with Kakashi once he was better.

Then Sasuke snuck out again one night: pale, dressed in white, looking like a ghost. It had been raining and he managed to find Sakura by tracking her to her parents' grave.

"It's okay," he said, and Sakura hadn't understood him; this Sasuke who held her like she was precious as she sobbed and went boneless with grief. Her familial monster carded a trembling hand through her wet pink hair, curling around her like she was a life raft. The third eye was back. "It's okay," he promised her through his own tears, or that might have been the blood. The rinnegan were active. "I'll take you home now. Naruto too. They won't hurt us again."

"Sasuke," Kakashi said. There was no light in his eyes the second time around. "Let her go." Sakura had blocked out most of this event, because it hurt too much, but she remembered how sad Kakashi had been. How Sasuke had begged the second time around instead of threatened.

"I won't hurt her," the Uchiha declared. The plea was so strange on his lips, with his deep, rough-edged voiced. He'd clutched Sakura close, like a favourite toy. "Please. I won't, I just want to—"

"No," Kakashi said, because it was about more than just her. It always had been. Sakura was simply the catalyst.

The second time he sealed Sasuke's third eye, Kakashi had died. In some ways his death hit her harder than her parents. There had been no one strong enough to keep him in check—Naruto was compromised—so once he finally came to his senses Sasuke was given an ultimatum.

"Behave, or we'll kill her," Tsunade told him.

Sakura knew her Shishou loved her, but the old woman loved the village more. Fortunately the threat worked.

Sasuke behaved, at least on the surface. The third eye dissipated and he did his time and his counseling. He kept his distance from Sakura. The two of them never met, at least not alone, and about a year after he killed her parents his estate was remodeled and he was allowed to return on house-arrest. Two years after the incident, they put him back on missions. The LSF was created. Naruto married Hinata. Sakura skipped out on the wedding, claiming illness, but it was because Sasuke was there.

People accepted him. He was good when was stable—dedicated and intelligent and quiet and so painstakingly talented—but Sakura couldn't forget him when he'd been at his worst. Not for her parents, and not for Kakashi, so she and Sasuke drifted apart until they were nothing but strangers. Ghosts from a different era, passing each other like dead leaves on the wind.

By the third year they'd given Sasuke permission to lead his own task force: the primordial, rudimentary version of the LSF, which turned into a full-fledged operation once Naruto took charge.

"Would you have killed me?" Sakura remembered asking Tsunade on the fourth anniversary of Kakashi's death, as drunk her teacher. They were sitting beside his tombstone, blasted out of their minds and barely able to see straight. Tsunade was leaving the next day to embark on a research project, and it was the last real conversation that Sakura had with her before she disappeared. Tsunade took a swig of her sake and looked at the tomb, her eyelids drooping.

"Yes," she said, flat and brutal despite the thickness of inebriation. "I'm sorry."

Sakura didn't even flinch, though the admission hurt, because she understood why.

"Don't be," she said, made candid by the alcohol. Tsunade handed over the bottle and Sakura drank as well, swallowing deeply before she wiped off her lips. She stared at the tomb. "I would have killed me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Author's Note** :
> 
> Well I'm back. After a brutally long hiatus. I'm going to do my best to keep this author's note in-semi coherent order:
> 
> As much as I want to, I'm not going to make any promises about update schedules. These past couple years were completely upended for me. Work picked up in a massive way, I moved across the country, and there were a lot of changes in my personal life. I've had to prioritize paid gigs over things I write for free, and to be honest I'm spooked that if I make any promises about update schedules I'll jinx myself. It's happened before, so I won't do that. I'm just glad to be back!
> 
> To those of you who waited patiently: thank you so much for sticking with me. I'm so sorry you've had to wait so long. Hopefully the wait will be worth it. I'm not too heavily involved in Naruto anymore, so this story is for you guys. If you ever have any questions about my schedule, please check my profile first, or msg me through tumblr or twitter! I'm active on both of those platforms.

**Author's Note:**

> Way, way back in the day, I used to write Naruto fanfiction to get over my fear of showing my work to others. I wasn't planning on returning to the fandom, but Naruto's a bit like junk food for me: comforting, and a bit of stress-reliever when I need a break from my other stories. Monomoth's gonna be AUish, but not a hard AU. Updates will be sporadic while I'm finishing my other stories, but I will complete this one too.


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